The Mystery of Mysterion
by Dusky Writer
Summary: A 4th grade boy by day, immortal superhero by night. Watch as this hero defends South Park as he faces supervillians, evil cultists, criminal scum, monsters from another dimension, ill health and The Coon to find out the truth to his immortality. This is the story of Kenny McCormick also known as...Mysterion
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** **I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK! SOUTH PARK IS OWNED BY MY HEROES MATT STONE AND TREY PARKER AND THIS FICTION IS PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT NOT PROFIT. ALSO ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS FICTION BOTH REAL AND FAKE ARE SPOOFED…POORLY. PLEASE ENJOY**

 **Morgan Freeman:** _Within the Colorado Rockies lies a quaint little mountain town known as South Park. In this town lies a superhero organization of nine year olds known as Coon and Friends who put their lives on the line to protect the remote town. The superhero group consists of The Coon, Toolshed, Human Kite, Tupawear, Iron Maiden, Mosquito and my personal favorite, Mint-Berry Crunch but there is another. A hero who protected the town far longer than any other superhero, he is referred to as Mysterion. However unlike most of his superhero brethren he possesses an unnatural power…immortality and after defeating the dark lord Cthulhu alongside Mint-Berry Crunch he has become even more determined to discover why. This is the story of a hero determined to discover the truth…an immortal's quest to become mortal, one who brings light but has a dark secret. This is the story of…Mysterion._

 **Chapter 1: Resurrected Again**

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

I awoke in my bed again after shooting myself in Cartman's basement. I felt the side of my head where the bullet had entered…nothing, absolutely nothing. My "power" makes little to no sense. It doesn't matter how brutal my death is, it doesn't matter how painful it is and it doesn't matter how I die I just comeback completely fine. No bullet holes or stab wounds, no burn marks or shattered bones, no decapitation or missing body parts, _nothing_ and somehow, nobody remembers. Maybe it's just some horrible nightmare, maybe I'm in a coma at Hell's Pass hospital and this is just some sort of trauma I'm suffering…but it all feels so real. I-I can feel a spike going through my chest, I can feel myself being burned to death, I can feel being crushed under a block of cement and I can feel myself losing my life but nobody ever remembers, but me. It was unfortunately Monday which was a school day. I sighed before heading downstairs and putting two Cookies and Cream pop-tarts in the toaster…my breakfast.

"Hey Kenny"

I heard a voice call from the living room. I walk into the room to see my little sister.

"Hey Karen"

I replied as my parka muffled my speech as always. Another strange thing is I always wake up with my parka on even though I don't like sleeping with it on. Karen coughed violently.

"Are you ok?"

I asked while concern hit my face.

"Yeah I'm *cough* fine *cough* just need some cough drops"

She said as her eyes teared up from the constant coughing. I went over to put my hand on her forehead to see if she was sick but she stopped it.

"I'm fine Kenny *cough* really"

"I just wanna feel to make sure you're not sick"

"Kenny I'm fine I just need *cough* cough drops"

I tried doing it again but she stopped me.

"Stop Kenny I'm fine"

She could be so stubborn sometimes. That coughing was a little too violent to be considered a normal cough but she wasn't gonna let me do anything so I caved in.

"Ok fine I will grab some on my home from school for you but have mom or dad or Kevin check you please"

"Ok thank you" *cough*

I went into the kitchen ate my pop tarts, grabbed my backpack and headed towards the door while listening to Karen's very loud coughing. I left the house before telling Karen to make sure she has someone check to make sure she isn't sick and she nodded in response before I left. She coughed violently into her right hand before she looked at the blood that was left there….

 _ **Cut to the bus stop**_

"So then the white guy says to the jap "Maybe you should open your eyes Hahahaha"

"You are such a racist asshole Cartman"

"Fuck you Kyle, you Jewish douchebag"

My friends Kyle and Cartman bickered as I walked to stand next to Cartman, I made sure I kept a good distance from him.

"Hey Kenny you wanna hear a funny joke?"

I didn't respond as I was pissed at him already.

"Kinney"

"Do you think maybe he doesn't want to talk to you because of what you did yesterday?"

"What I do?"

"You teamed with the most evil thing in the galaxy and then banished us to a dark oblivion"

You hit the nail on the head Kyle.

"I told you I had to you guys turned evil"

"We didn't turn evil Cartman you were just pissed that we kicked you out of Coon and Friends"

"No I wasn't! You're superpowers turned you guys into evil supervillains and I had to stop you because for the sake of humanity!"

"HOW IS TEAMING UP WITH THE MOST EVIL THING IN ALL THE UNIVERSE FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY!"

"CTHULHU WASN'T THAT EVIL IF HE KILLED EVERYONE AT THE BURNING MAN FESTIVAL AND JUSTIN BIEBER!"

"He's got you there dude"

"Stan!"

"What, a lot of people want to kill Justin Bieber"

"Thank you Stan"

"That doesn't justify you using Cthulhu to kill hundreds of innocent people"

"Those hundreds of people died to make the world a better place Kahl!"

" _No,_ they died because you thought killing them would make the world a better place"

"And it worked didn't it?"

"Dude I'm just glad Bradley saved us"

Damn it Stan

"Yeah it's crazy how head actually had superpowers"

"Fuck his superpowers they aren't even anything!"

"Yeah well they were enough to send your pet Cthulhu back to the dimension they came from so what do you have to say about that!

Cartman froze before he looked down and muttered.

"Fucking Mint-Berry fucking Crunch"

The bus finally showed up after what felt like ages and we got on it. Once again they don't remember that I died. They wouldn't have even gotten out of the Sunken City of R'lyeh if it wasn't for me but who cares? Honestly I should be a reincarnation of Jesus…what if I am?

 _ **Cut to school**_

I sat down in my seat with my head resting on my palm as the school bell rung and our teacher walked in the classroom.

"Ok children take your seats"

Mr. Garrison said even though we were already sitting down. Some 9 year stood next to him. He had black emo looking hair, a black hoodie with skull on it and black pants, black eyeliner, a necklace with a red Jewish star on it, fingerless black gloves, a spiked wrist band on each wrist and skin as white as the goth's.

"Boy somebody got beaten with the bad end of the drug addict stick"

I let my thought slip silently from my mouth as I thought with how quietly I spoke and my parka muffling it no one would understand but I heard laughing to my right.

"Excuse me Rebecca is something funny?'

Red was laughing?

"No Mr. Garrison"

She replied giggling

"Then do you mind saying quiet so I can introduce a new student. Ok children please give a warm welcome to Lucas Jones"

"I told you to call me Lucifer, mortal"

His voice was monotone yet dark.

"Ok well the only problem with that is that is the devil's name"

"Exactly"

Great just what South Park needs, a fucking sadist.

"Ok Lucas why don't you introduce yourself to the cl-"

He was cut off

"My name is Lucifer! Shall I summon Cthulhu and all of his evil deities to rain hell upon Earth! Darkness will fall and destroy the light of faith! Cthulhu will rise again and bring along thy demons to South Park, Colorado where they will enslave humanity for three-thousand years HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

It's Damien all over again.

"Ok children so it looks like we have a poet in our class how nice"

Lucas glared at him

"Ok so seeing that we don't have any available seats why don't you sit next Kenny? The kid with the orange parka"

His dark brown eyes met my blue ones, I saw nothing in those eyes but pure darkness and wrath. He must have saw something in mine to because he flinched.

"Very well"

He stated before taking his seat next to mine.

"Ok children so now we are gonna talk about the right age to be sexually attracted to John Stamos. Now I must mature way faster than others because I felt this in my early twos which is when I started watching Full House, but I believe the right age is-"

As Mr. Garrison talked I heard Lucas slowly chanting something.

"Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'yleh-"

"Excuse me Lucas do you feel the need to interrupt my class?"

Lucas glared at him again before saying

"You will be the first"

"The first for what?"

"You will see…."

"Ooookay then so now back to the lesson. If you find out you discover these feelings at around 9 months old that is in fact fine but-

I heard that laughing again

" _I've had it up to here with the interruptions the next person that interrupts will be sent to Mr. Mackey's office!"_

Red was trying hard not to burst out laughing and I'm not sure why?

"What is so funny Rebecca?!"

"Oh nothing I was just thinking of something funny"

She giggled once more. She really couldn't be laughing that hard at my joke could she?

"Then stop thinking about it so we may continue! Ok so if you start feeling attracted to Stamos at age 9 that is okay but the only problem is John Stamos isn't a child molester even though I wish he was"

I blocked out Garrison's stupid rambling and drew my attention to Lucas.

"What were you just saying?"

I ask, he didn't understand my muffled speech

"What do you want slave-to-be?"

"You said something about R'yleh what was it?"

" _What?"_

"I SAID-

"THAT'S IT I HAD IT WITH THE DISRUPTIONS THIS IS A SERIOUS SUBJECT NOW KENNY MCCORMICK HEAD TO MR. MACKEY'S OFFICE NOW!"

Figures, I got up and left the room. Mr. Garrison continued after I left.

"Okay so to demonstrate the lesson plan I brought in my John Stamos love doll"

 _ **Cut to Mr. Mackey's office**_

"M'kay Craig I've told you many times that flipping people the bird is bad M'kay and you shouldn't do it because that makes you bad _M'kay?_

Mr. Mackey told Craig

"M'kay I'm sorry Mr. Mackey M'kay?"

"M'kay good Craig but you need to understand that flippin people off is bad M'kay?

He flipped him off

" _Hey"_

"Ha ha"

Craig taunted in his typically flat voice

 _ **Cut to outside Mackey's office**_

I sighed as I sat outside Mr. Mackey's office. As I pondered through my thoughts I noticed that Red showed up and sit next to me.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just got sent for disrupting class cuz I was laughing so much"

"Were you laughing at me?"

"Yeah what you said in there was really funny"

"Wasn't that funny"

"I thought it was"

I smiled not that she could see it but it faded as I replied by saying

"I do not wanna go in there"

"Why"

"Just because he's gonna tell me that I shouldn't disrupt class because that's bad m'kay?"

She laughed a little before saying

"I know right"

The door opened as Craig walked out.

"I softened him up for ya"

Craig said and that caught me off guard but I shrugged it off as he walked down the hallway

"Oh well here it comes"

I said as I braced myself and walked in. Mr. Mackey was at his desk weeping…impressive Craig.

"*sniffles* Hey Kenny *sniffling* M'kay the principal *sniffling* M'kay wants to see you *sniffling* M'kay"

He said through sobs. Today must be my lucky day. I walked out the room and Red said to me

"That was quick"

"The principal wants to see me"

"Lucky, now I gotta go in there and deal with " _Don't disrupt class M'kay cuz that's bad M'kay"_

I chuckled at her weak impression. It was still cute though

"Yeah good luck in there"

"Thanks"

I walked down to Principal Victoria's office and entered. My parents and Kevin were there and they were…crying?

"Hello Kenny I'm afraid we have some bad news"

Principal Victoria stated as my mother cried into dad's chest

"Bad news?"

"Yes you're…your little sister Karen is in the hospital"

My blood ran cold

"T-the hospital?"

"Yes she has been diagnosed with viral pneumonia"

"It's bad"

My father added

"Viral Pneumonia?"

I asked confused

"Pneumonia caused by a virus"

"Is…is it fatal?"

"No but the flu virus can cause viral pneumonia to become fatal"

"Kevin had that last week!"

My mother screamed as she broke out of her sobbing. The room was struck with an eerie silence.

"Can…can I see her?"

"Absolutely"

 **Author note:** **That was chapter 1 of the Mystery of Mysterion! I know this first chapter may not have been what you expected but it will get better later on. This story takes place right after the events of The Coon Trilogy my favorite South Park trilogy. Tell me what you guys think and stayed tuned for chapter 2!**


	2. Chapter 2-Some just aren't immortal

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Kenny awoke in his bed after killing himself again and awoke to discover Karen had a violent cough. Kenny tried to see if she was sick but she pushed him away or else it would fuck up the first chapter. Then Kenny went to school and met a cultist/sadist otherwise referred to as Caldist and after some strange H.P. Lovecraftian chant, got Kenny in trouble and sent to the office. It is there that Kenny discovered his sister's weakened condition.**

 **Chapter 2: Some just aren't immortal**

 **Kenny's P.O.V. (still)**

I arrived at Hell's Pass hospital and I ran full speed into the hospital practically busting the doors open.

"Where is Karen?"

I asked out of breath and sweaty. Since my parents don't have a car I had to run from school to the hospital

"Um what?"

" _Where is Karen?"_

"Pardon sir?"

She couldn't understand me. I furiously took of the hood of my parka revealing my messy blonde hair

" _WHERE IS KAREN MCCORMICK?!"_

I screamed in absolute fury and it obviously intimidated the woman I was speaking to

"Room 204, second floor on your left"

I bolted so fast after that sentence was finished my parents and Kevin had a rough time keeping up and eventually lost me all together when I got on the elevator and hit the second floor button. The room was on my right…that bitch. I entered the room to see my sister.

"Oh *cough* hey Kenny"

That "Hey Kenny" was so dry and raspy I could almost feel it in my own throat. She was shivering uncontrollably in her hospital bed and she had her pink teddy bear clutched in her little hands.

"Hey Karen"

"How c*cough*ome your hood isn't on"

I was trying everything in my power not to cry

"I wanted it off"

A male doctor entered the room with my parents and Kevin behind him

"Oh Karen I was gonna tell that you had vis-"

"Is she going be ok?!"

The doctor froze and glanced at my parents before stating

"We aren't sure yet. Normally pneumonia isn't fatal and wears off fast but in Karen's case…"

He paused

"It seems to be severe…to bad she's not immortal"

"Ok really?"

I respond slightly annoyed

"Karen? Karen are you ok?"

"I'm fine mom" *cough*

"Mr. and Mrs. McCormick I'd like to have a word with you"

The doctor stated before bringing mom and dad outside leaving Me, Karen and Kevin in the hospital room. Kevin looked really guilty

"I'm sorry sis"

He said looking down out the ground

"What are you *cough* sorry for?"

"Viral pneumonia isn't fatal unless it comes into contact with the flu and Kevin had that last week…"

"Oh *cough* its ok Kevin you didn't mean to"

"Karen I told you that cough was too serious. Did you have dad, mom or Kevin check it?"

"Um…"

" _Karen, did you have mom, dad or Kevin check it?"_

"I saw the blood on her hand"

Kevin spoke. I stopped right in my tracks…

" _Karen! You were coughing up blood and you didn't tell me?!"_

"I'm sorry Kenny *cough* I-"

I was furious

" _Sorry isn't gonna cure your pneumonia is it?!"_

"Kenny please don't yell at me, I thought that I was gonna be safe"

"Why would you think that?!"

"My guardian angel said he would always protect me…"

I stopped

"He said that no matter what happens he would keep me safe *cough* so why we he let pneumonia get me?"

"K-Karen I…I don't think that your guardian angel can protect from things like that"

"Why? *cough* He said he would protect me from anything"

"Yeah but Karen I-I'm pretty sure he meant outside forces not things like internal forces"

"So…he was lying?"

" _No Karen he…_ he was just saying how he felt"

"So he's not gonna protect me anymore?"

Tears were forming in her eyes

"No, no Karen he just…what he meant was…I can't explain it"

The room fell silent until I lifted it trying to change the subject

"At least your coughing went down"

*cough* "yeah" *cough*

The room was silent again, until Kevin asked

"Guardian angel?"

 _ **Cut to: outside the room**_

"So Doctor Asshole, you think her pneumonia is *gulp* fatal?"

My father asked

"Again we aren't sure we need to keep a close eye on her"

My mom bursted out in a ridiculously loud sob

"I MIGHT LOSE MY BABY *crying* OH GOD NOOOO!"

"Her pneumonia is severe but I've rarely heard of people dying from it but we will watch her"

"Ok then, good"

"Yeah because y'know with all the cancer and aids patients in this hospital I guess we have to, y'know put one nurse aside for your daughter who probably isn't going die from this illness and have one of the cancer or aids patients unattended…y'know because their life threatening disease is so much less important than your daughter's, even though she has a good chance of living y'know?"

He said with an assholish amount of sarcasm. My dad simply replied with

"Now I know why they call you Doctor Asshole"

 _ **Cut to: Back inside the room**_

I held Karen's hand in mine

"Do you think my guardian angel will show up tonight Kenny?"

"I'm pretty sure he will"

My parents walked in the room with the doctor and the doctor spoke

"Okay Kenny visiting hours are almost over, say your goodbyes and get the fuck out of my hospital"

"Jesus doctor you really are a dick"

"Actually I'm an Asshole"

The doctor replied, he was both

"Please don't leave me Kenny. I'm scared"

Karen whimpered. A lump formed in my throat as she said that

"I'm sorry Karen I have too"

She looked like she was gonna cry again so I immediately consoled her

"But don't cry! Your guardian angel is gonna see you tonight right?"

She perked up slightly

"Yeah…"

I kissed her on her forehead

"I love you Karen"

"I love you too Kenny"

The asshole interjected

"Ok I'm pretty sure that thousands of people like you are having tearful goodbyes all over the globe so let's hurry this up"

"Okay Doctor, seriously, you really need to stop acting like a big asshole"

I retorted

"Well big is my middle name"

"Are you serious? Then what's your first name?"

"Really"

"So your full name is "Really Big Asshole"?"

"Now you see why I act like one"

I turned my attention back towards Karen

"Please don't leave me with this asshole"

"You will be fine here Karen I promise…I will come see you tomorrow after school to check on you okay?"

She calmed down a little at my soothing words

"Okay Kenny bye"

We were slowly being escorted out the room by Doctor Asshole. My mom, dad and Kevin called out to her

"Bye Karen we love you!"

"Make sure you get better Karen"

"Bye Karen"

"I love you guys too! Bye!"

And with that we left, leaving Karen in the hospital room…all alone.

 _ **Cut to: Outside Hell's Pass**_

When I left Hell's Pass I did something I haven't done since I was a toddler…I cried. Broke down on the cement sidewalk and cried as it snowed. My parents just looked at me, dad held mom in his arms and Kevin just looked at the ground in pure guilt.

 _I wish there was something I could do,_ I thought to myself. I suddenly got a text and I pulled out my phone, it was Kyle

 **Hey Kenny r u coming over to play superheroes with us 2nite?**

I looked at it through my tear stained eyes…there was nothing I could do for Karen but maybe there was something I could give Karen…hope. I text him back

 **Actually I need your guys help with something**

He texted back after a few seconds

 **Sure Kenny what do u need?**

 **Author's note:** **And cliffhanger! So I know I'm adding chapter 2 a little early but it was sort of a short chapter so I figure why not? Also I've got my very first review, follower and favorite as an author yesterday so I've been excited to upload chapters since yesterday afternoon. Thanks to everyone reading this and I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you guys enjoy the upcoming chapter 3!**


	3. Chapter 3: Becoming true heroes

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Kenny rushed to the hospital to see his sister Karen who has severe pneumonia. As Dendar reclaimed the Stick of Truth from the humans, Stuart and Carol McCormick left the room to talk to Dr. Asshole who had a PHD in being in fact, an asshole. Kenny found out that Karen was coughing up blood and became madder than you guys probably were when I left you at a cliffhanger. Visiting hours were almost up which forced Kenny to leave his poor sister in the hospital alone with Really Big Asshole. I cried along with Kenny until a text from his friend Kyle Broflovoski sparked an idea in the nine year old's mind and the question on everyone's mind right now is "Just what is Kenny's plan?"**

 **Chapter 3: Becoming true heroes**

 **Kenny P.O.V. (yup still)**

After I put on my Mysterion costume I went to Cartman's were they had the Coon's Base. I entered Cartman's basement where my fellow superheroes: The Coon, Toolshed, Human Kite, Tupperware, Mosquito, Iron Maiden and the only one besides me who had actual superpowers, Mint-Berry Crunch, were watching the news on the Coon-o-vision

"Damn it, why can't something tragic happen when we want it?"

Cartman said, annoyed

"Hey do any of guys know where Mysterion is? zzzzz"

"Right here, Mosquito"

I said in my dark tone of voice and I walked down the stairs and towards to the desk my friends and Cartman sat at

"What did you need Ken-I mean Mysterion?"

"Fellow heroes, I've come with tragic news…"

"Ok what?"

Cartman asked

"My little sister is in the hospital"

"Who? Karen?"

"Yes Toolshed, Karen"

The room was silent until Cartman asked

"What's so tragic about that?"

" _What's so tragic about it_ is that Karen's condition is life threatening and she needs help!"

"Do not fear Mysterion! For Mint-Berry Crunch can cure your little sister!"

"You can?"

"Absolutely! I just have to give her a crunchy mint-berry fruit!"

"…Are you serious?"

"Mint-Berry Crunch never jokes when it comes to saving people! The combined power of mint and berry will be enough to cure Karen of any disease or illness while she also gets to enjoy a satisfying, tasty crunch!"

If he was serious, I would never call his powers stupid ever again and seeing how he is an alien whose real name is Gokzarah I decided to just go with it.

"Ok then let's go get one"

"Great! But the only problem is it's on my home world Kokujon which is about three million light years from Earth sooo…"

Never mind

"Look Kenny, is there anything we can do to help?"

"Ok whoa, whoa, I am the leader of Coon and Friends so I decide what we do and who we save Human Kike"

"Cartman we've already discussed that everyone in Coon and Friends are eq-"

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR SOME TRIVIAL ARGUMENT! MY SISTER IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND I'VE COME TO ASK FOR HELP!"

"Ok, how can we help?"

My friend Token, I mean Tupperware asked

"I was hoping you guys would come down to Hell's Pass hospital with me and help me perk her up"

"That's fucking gay Kenny"

"THAT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF TO HELP KAREN BLUBBER ASS!"

"FUCK YOU KENNY AT LEAST I WEAR MY UNDIES IN MY PANTS"

"AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK LIKE A RACOON WHO ATE ONE TOO MANY TWINKIES!"

"Kenny how is us simply making Karen feel better gonna help her?"

"It will give her hope Toolshed and at a time where things seem hopeless for her that is something important for her to have"

"I agree with what Mysterion says. Hope is the only thing that keeps people going during dark times so Karen could use something like that"

"Thank you Tupperware"

"You would say that Token your black!"

"No, Tupperware is right Coon! When things look their bleakest that's when you've got to bring it all! It's time for Karen to bring the _crunch!"_

"TIMMAY!"

"We are not going to some hospital to see your faggy sister. We are superheroes NOT THE FUCKING MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION!"

"IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT YOU THERE ANYWAY YOU OBESE RACOON!"

My boiling blood went back to a simmer

"Look I would appreciate if the rest of you guys come. All we've been doing for the past three days is playing superhero so why don't we finally be real superheroes for once? Sure, we might not be saving the city on a regular basis like Superman or the Powerpuff Girls, but we can be heroes to a little girl in the hospital. Be the light of hope that guides her through a very dark time. Doesn't that make you feel special?"

The room fell silent as they pondered

"No"

"Fuck you Cartman"

"Well I'm going with ya Kenny"

"Same here"

"Let's go give that little girl some hope"

"Count Mosquito in zzzzzz"

"You can always count on Mint-Berry Crrrunch!

"Timmeh!"

"Thank you friends"

"You're all a bunch of freaking fags, all of ya!"

After Cartman's statement, we heard the Coon-o-vision

"And in later news, an apparent child cultist in the streets of South Park!"

Cartman whipped his head to the television so quick I'm surprised his neck didn't snap

"Apparently the child's name is Lucas Jones, a new student to South Park Elementary who moved from California after attempting to summon the dark god Cthulhu there. With more of this report is a midget in a bikini"

"Thanks Tom and you can see the child behind me, standing in front of a portal to another dimension. The portal has been generating strange creatures from another dimension, 15 mile an hour winds and…"

A monster with tan, slug like body with several black tentacles which flailed of the creature's body. It had a tan slug like body that it slithered on, leaving a trail of clear goo

"Apparently Snooki just came out of the portal Tom. She looks like she put on a few pounds but-but that's definitely her Tom"

"Thanks midget Snooki sure looks pissed. Up next! Did pharmacists invent some form of Viagra for Jay Leno's chin?"

Cartman turned off the television

"YES! FINALLY! Come on guys, time to be real superheroes!"

"Cartman wait!"

Kyle called out but it was too late as Cartman was already upstairs and took everyone with him as they attempted to stop him.

"Guy wait! WHAT ABOUT KAREN!"

I called out but it was too late…they were gone

 **Author's Note:** **Alright so that was chapter 3! Again sorry if it was short but I hope you guys like it. BTW I had a lot of fun writing Mint-Berry Crunch, he was my second favorite character in the trilogy next to Mysterion of course so I was glad putting him in the story. Stayed tuned for Chapter 4 buddy!**


	4. Chapter 4-Bringing the Crunch

**Narration:** **Previously on "Terrance and Phillip". Terrance preformed the legendary Nagasaki fart. However the fart blast was so powerful it almost tore Terrance in half leaving him critically injured and unable to fart again. Episode was also being filed as racist due to black guy dying in the episode, due to Terrance's fart…what? This is the wrong narration? Okay hold on buddy…**

 **Narration (take two):** **Previously on the "The Mystery of Mysterion". After dealing with his sickened sister at Hell's Pass, The American known as Mysterion meets up with his superhero buddies, guy: Toolshed, Human Kite, Tupperware, Iron Maiden, Mosquito and Mint-Berry Crunch…oh and Bruce Vilanch was there too. Mysterion asks his super powered buddies to help bring Karen a glimmer of hope. However the Coon decided to be a dick about it and told Mysterion that he was not his friend, guy as Mysterion replied by stating not to call him guy, buddy but his noble hero friends, buddy adamantly refused the Coon's orders and decided to fulfill Mysterion's request but were stopped when they saw the new kid summoning evil deities from the Sunken City of R'yleh with the use of the Necronomicon which also allowed him to summon Jersey Shore's Snooki.**

 **Chapter 4: Bringing the crunch**

 **Kenny's P.O.V. (buddy)**

The Coon bolted out of the house and headed to South Park mall with the other superheroes, including me behind them. When we reached the mall, there was Lucas standing in front of a blue portal releasing all sorts of monstrosities. Lots of police men where there and futility tried to shoot the creatures only to be killed by them.

"Damn it we are losing at lot of cops Murphy, if only we had superheroes out here"

"Fear not Sergeant Yates, for the Coon is here!"

"And Friends!"

Tupperware added

"What the hell are kids doing here?"

"We aren't just normal kids sergeant, for we are a team of super powered kids ready to fight evil!"

"Oh cool so you just like the Powerpuff Girls"

One of the officers stated

"No _we aren't just like the Powerpuff Girls!_ We, are Coon and Friends!"

"Look you kids need to-"

"Hey look! Up in the sky!"

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"Oh shit it's-"

 _Captain Hindsight! Once a simple news reporter, Jack Roland already had an enhanced sense of hindsight and in an attempt to become the best news reporter out there, he built a machine that would bring his hindsight to extraordinary levels! However when a retroactive spider crawled into the machinery it caused him to have 20/20 hindsight as opposed to the 19/20 hindsight he was looking for. He then used his powers of hindsight to protect innocent civilians alongside his 3 loyal companions: Shoulda, Woulda and Coulda. But when his own hindsight consumed him he removed his powers but has brought them back during this time of urgency, it's the one and only, Captain Hindsight!_

"Captain Hindsight you've made it!"

"Yes what seems to be the problem?"

…How does he not notice the giant, blue swirling portal?

"There's a child over there by a portal to another dimension and he is attempting to summon Cthulhu again!"

He put two fingers against his forehead

"Hmm, do you see that open sign in the front of the South Park mall?"

"Yes"

"They forgot to switch to it "closed" which is probably why that kid felt it was ok to enter the parking lot!"

"Yes _yes!"_

"And you see that book he is using to summon the deities?"

"Yes I believe some guy was selling those in the mall Captain"

"They should have never allowed that guy in the mall. That's how the kid opened the portal in the first place!"

"My god he's right!

"And as for those dead officers you never should have sent them out to fight the beasts…I hope they rest in peace"

"But why Captain?"

"Those monsters are from another dimension so normal firepower wouldn't have much effect on them"

"Amazing how you know this stuff. Thank you Captain Hindsight"

"My work here is done!"

Captain Hindsight raised his fist in the air and flew off

"GOD BLESS YOU CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!"

"THANK YOU AGAIN!"

Cartman just looked at us before entering the parking lot and approaching Lucifer and taking his battle stance

"Alright dickhole time for you pay"

"Who let Bruce Vilanch into the parking lot and why is he wearing a rat costume?"

"Oh you motherfucker"

"Stop right there Lucifer!"

Tupperware called out as he stood along with the rest of us

"Oh great, now Barack Obama is here and he's wearing tupperware"

"Alright asshole knock it off!"

I said which caused him to look in my direction. His eyes met mine again…this time within the wrath and darkness that clouded them I saw something that chilled me to the bone…recognition.

" _You"_

He silently uttered. Toolshed and mosquito spoke up

"Stand down new kid"

"You don't stand a chance against Coon and Friends! zzz"

"Yeah right. You fagscan't stop me from releasing Cthulhu so go back home and play superhero"

"Come on you guys we've gotta send these creatures back to their dimension. Coon and Friends ho!"

"And just how do you expect us to do that Coon? Zzzz"

"Alright I want Human Kite and Tupperware to-"

I cut him off

"Here's the plan: Mint-Berry Crunch I want you to use your powers of mint and berries and go get any of the creatures that wandered off and you either kill them or bring them here ok?"

"Mint-Berry Crunch is on it!"

"Hey I'm supposed to giving orders Kinney"

"Toolshed! In the mall there should television and right now it's nine o'clock. Find it and turn on comedy central because the Roast of Justin Bieber is on, connect it to the speakers out here and play it at max volume"

He had a confused look to his face

"Are sure that would help?"

"I died laughing to that Stan, it should definitely help"

"Okay then?"

"Kinney knock it off"

"Coon I want you to use Iron Maiden to push the monsters into the portal while Tupperware, Mosquito and Human Kite distract the guys that are here and keep them in this area until push them into the portal or Stan does what I ask got it?"

"What you can't make Token do that!"

Cartman interjected. He cared?

"And why not?"

"He's black we have to save him in case we need a sacrifice"

Oh that's why

"What are you going to do Mysterion?"

"Deal with Lucifer"

I said looking over at him…it's on

"Everyone know what to do?"

"No fuck you I'm not following your orders. The club is called "Coon and Friends" not "Douchebag and Friends"

"Then do you have a better idea?"

"I…..no"

"Then go and do what ask while I deal with Lucifer, everyone else know what to do?"

"Yes!"

They all said simultaneously

"Good! Now go!"

"So fucking weak"

Cartman said before they all ran off to their destinations, besides Bradley who flew there. I walked over to Lucifer

"Ok enough of this Lucifer, close the portal so we can go home"

"Never! Cthulhu's defeat from Mint-Berry Crunch will not be permanent!"

"Then I will force you to end this!"

I threw a punch at him causing him to recoil from the pain. That certainly pissed him off and caused him to come at me in a flurry of punches as I held him back, taking every punch then as I retaliated with an uppercut sending him backwards. He held the bottom of his mouth in pain

"Lord give me strength!"

He called out with his arms up before he was hit with a crimson black bolt from the sky that didn't hurt him like a normal lightning bolt should but seemed to empower him as his eyes went from brown to red.

"Oh shit"

I said as he came at me full force his punches hurting a lot more and coming a lot faster. I managed to block some of them but a good kick to my stomach sent me flying and I landed flat on my back.

"Hahaha! How do you like the devil's strength?!"

Lucifer laughed as a lay flat on my back, clutching my stomach which was hurting like hell. I looked at my fellow heroes…Mosquito and Tupperware were running from the monsters while the Coon and Human Kite were arguing and Iron Maiden was on the ground

"Help me pick up Iron Maiden, Cartman!"

"You don't know that I'm Cartman because my true identity is secret!

"Just help me pick him up!"

"We tried that already Human Kunt! His costume is too heavy"

Mint-Berry Crunch was wrapped in the tentacles of one of monsters and Toolshed was nowhere in sight. I decided to keep the fight on and got up and attacked him. I punched and kicked as hard and fast as I could but he was faster than before as he blocked my punches before one solid punch to my face sent me barreling backwards. He caught me by my outfit, raised me up with one arm and brought the other one back while curling his hand into a fist

"Any last words?"

He asked…I couldn't reply as I was dazed from the punch

"Didn't think so"

His fist began to glow red

"Lights out"

 _I'm so sorry Karen…_

I thought as he brought his burning red fist for the finishing blow

" _Pull out your grills and hamburger buns, it's time for Bieber Roast! Only on Comedy Central!"_

Suddenly I heard a television. His fist stopped inches from my face and everyone seem to freeze in the parking lot as they listened

" _Justin's fans are called Beliebers because it's a politically incorrect use of the word retard!"_

I heard Natasha Legerro call out Justin Bieber and some of the monsters began to chuckle…Stan did it

" _The kid has spunk, moxie and probably a few other STD's"_

I heard Ron Burgundy's voice and some more of the creatures laughed

"Haha yeah"

Lucifer agreed with the television

" _Last year you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn't even score that low and he uses your music to torture people"_

Shaquille 'O'Neal's joke caused an uproar of laughter. Lucifer was laughing as well

" _Justin was born to a single-teenage mom, no wonder he's got moves he was in the womb trying to dodge coat hangers!"_

Natasha's joke caused the creatures to laugh so much they either suffocated from oxygen or exploded from laugh overload. Lucifer was laughing hysterically too…now's my chance, his guard is down. I kicked him with full force in the chin which caused him to drop me and hold his mouth in pain. I tackled him to the ground and punched and kicked with hells furry.

"Okay whoa easy there Mysterion!"

"Give me a reason to"

I brought my fist up ready to knock him out

"I know you aren't human!"

I stopped

"I saw it in your eyes, you have something in you"

"What do you mean something in me?"

The blue portal began to grow larger

"You must know of the city fallen from the stars yes?"

"Yes"

The portal kept growing

"And you know all the creatures from that dimension correct?"

"Yes what about it!"

A monstrously large black figure was visible and two ghostly red eyes were visible

"The thing that you should know about yourself is…"

"WHAT!"

The figure came out

"You won't be waking up"

"Huh?"

Then everything went to black

 **Author's note:** **And another cliffhanger! What happened to Mysterion? Does Lucifer know something? Is Kenny dead for good? Was Bieber roast really that funny? Will I ever stop asking questions? All this and more on the next chapter of "The Mystery of Mysterion"!**


	5. Chapter 5-The Coon's Kewl Chapter

**Narration:** **Previously on the "Mystery of Mysteri-"AHHHHH**

 **Narration (take two):** **Previously on "The Coon". The totally amazing superhero known as "the Coon" battled evil creatures from another dimension. As he fought with all his awesomeness, everyone cheered for him and even his superhero companions stood in awe of his kewl powers. Unfortunately the Coon couldn't save one of his friends…Tupperware, the only black superhero ever known but it is because he is black that he has to die because the black guy always dies, you won't be forgotten Token. Also Kinney died** _ **again.**_ **Honestly why is this story even have him in it, all he does is die. This story should be about the Coon and not some asshole WHO WEARS HIS UNDERWEAR ON THE OUTSIDE SHOWING EVRYONE HIS BUTT FUCKING CHEECKS!...But unfortunately, since this story isn't about the super kewl Coon, I am making** _ **this**_ **episode dedicated to…** _ **The Coon!**_ **Ha! Take that Kinney you fuckin asshole!**

 **Chapter 5: The Coon's kewl episode!**

 **Cartman's P.O.V.**

"Oh my god they killed Kenny! You bastards!"

Human Kike repeated the line he says every time Kenny dies as my good friend Cthulhu came out of the portal and stepped on Kenny.

"Sweet! Now you guys have to listen to me now. Thanks Cthulhu!"

I call out as Cthulhu scrapped his foot across the ground to wipe off the Kenny that was stuck to it. Cthulhu was so kewl. Of course that new kid who looked like he went through years of rehab got a boner about him being here

"Cthulhu! Oh great dark master of R'lyeh I hoped you are pleased that I brought you back to this dimension so you may have a chance to rein again!"

Dark Master? I didn't know Cthulhu was black. Cthulhu slowly looked him

"Are you pleased master? I managed to bring you here with the use of the Necronomicon"

I butted in at the pathetic attempt to befriend the most evil thing in the universe…other than the Jews of course, at least Cthulhu didn't crucify Jesus

"Hey Cthulhu! Buddy wassup?"

"You aren't worthy to talk to Cthulhu dough boy"

The fat jokes are getting old people seriously

"Okay seriously your starting to piss me off albino and Cthulhu is my friend not yours"

"Cthulhu isn't _friends_ with anyone!"

Ha this stupid, pale asshole must not watch the news. My rein with Cthulhu was all over it

"Oh yeah…Cthulhu! Do you still have the t-shirt I gave you?"

He held up his Coon and Friend t-shirt

"Ha snowballs! Looks like Cthulhu does have a friend and it's me! Are you jealous huh? Are you seething in rage?"

"Cthulhu you can't seriously be on the side of this hunk of crap are you?"

Okay dude seriously you are staring to piss me off

"Cthulhu isn't just on my side you sundried shit. He also does everything I ask him to right Cthulhu!"

He picked me up with a mad look on his face before I pulled off cute kitten. I brushed up against his tentacles like a cat would while I purred. As always he fell right into it and his face softened as he placed me on his back. Man for a dark god he is a sucker

" _Cthulhu! I'm-I'm ashamed!"_

"Who are you Cthulhu's mom? Cthulhu! Banish him to a dark oblivion please!"

With a slow swoosh of Cthulhu's hand, that powdered twinkie was on his way to the Sunken City of R'yleh

"Kick-ass you rock Cthulhu!"

Cthulhu placed his hand on the back of his head slowly while chuckling embarrassingly

"Oh no please don't be a repeat of yesterday"

Human Kike said as Toolshit came running out of the mall

"Guys what happened! Did those bastards kill Ken- _whoa"_

Toolshed said as he stood in awe of my power

"Yes, yes I know Toolshed"

Time to be a dick

"Meet the newest member of Coon and Friends, the mighty Cthulhu!"

Tiger Woods I mean Tupperware interjected

" _What?_ He can't be a part of Coon and friends, he's evil!

"Shut up Token you are supposed to be dead by now! Cthulhu has helped me make the world a better place so if anyone deserves to be part of Coon and Friends it's him! And whoever dares defy me will be sent _back_ to a dark oblivion!"

" _What if I defy you Coon!"_

Aww great it's-

"Mint-Berry Crrrunch!"

I hate him so much, seriously

"Go home Mint-Berry Crunch nobody even knows you!"

"Mint-Berry Crunch isn't afraid of you Coon! Everyone in the Super Avenger League is-"

Okay that does it! Him changing the Coon and friends name is where I draw the line

"Cthulhu him too!"

Cthulhu swooshed his hand but slowly of course

"Oh yeah! Mint-Berry Crunch will counter that with Instant Trans _mint_ ion!"

The little blonde douchebag said before he teleported, leaving behind the faggy scent minty freshness and he reappeared behind us

"Cthulhu! Behind you!"

I told him as he turned around before firing a lightning bolt from his hand

"Time for a Berry Bomb!"

Queer-Berry Crunch placed his hands together and a pink sphere of gay berry energy formed and he threw it at Cthulhu's thunderbolt, causing an explosion Michael Bay would be proud of. It almost caused Cthulhu to fall on his back with me on it

"Hey watch it Cthulhu I'm supposed to be handled with care!"

I looked around

"What happened to Doucheberry Crunch?"

Bradley Butthole was behind me and Cthulhu somehow and he cupped his hands at the side of his body

"Mint"

A pink sphere of energy formed within his cupped hands

"Berry"

He paused for a moment

"BLAST!"

He screamed as he brought his cupped hands in Cthulhu's direction and a pink blast of mint and berry energy was fired from the pink orb of energy…god I hate him.

"Oh shit!"

I said as the Mint-Berry Blast hit Cthulhu at full force, causing me to fall off the squid dragon and the blast sent Cthulhu right into the portal that he came from. Mint-Berry Crunch caught me by sealing me in a Berry Bubble then flew over to the portal and sealed it with his berry powers, GOD DAMMIT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY KEWL EPISODE!

"Are my fellow superheroes alright?"

 _Mint-Berry Crunch asked with minty sincerity in his voice._ God I was gonna vomit

"Yeah Bradley we're fine thanks to you"

"Bradley you never told us you can do a freaking Kamehameha! That's awesome!"

"No _it's not awesome_ he just stole it from Dragonball Z! That's copyright! HEY ARE ANY JAPS AROUND HERE, THIS ASSHOLE IS COPYRIGHTING YOU!"

He poked my pink berry bubble with his finger causing it to pop and make me land flat on my ass…I really hope someone mint-berry punches him square in the face for being a dick

"Eric you haven't been _berry_ nice to me or any of us and if you don't want us to kick you out _again_ you should apologize to all of us"

I exploded

" _APOLOGIZE!"_

"Yes! We are all equal in this team and you're always acting like you're the boss and even though you betrayed us and acted like a _berry_ big dick, we still let you back in so if you are the least bit grateful you will treat us like we've been treating you"

"Yeah so get your raccoon tail out your fat ass"

"FUCK YOU TOOLSHED WHY DON'T YOU PULL YOUR TOOLS OUT OF YOUR ASS!"

 _ **Cut to: Another dimension**_

 **Lucas P.O.V.**

I looked around, I was here…again

 **Author's Note:** **Okay and that was Chapter 5! So I hope you guys enjoyed and I am having real fun writing this fiction and you guys really seem to like this story so I'm** _ **berry**_ **glad you're enjoying it. Tell me what you thought of the chapter and Chapter 6 should be out shortly!**


	6. Chapter 6-One fugly secret

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". I'm still pissed since that fat kid took over my narration so for your summary…Cthulhu, Lucifer, Cartman, dick, dark oblivion, Mint-Berry Crunch, Kamehameha, another dimension.**

 **Chapter 6: One fugly secret**

 **Lucifer P.O.V.**

I looked around

"I'm here again! DAMN IT!"

I screamed and suddenly I was hit in the face and that caused me to fall on the ground

" _You little prick!"_

A dark voice said as I turned in its direction…It was that kid again. I should have known he was going to be here.

" _Do you have any idea what you just cost me?! Why am I here?!"_

He screamed at me

"Ha! Do you really think I know the answer?"

He pulled me up to his eye level. I saw those eyes but this time filled with pure wrath

" _I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW BUT MY SISTER IS IN THE HOSPITAL WAITING FOR ME TO SHOW UP AND BECAUSE OF YOU I CAN'T! I SHOULD KILL YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!"_

I chuckled at his attempt to intimidate me

"You're not gonna kill me"

" _AND WHY DO YOU THINK THAT!"_

"I'm immortal as well!"

He stopped

"From the minute I saw you I knew you were immortal. You have that same look in them that I do. They look like the eyes of a confused, lost child searching for help"

He stuttered

" _I you ah-so!_ I have the power to kill you, only an immortal can kill another immortal!"

"That would be foolish…"

"Oh and why is that!"

"Because you would never find out what you are"

"THEN TELL ME!"

"I don't know what you are you jackshit but I can help you…we are alike you and me, we-"

"DON'T TRY THAT _You and me are alike_ BULLSHIT! I AM NOT AND NEVER WILL BE LIKE YOU!"

"I'm trying to find out what I am as well boy. That's why I am a cultist in the first place because maybe Cthulhu can tell me just what I am"

"CTHULHU IS A DARK LORD BENT ON ENSLAVING HUMANITY FOR 3,000 YEARS! WHY WOULD HE TELL YOU ANYTHING?!"

"Because I am a follower, not someone trying to stop him so he has no reason to kill or enslave me and if you want to find out too I suggest you become a cultist as well"

"I WILL FIND OUT WHAT I AM WITHOUT YOUR HELP! So if you don't mind, I'm going to see my sister!"

"You don't know the way out!"

"All I have to do is kill myself fucktard! I've been here before!"

"You too huh?"

"YES ME TOO I…you've been here before?"

I looked down before I spoke

"My father…he's immortal too…he's scum all he does is get drunk..."

I began to choke up

"One night he was drinking so much I-I tried to stop him…but he became violent…"

I paused as I began to tear up

"…he choked me to death with his belt and after everything went to black I woke up here…luckily Cthulhu took a shit on me by mistake and I couldn't dig my way out in time so I died of crap inhalation"

"Shit on you?"

He asked

"Do you see a place to use the bathroom? Here it's just squat and drop"

I continued with my story

"After that I woke up in my bed and I thought that maybe it was just a bad dream y'know but then I went downstairs and saw all the bottles…the worst part is my dad doesn't even remember that he did that…and that's when I dedicated my life to find out why I was immortal so I followed Cthulhu cults all over the country and that's why I convinced my dad to move to South Park"

"How did you do that?"

"I told them they had "all you can drink" bars here and he had us move faster than Sonic the Hedgehog running downhill"

It was silent for a while until he asked

"Do you know why your dad is immortal?"

"Grandpa and Grandma were cultists"

He paused before speaking

"Well I'm sorry to hear that but my sister is in the hospital and she's not immortal so I need to see her _now"_

As if on cue we heard screaming and it got dark as we saw a huge figure falling from the sky. It was none other than Cthulhu and of course he fell on us, crushing us to death

 _ **Meanwhile in South Park**_

 **Kyle's P.O.V.**

"Oh my god they killed Kenny! You Bastards!"

My friends and Cartman just looked at me as I randomly screamed that…why did I scream that?

 _ **Cut to:**_ **Kenny's house**

 **Kenny's P.O.V. (yeah we are back to this)**

I woke in my bed and I felt like I just been through hell. My dad knocked on my door

"Kenny! Wake up! You have to go to school!"

School?...oh no

"Dad! What time is it?!"

"Eight Kenny, now get up! We are gonna visit your sister first"

All that ran through my mind was…Karen

 **Author's note:** **And that was Chapter 6! That was worth the wait wasn't it? No?…it was too short? Apologizes. I just can't stress how happy I am you guys are enjoying this story, I'm getting great reviews and lots of views so thanks to you all! Chapter 7 will be uploaded soon!**


	7. Chapter 7-Her only hope

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". We find out Lucifer is immortal as well…that's really about it, oh well back to the story**

 **Chapter 7: Her only hope**

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

I rushed into Hell's Pass Hospital with so many emotions and thoughts running through my mind: _Is she ok? I hope she's not upset, I let her down…_

"Doctor!"

I called to random doctor in front of the elevator

"Do you know if Karen McCormick is alright?"

"Oh…well I'm sorry to say this but-but she passed away last night"

Suddenly everything around me just seemed to shatter…I let her down

"MY BABY, MY BABY IS GONE!"

My mother wailed

"Karen…no"

I began to tear up

"Nah I'm just kidding, she's fine we like to have fun here at Hell's Pass have you seen my Facebook page?"

I went from sad to pissed in 2.2 seconds

"MOVE ASSHOLE!"

I screamed as I pushed him out of the way and I entered the elevator with my family. God why was everyone in this hospital such a dickhead? My dad confronted him

"I should report you for that! What is your name?!"

"Dr. Giant Douche Bag"

"Come on dad!"

I called and he got in the elevator. The elevator reached the second floor and I hesitantly entered Karen's room. I saw her sitting up, resting her back on her pillow. She was so still I thought she really was dead until I saw her blink

"Um hey Karen…"

She didn't respond

"How are you doing?"

Nothing

"Karen? Karen its mommy, how are you doing sweetie?"

She stayed silent as she just looked straight ahead holding her pink teddy bear.

"Oh McCormicks…you're here"

He said with a degree of disgust

"Shut up asshole"

My dad retorted before my mom asked

"What's the matter with her doctor?"

"It's her hope, Mrs. McCormick"

A lump formed in my throat

"Her hope?"

"Yes we performed an x-ray examination to find her hope but we couldn't find anything, it's almost as if…she lost it"

"Is-is that bad?"

"Very, her entire body might go through depression and since the body has lost all hope it will just shut down. She needs a hope transplant but trying to find a patient with hope in a hospital is harder than finding a dog by a Chinese restaurant"

There was a moment of silence in the room

"What can we do?"

"Well hopefully, I can diagnose some pills but if we don't find a patient with hope she could very well die"

My parents looked at each other before my dad said

"We need to ask you somethings outside Dr. Asshole"

"Ok sure"

He brought my parents out the room and Kevin followed them. Leaving me with Karen…alone. It was silent for what seemed like forever before she finally broke the silence

"He didn't show up Kenny"

"Uhhh who didn't show up?"

I asked stupidly even though I knew

"My guardian angel Kenny…he didn't show up"

"Well Karen um…maybe he was busy y'know he-he is a superhero after all…"

"He said he would always be there for me and he's not. He said he would always protect me and he doesn't…Am I just not important to him anymore?"

She asked as I saw nothing but pain and sadness within her teary eyes

"Karen you have to understand he…he has to protect other people to y'know?"

"I thought everyone gets their own guardian angel"

"No Karen he's everyone's guardian angel but you are the most important thing in the world to him okay"

She appeared to be less upset after I told her that

"But then why didn't he show up for me?"

"Like I said he has to protect others as well and he might not know your even here"

"But doesn't he always watch over me?"

I didn't know how to answer

"I guess he meant in spirit…"

"I guess…but at least you are here for me Kenny I don't know what I would do without you sometimes"

"I don't know what I'd do without you Karen…"

My family came back into the room with the doctor

"Okay Karen so here's what we are gonna…what the?"

He cut himself off as he saw the heart rate monitor besides her bed start slowly beeping

"My god…"

"What doctor"

"The hope rate monitor…it's going up"

Oh so it's a hope rate monitor

"What does that mean?"

"It means her hope is coming back but it is still very little hope…but that little amount of hope can make a difference"

He paused

"Her hope levels gone up when we left her with your son, so that must mean…

He looked at me

"You must be her only hope…"

 **Author's note:** **M'kay I hope you all enjoyed chapter 7! This is one of my more touchy feely chapters so again tell me what you think of it and Chapter 8 will be coming soon! Also apologizes for not uploading yesterday…I kinda got lazy so please forgive me**


	8. Chapter 8-Visions

**Narration: Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Kenny shows up at Hell's Pass to see Karen before he went to school. After being told Karen died he went upstairs and she was fine, meaning that doctor is a douche. Karen was in critical condition as her hope disappeared but after Kenny talked to her it had gone back up slightly. That's when Kenny realized that he was Karen's only hope but Karen is going to find out that she might be Kenny's only hope as well…**

 **Chapter 8: Visions**

 **Karen's P.O.V.**

I laid down in the hospital bed…I wish Kenny didn't have to go to school he always makes me feel better. These hospital beds aren't comfortable at all and the doctor is an asshole. My parents, Kevin and the doctor entered

"Hey sweetie"

"Hey Karen"

"Hey mom, hey dad, hey Kevin"

"How are you doing?"

"Good I guess, the mattresses are uncomfortable though"

"Oh well sorry if the hospital beds aren't comfortable for you because with all of the rape and war going on in the world today why don't we just forget about it and waste our money to make sure every bed in this hospital is as soft as a baby's ass"

"SHUT UP ASSHOLE!"

I along with my family called out. His response was

"And then you people wonder why I am an asshole"

"Just tell her what you need to do"

Daddy said and there was a pause in the room

"Karen unfortunately we are going to have to put you through surgery"

"S-surgery?"

I shuttered

"Yes but you won't feel a thing. We found a patient who will donate his hope to you"

A donor?

"Who is it?"

"Oh just some voter who was mad that Obama got reelected…he says he doesn't need it anymore"

Jeez…

"Yes so come follow me to the room, Mr. and Mrs. McCormick wait down in the lobby"

"Aren't you suppose to like…roll her bed to the room?"

"Why? Her legs aren't broken"

"Okay I hope that after she gets better we never have to see you again"

"Yes Mr. McCormick and I hope you become employed"

Daddy kicked him straight in the groin

"And also make sure nothing happens to my daughter"

Daddy threatened before him, mommy and Kevin went towards the lobby. I felt happy in a strange sort of way…even though I'm sick and I could die, mommy and daddy care about me…I felt so happy at that moment even if the doctor is on the ground right now. He got up slowly

"Come on Karen…"

He had trouble saying due to the pain he was in.

 _ **Cut to: The operating room**_

I laid down preparing for the inevitable. The doctor said I wouldn't feel anything…right? I was so scared…why couldn't Kenny be here or my guardian angel? Even though someone was in the bed next to me I still felt alone…so alone. I try and talk to him, maybe he's nice

"Um hello"

"You the kid I'm donning my hope to?"

"Yeah, um thank you by the way"

"It's not like I need it anymore…Obama said things would change! But does anything in this redneck town look different to you? _No!"_

I tried to maintain the conversation, even though I had no clue about politics

"Well maybe he wants too but he can't, my brother told me once that things are easier said than done"

"Whatever! It don't matter no more…my hope is gone and so I might as well give what's left of it to someone who needs it"

The doctor walked in…with needles

"Okay so in order to perform the surgery I need to give you anesthesia"

"What's that?"

I asked, I didn't really know what that is

"It puts you to sleep so this way you don't feel the surgery"

Well…if I don't feel it, it can't be that bad right? He walks over to the guy I just talked to

"Are you sure you want to do this, pissed off voter? You might never be hopeful ever again"

"Yes, what's the point of having hope anyway?"

He injected him with the needle in the arm, I cringed. He walked over to me and pulled out a second needle…oh boy why a needle?

"Give me your arm Karen"

I hesitantly reach out as he grabbed my arm and injected it. The effects were taking place rather fast, I felt drowsy and my eyes felt heavy before they shut, pulling me into a deep, dark slumber…

I woke up in a dark place…everything felt spacey like I wasn't actually here…almost like a dream. I looked around searching for a way out of here and something appeared in front of me. Three small animals stood in front of me or should I say, floated and I saw through them. One of them spoke

"Hello Karen I am Catatafish"

 _~Catatafish of the stomach cove~_

I heard a strange voice sing after Catatafish introduced himself

"To my right is the Frog King and to my left is the Sparrow Prince"

"Hello"

The birdy and the frog said

"Wow a prince?"

I said in amazement. The birdy was the one I liked the best, frogs are icky and fish are gross. If he was like a goldfish he would be cool, but the bird is so cute and he's a prince too, like prince charming almost but way cuter

"I understand you are very confused…allow me to explain, the place you are in little one is your own mind we are simply here to guide you through it"

" _I knew this surgery was a bad idea"_

I jumped as what I was thinking echoed through the darkness

"W-w-what was that?!"

"Your thoughts, we are in your own mind so we all can hear what you're thinking"

"So is that what that music was?"

"Oh no, I always hear that

 _~Catatafish is as vigilant as can beee~_

"See?"

"So…are you little animals real?"

"Very, we are just ghosts that generally haunt the asshole of a gay man who once used us for anal pleasure but today is taco Tuseday so we leave"

"You do not want to be up that man's ass on taco Tuesday"

The birdy said after Catatafish spoke. I was confused…nonetheless the froggy spoke

"Come Karen, we have much to show you…"

Catatafish said before what appeared to be a door opened up behind them and let a brilliant, bright, white light through. I put my hands over my eyes…it was so bright

"Go on through that door Karen"

The froggy told me and I hesitantly walked on through. I opened my eyes after I went through the door. The room was darkly colored, the walls were black and the floor was gray and cement almost like it took place in a cellar or basement but the first thing I noticed was a long black carpet that cut through the middle of a whole audience people sitting in seats, each one of them holding a candle. Two people were at the front both with a dark robe with their hoods over.

"W-what is this?"

I asked a lot and the three little animals appeared next to me and the fish spoke

"What you are looking at is a past cult meeting"

"Cult meeting?"

The froggy responded

"Yes, this is one of the many Cthulhu cults around the globe but there is a reason we brought you here…look at the third row"

I looked ahead

"I don't see anybody"

"So then walk there"

"But won't someone see me?"

"No we are just viewing the past…we aren't a part of it so we cannot interact with it in any means"

The fishy told me and I walked slowly to the third row and saw

"Mommy? Daddy?"

They sat there, holding a candle as they looked forward then suddenly the guy at the front spoke

"Let's get this meeting going shall we!"

They took their hoods off and it was an elderly man and elderly woman

"So as we know I along with my wife will soon be retiring from the position of cult masters after 20 years of this, but let's not talk about that at the moment…right now we have new members! Please stand to introduce yourselves"

Mommy and daddy stood up from their seats

"Everyone! Welcome Mr. and Mrs. McCormick to our cult!"

Everyone welcomed them by saying

"Hello McCormicks"

"Uh hi everyone"

Daddy said before the old man spoke

"So everyone since they are new we have to bring them to cult communion!"

"Cult communion?"

Daddy asked

"Huh? Yes Mr. McCormick come fourth and bring your lovely wife"

They walked up to the front of the room and the old man handed daddy a glass of black liquid while the old woman handed mommy a glass of black liquid

"What's this?"

"Huh? It's the ink of Cthulhu, you must drink it as communion then you will be part of our cult"

"And we will get our free beer after this right?"

"Huh? Oh yes of course after communion is beer to celebrate"

"Works for me!"

"Wait a minute Stuart I'm not comfortable with this"

"Carol what part of "free" and "beer" makes you uncomfortable?"

"…Good point"

They each took a sip

"How is it?"

"Tastes like coke"

Mommy said before daddy spoke

"Do we get beer now?"

"Huh? Not yet"

They were handed a piece of bread

"What is this?"

"Huh? Oh it is the body of Cthulhu you must eat it if you are a follower"

"So we have to eat a piece of bread and drink a glass of coke to get beer?"

"Stuart why does this seem like a religious thing?"

"I dunno I guess just play along"

They each took a bite

"There can we get beer now?"

"Huh? One more thing McCormicks"

Daddy groaned as the old man flipped through a book, but the man began to ask questions

"So your wife is pregnant right Mr. McCormick?"

"Uh yeah"

"Huh? A Boy or a girl"

"We don't know yet"

"Huh? What are you going to name the baby?"

Mommy responded this time

"Well if it's a girl we were going to name it Karen but if it's boy we thought Kenny would be a nice name"

"Why are you asking us?"

Daddy said suspiciously

"Huh? Oh I was just curious"

He paused

"But would you like to find out the gender?"

He said in a noticeably darker tone

"Oh are you a doctor?"

"Huh? No but my son and his wife actually have their own son on the way. They are going to name him…Lucas"

"They know it's a boy already?"

Mommy asked

"Huh? Yes and all they had to do was read this…"

He handed mommy the book and her and daddy began to read

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh-"

A dark, shadowy figure behind mommy appeared. I looked at it terrified

"M-mommy"

"She can't hear you Karen"

"Cthulhu R'yleh-"

Two large, red eyes opened up

"M-mommy!"

"They aren't able to hear you Karen, no matter how loud you call"

"wgah'nagl fhtagn?"

The dark figure lashed out

"MOMMY!"

 **Author's note:** **And that was chapter 8…hard for me to sound excited after how eerie that chapter made me feel. Whaddya guys think about it? I take all kinds of criticism so honest reviews I appreciate the most. I hope you guys liked it and stay tuned for chapter 9…**


	9. Chapter 9-Karen learns the truth

**Narration:** **Fuck this narration let's just get to it!**

 **Chapter 9: Karen learns the truth**

 **Karen's P.O.V.**

I uncovered my eyes…the darkness wasn't there anymore and mommy looked fine. That darkness, it…it looked like a scary monster

"What was that?!"

I said terrified and the froggy replied

"We aren't exactly sure Karen but we believe it was a the spirit of a creature from the city fallen from the stars"

"W-what?"

City fallen from the stars?

"Yes that chant summoned the spirit of one of the creatures from the Sunken City of R'yleh and we believe that it is in your brother"

"Who? Kenny?"

"Yes"

"But…does that mean Kenny is in danger?"

"No but is the reason for Kenny's powers"

"P-powers?"

I asked and the fish replied

"We understand that this is hard for you to believe but your brother is immortal"

"What does that mean?"

"He is unable to die even by natural causes"

This was a little too much for me to take for take in…fallen cities, mommy and daddy are cult members and Kenny has a superpower? But…why wouldn't he tell me? I always tell him everything so why wouldn't he tell me?

"Why didn't he tell me? I would have believed him"

"He thought it would be futile, no ever remembers…not even his best friends"

I felt really bad after I heard that. Poor Kenny…

"Stuart I…I think it's a boy"

"But you thought it was a girl 3 days ago"

"I know but…but I really think it's going to be a boy all of a sudden"

Kenny…

"What did you make us read?"

"Huh? Oh uh…free beer!"

Everybody got up and left through a door that was located to the left of the stand mommy, daddy and the creepy old people were

"W-why are showing me this?"

"This is very important to your brother Kenny"

"How?"

"He does not know what he is nor why he has this power and right now he needs your help"

"So…do you want me to tell him what I saw?"

"Yes Karen it is very important and we had to jump at the opportunity to help you and your family so I gave you pneumonia"

 _~Catatafish gave Karen pneumonia~_

"…You gave _me_ pneumonia?"

I replied angrily to the fish

"Yes it was a long shot but we were trying to put in the hospital for a while now"

"WHAT! I just met you guys!"

"What you don't remember all those times?"

 _ **Flashback 1**_

" _I'm going outside to play mom"_

" _Ok Karen"_

 _I ran forward and a large anvil just missed me_

" _Damn it"_

 _Catatafish muttered_

 _ **Flashback 2**_

" _And apparently a 300 foot Mecha-Streisand is in South Park! With more of this report is Japanese person who looks a lot like Jackie Chan"_

" _If you a rook over here you can-a see the robot Streisand outside of these people's house-su"_

 _The Streisand stomped right through the living room of our house and just missed me who was sitting on the couch_

" _What are you doing in there Karen?!"_

" _Nothing mommy"_

" _Damn it"_

 _ **Flashback 3**_

" _Got any threes?"_

" _Go fish Kenny"_

 _I said as we played go fish. Suddenly he was full of bullet holes. I heard voices from outside_

" _You shot the wrong kid! What kind of assassin are you"_

 _He looked up from his rifle. He was cross-eyed_

" _Damn it"_

 _ **Ending Flashbacks**_

" _You were trying to kill me?!"_

"Oh no, no we were just trying to hurt you enough to put you in a coma but we couldn't so we went with plan B"

 _~Catatafish's plan was dumb~_

"Hey!"

"No that music is right Mr. Fish! Why couldn't you just give me a dream about it or something else?!"

"You always sleep with that dream catcher over your head so we could not get access"

 _My dream catcher!_ I forgot all about it! Kenny gave me a dream catcher as a present because I used to have a lot of bad dreams and after I started using it I never had another bad dream since…until now

"Oh…but how did you even give me pneumonia in the first place?"

"It was a little process called bass to-"

" _No Frog King!_ She is too young to understand"

"Too young to understand what?"

 _~Catatafish made Karen suck asshole~_

"Damn you voice!"

"EWW! You made me do what?!"

"You see pneumonia is just fluid in the lungs and that fluid technically came from Catatafish's-"

" _Silence Sparrow Prince!"_

"Aww gross! Ewww! Ewww!"

I coughed and gagged and tried to spit it out.

"I thought it was a virus that gave to me!"

"Actually that is how the fluid formed…Catatafish had kind of a fishy STD"

"STD?"

The frog opened his mouth to tell me but the fish interjected

"You definitely are not telling her what that is"

I definitely like the frog more than the fish now and the worst part is he must have done it when I was sleeping gross!

"Look Karen we had to-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa what is this _we_ business?"

"Frog king I made you and Sparrow Prince agree that we all take full responsibility"

"Well we didn't think you meant bass to mouth!"

"Yeah I thought you were great wizard not a child molester"

"I am a great wizard Sparrow Prince! And Frog King don't act like you didn't tongue and tadpole that girl frog you found"

 _~Frog King stuck his tongue in a frog's love hole~_

 _~And he also wiggled it like a tadpole~_

"Oh it was tongue and tadpole I thought it was tongue in toad"

"I don't mess with toads Sparrow Prince they're nasty"

"You just think that because they remind of that perverted octopus at the South Park aquarium"

"Ugh don't ever remind me of that octopus again Catatafish"

"Why is that so different from Sparrow Prince bird bathing in that fat woman's va-"

" _Can you stop the arguing! Something more important is going on!_ I have to know more about Kenny and I need you guys to help me! _"_

I screamed and suddenly what was around me began to fade.

"W-what's going on?"

"Your anesthesia must be wearing off our time here is running out!"

"But I need to help Kenny!"

"We will try to comeback Karen but we must warn you! There's a doctor in your hospital who is also part of the cult! His name is-"

I woke up…

 **Author's note:** **Oh boy that was chapter 9! I know I probably killed the mood from the last chapter with this one so apologizes if you were expecting something different. I hope you guys enjoyed and stay tuned for chapter 10 as long as I didn't piss you off with this chapter. Love you guys!**


	10. Chapter 10-Romances and Advances

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Karen learns about Kenny's immortality through the help of the Frog King, Sparrow Prince and Catatafish. Also Karen finds out that Catatafish gave Karen pneumonia through ass to trout. Or maybe it was salmon in hole or even tuna with anal but the point is Karen got pneumonia through some fish and asshole technique passed down from generation to generation of pedophile fish. But Karen also learns that there is more to this than swordfish poke anus…also Kenny realized that the school is having pizza Tuesday...**

 **Chapter 10: Romances and Advances**

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

As I walked down the sidewalk to school one sentence kept recycling in my mind

" _You must be her only hope, you must be her only hope, you must be her only hope"_

The thought paced back and forth in my brain. The worst part being that Dr. Asshole was actually right, I _am_ her only hope. She has all her faith, hope and trust in _me_ and that's a responsibility I don't intend on messing up…

 _ **Cut to: School**_

"So for the next lesson we are going to learn about nursery rhymes"

I walked in and Mr. Garrison turned his attention to me

"Oh Kenny, how nice for you show up"

I handed him my tardy pass

"Alright take your seat you missed a very important lesson so copy notes from somebody sitting next to you"

As I sat he continued

"Okay children so the nursery rhyme "Someone is in the kitchen with Dyna" for example sounds like a possible break in and someone probably had the intention to have his way with Dyna. It is unknown just how attractive Dyna is but-"

"Hey Red can I copy your notes real quick?"

I whispered blocking Mr. Garrison out

"Sure but the lesson wasn't that important"

"What was it?"

"Why gay marriage shouldn't be legalized"

"He's just mad that Mr. Slave left him for Big Gay Al"

I just glanced around but I noticed that Lucifer wasn't here

"What's wrong?"

"Have you seen Lucifer?"

"Who?"

"The new kid who looked like an emo, sadistic drug addict"

"Oh him…I haven't seen him"

"Excuse Kenny, Rebecca are you going to interrupt my class like yesterday?"

"No teacher"

We both replied at once. We noticed this and we looked at each other in slight surprise

"Well good so may I please continue? Okay so now the as for the nursery rhyme "The Cock and the Bull" is actually about the bull's-

 _ **CUT TO LUNCHTIME!**_

I sat down with my friends at the lunch table as Cartman just came from the lunch and sat down with me, Kyle, Stan, Butters, Jimmy, Craig and Tweek. Why are we sitting with him from what happened last night?

"Dude pizza Tuesday kicks ass"

He said as he sat down

"Dude, Kenny where's your lunch?"

"I don't have anything to eat Kyle"

"Why your house has no food in it again?"

"No Cartman we were in a rush to see Karen and I didn't have time to put my lunch together"

"So why don't you just buy something? It is pizza Tuesday after all"

"Did you forget I'm poor Stan?

"Oh sorry dude…"

"Aww, well do you want some of my lunch Kenny?"

"No thanks Butters"

Red approached our table

"What do you want you red-haired skank?"

"Not anything from you fatso"

She harshly shot back at Cartman before her attention turned to me

"Where's your lunch Kenny?"

I told her and even though I was sort of embarrassed I wanted to be honest…

"I um…I-I don't have anything"

She looked like she was struck with sympathy

"Do you want me buy you some pizza?"

She asked and I was kind of surprised. Of course Cartman can't miss a chance like this

"HA! Dude this is so freaking weak! A girl buying Kenny lunch HAHAHA!"

As I was about to reply Red spoke up for me

"Since when was the last time you even had a girl talk to you fatass?

Everyone at the table "ohhed"

"Shut up little red riding bitch at least I'm not a faggy ass girl"

I opened my mouth as I was about to stand up for her but she once again got her words out faster

"At least I'm not the fatass wolf who ate the grandma"

Again the table "ohhed". For a girl she had comebacks

"Oh yeah well guess what! You might as well go back to your sunshine girly table because Kenny is a man and he doesn't want some girl whose hair is the same color as her period blood to buy him lunch right Kenny?"

"Ok sure Red"

"See I told y-wait what?"

I got up and stood next to Rebecca

" _Ah!_ Well I see how it is Kinney. I guess that makes you a pussy, huh guys?"

"Well you are what you eat"

I retorted and Red hit me lightly on my shoulder while smiling before we walked towards the lunch line…of course she couldn't see mine though

"Kenny is such a fag huh guys?"

"I don't know Cartman, I mean Red is a real pretty girl"

"Well Kyal since you want to be a fag too why don't you just marry Kinney?"

"Now Cartman I think Kyle is right, Red is pretty"

"No she's not! She a bitch! How do you think a girl whose hair matches her vaJJ blood, pretty?"

Stan had a worried look on his face

"You honestly don't think Red is hot?"

"No I don't Craig! Tweek! Do you agree with these gay wads?!"

"GAH! I don't know!"

"You guys don't think she's prettier than Wendy do you?"

Stan asked with concern on his face. Then Jimmy spoke

"I mean come on Cartman, Red is pretty hot I wouldn't mind t-taking that to bed"

"The fuck is wrong with guys?! Not only is she a bitch but she's a daywalker!"

He paused before he spoke again as if realizing something

"Kyal I think we found the perfect woman for you"

"Shut up Cartman"

"Kyal I'm seriously, but you should hurry because it looks like you're losing her to Kinney"

"Whatever Cartman"

"You guys think that Wendy is hotter right?"

"Dude why does it matter?"

Kyle asked and Stan just looked down

"I don't know…"

 _ **Cut to: Lunch table**_

After she brought me some food we decided to sit at an empty table together and eat. As she laughed from a joke I told her I felt kind of…strange

"So how come you showed up late Kenny?"

I felt like telling her my situation but I also didn't want to involve her

"I uh…I um…my sister"

"What about her?"

"She's…in the hospital"

"Oh I'm sorry to hear"

"Yeah"

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah she's okay…"

"Um why?"

"I don't really want to say…"

"Oh…alright"

She said and it got awkwardly silent but during this silence I got a chance to soak in something I loved about her…her hair.

" _It's so beautiful, Princess Kenny would love that kind of hair"_

I thought to myself. I like my messy, blonde hair but her beautiful red hair was just…wow

"I hope she gets better"

"Oh uh I yeah!"

I said as her voice pulled me from my thoughts

"It's been very red- _rough!_ It's been very rough…"

A thought ran through my head

" _Dammit Kenny! Pull yourself together!"_

"Ooookay"

She said awkwardly after my sentence screw up and there was another pause before I blurted out

"Has anyone told you that you have beautiful hair?"

That caught her off guard

"Huh?"

"I mean your hair…it's-it's really pretty"

"Oh um thank you Kenny"

She said and even though it came out as awkward she seemed to appreciate the compliment. She spoke

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure Red what?"

"I've always liked your eyes"

"My eyes?"

I asked kind of stunned

"Yeah, they are just so beautiful and blue…it's like looking into a swimming pool"

Thank god I have my hood on because my cheeks turned such a shade of red they almost glowed in the dark

"Thanks Red"

It got silent before I excused myself from the table

"I have to go to the bathroom I will…be right back"

I abruptly left the table, a girl has never managed to embarrass me before…oh god what is happening to me

 _ **Cut to: The girl's table**_

Bebe looked at Red from the girl's table along with Lola and Jenny. Bebe spoke to them

"I didn't know Red liked Kenny...looks like we have to change our meeting of the girls' subject today"

"Understood"

 _ **Cut to: The Bathroom**_

I splashed water on my face from the sink without taking my hood off.

" _I can't be falling in love with Red, especially with how Karen is right now I just can't deal with having a relationship"_

The thought pierced my mind before I splashed some more water on my face

" _The whole thing with Karen is just making me emotional…yeah that's it. I'm not in love with her no way…but she is really pretty…and her hair is beautiful and she's funny and SNAP OUT OF IT!"_

I dunked my head in the sink which was full of water, hoping the feelings would go away before I withdrew

"Look I just need to…to tell her need some space is all"

"Kenny!"

I jumped as I heard someone call out from behind me

"Lucifer?"

"I need to end it Kenny, I need to end it _now!"_

He sounded and looked like he gone mad. He was acting like Tweek

"What's wrong dude?"

"I can't take it! I can't take the dying anymore I just can't!"

I opened my mouth to speak but he spoke again

"I've tried everything man! I've tried shooting myself, jumping into the crocodile exhibit at the zoo, walked in front of a train, hanging myself, fall asleep in a burning house, drowning myself, ignoring stranger danger, not looking both ways before crossing the street, wore a red shirt and walked into a bullfight, skydived without a parachute, took a piss on a cobra, went to Wal-Mart on black Friday and I even listened to all of Share's music FOR 3 DAYS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

"Okay dude calm down"

"I need to end it I don't want my immortality anymore!"

I guess us being crushed by Cthulhu caused him to reach his breaking point

"What do you want me to do?!"

"You're immortal! That means you can end it for me please!"

"What I-I can't kill anyone"

"You're not killing me! It's-it's just assisted suicide!"

"Technically I am!"

"No one is gonna remember Kenny so it doesn't matter just please kill me please!"

"How?"

"I brought my dad's belt just strangle me with it"

"What! No!"

He collapsed on the ground at my feet screaming

"PLEASE JUST MAKE IT END KENNY PLEASE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

I bolted out of the restroom from fear and I quickly shut the door behind me. Man he was in bad shape. He furiously attempted to beat down the door

"KENNY! KENNY!...FINE! IF YOU WON'T KILL ME I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU KILL ME!"

"Oh hello Kenny"

"Oh heeeeeeeey Mr. Adler"

"Can you please move? I need to use the restroom"

"I don't think that's a good idea Mr. Adler why don't you just go to another restroom?"

"Why? Were you screwing around in there?"

"Uh no, no I just have explosive diarrhea and it's real bad"

"How bad?"

"It looks like World War 3 in there"

"Oh it can't be that bad"

"Mr. Adler wait!"

I called as he pushed me to the side and entered. He wasn't in there

"See there is nothing and that means you must have been screwin around in here!"

Where did he go?

 _ **Cut to: Outside the school**_

Everyone ran out of the front of the school except for me, Stan, Kyle and Cartman. Lucifer's last statement haunting me. How would he make me kill him?

"So how was lunch with your new girlfriend Kinney?"

"Shut up you white garbage bag, she is not my girlfriend"

"Hear that Kyle you might have a chance to get her back"

Red approached us

"Oh ho it's just like a soap opera! The girl who slept with another man returns to the original lover"

"Shut up"

She shot back before she asked me something I didn't want her to

"Do you mind if go with you to see your sister?"

 **Author's Note:** **Soooooooo that was chapter 8 and I am so sorry I haven't uploaded in a while. School restarted for me so it's going to be harder for me to upload chapters so I will probably be restricted to weekends and off days. But thanks to everyone reading it and I love you all! Chapter 11 is coming so stayed tuned!**


	11. Chapter 11-The Chosenvictim

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". After a week of no uploads we check back with Kenny to see how he was doing…he was fine. But potential romance between Red and Kenny blossom which so cute! I mean very gay. Now many people might be wondering "How will this affect the story?"…I have no idea how to answer that** _ **yet**_ **. Maybe the writer wanted to make the situation moah difficult for Kenny because he's been a dick to him so far or maybe the writer just has a soft spot for romance or maybe it will affect the story in a way you would never expect…probably not. Oh and Lucifer is suicidal and is attempting to find a way to make Kenny kill him…Bad summary I know**

 **Chapter 11: The chosen...victim**

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

I stood there as I didn't really know how to answer. I didn't want to involve her with my personal life and junk but part of me just couldn't say no…

"Ugh Red would you just stop trying to ride Kenny? He doesn't want to hang with a dyke such as yourself"

"Africa called and they want to know who ate all their food"

"Oh fuck you Red! The chick from Wendy's called and she wants her hair back!"

"Aww well that sucks because I can't find it. I guess you must of ate it"

"Red! Seriously you're starting to piss me off!"

"Oh man Kenny we were supposed to see your sister last night weren't we?'

"Yeah Kyle…"

"So um Kenny look. I'm not trying to get in your business or anything but I just figured I could cheer her up"

"I appreciate it Red but just don't want you t-"

"HA! Take that you daywalker bitch! Kinney doesn't want to hang out with you!"

"Shut up!"

Y'know? I don't really want Red to get involved with Karen but I do love pissing Cartman off…a lot

"But I just don't want you to have nothing to do! You can come with me Red. Karen might appreciate it"

"Kinney why do you do this to me?"

"Because I don't like you"

"Funny joke Kinney but seriously"

I just shook my head in response before me and Red began to walk toward Hell's Pass"

"AND HAVE FUN YOU QUEERS!"

 **Cut to: Hell's Pass**

"So if you're a doctor then where's your PHD?"

"PHD?"

I walked in with Red behind me

"Oh hello Kenneth and…"

He obviously noticed Red

"Our cousin"

"But she's not-"

Kevin started but mom stopped him

"So you guys are just in here watching Karen sleep?"

I asked

"Well I had to perform a hope transplant in order to save her so I had to give her anesthesia"

"You found a donor?"

"Yup he's just outside"

I looked out the door

"Conformists"

"He was a goth?"

"Actually he used to be a pissed off voter until he had his hope drained"

"Conformist assholes always pick the minority"

He smoked his cigarette

"How could they elect someone whose name is a letter off from Osama *smokes* you might as well just elect Kim Jong Un as a president then *smokes* fucking conformists"

"Do you see what would have happened to Karen?"

"I uh guess?"

"Good, now Karen's anesthesia should wear of soon"

"Um doctor we need to ask you something outside"

"Oh to help the plot I get it"

"Ooookay?"

They walked outside the room after that strange statement and _again_ leaving me with Karen. Only this time someone was with me

"So that's your sister?"

"Yeah…that's Karen"

"…it looks like she's having a bad dream"

Red said and I noticed she was moving around a lot silently whimpering as well. I should have brought her dream catcher here

"I…I wonder what she is dreaming about"

Almost on que after I said that she woke up startled.

"Kenny is that you?"

She said noticing me

"Uhhh I don't really know anyone else who wears this parka so yeah it's me"

Strange

"…who's that?"

"This is Red, Karen"

I said introducing her

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"No we are just friends Karen"

"Aww"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because she's really pretty"

Red blushed after that statement

"Thank you"

"Your welcome"

Suddenly her half shut eyes shot open as if she remembered something

"Kenny! I-I have to tell you something!"

"What is it Karen?"

She opened her mouth to speak but stopped herself as she looked at Red and spoke

"It's sorta private"

Red instantly caught the hint from her

"Oh! Okay then I can just wait outside"

She said before she left the room

"What's the matter?"

"You're immortal?"

I was shocked once she said that

"I uh no, no I'm not"

"But the froggy, the birdy prince and that gross fish told me you were!"

"Birdy prince?"

"Yeah I saw them after the doctor gave me that sleepy stuff"

"I uh think it you just might have had a dream Karen"

"It wasn't! They, they showed me this cult thing and mommy and daddy were there and some creepy old dude and then some monster came and it almost ate mommy and-

"Karen, Karen whoa slow down. A cult?"

"Uh huh! And they made mommy say something and that's when the monster came and then I asked the little animals what it was and they said a creature from the Sunken City of Ryan or Ryu or something like that!"

"The…the Sunken City of R'yleh?"

I asked scared

"Yeah that was it! So you do know something!"

I froze, I didn't know what to say or how to respond or just how she knew that!

"K-Karen look! What happens with my life isn't your business okay! I chose not to tell you these things for your safety and you shouldn't know!"

"Why! Why Kenny! I tell you everything! Like when that bully took my dolly or when I had that ear infection and you're the only person I told about my guardian angel!"

"That's different Karen!"

"How!"

"Because my situation is a matter of life and death"

"Why do you think I'm in this hospital bed Kenny?!"

I paused

"Yeah why do you think I'm here Kenny? Because I wanna be?"

"That's…it's not the same"

"Then tell me how it's not…"

"Because...b-because! *sigh* I don't know"

"So can you please tell me what's going on? I want to help you"

"Karen I…I appreciate it and all but I just can't risk your safety…"

"Well does it look like I'm safe now?"

"…Alright, alright Karen look"

I paused before I spoke up

"I am immortal, you're right about that ok?"

She just looked at me obviously wanting a better answer

"I don't know how Karen I just am"

"I don't know if I can trust what you tell me anymore"

"Karen please don't say that, you-you don't understand-"

"Just what's not to understand Kenny? I've always told you everything no matter how embarrassing it was to me and you kept this secret from me all your life"

"Karen please I did it for your safety"

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"…No Karen, no"

She looked really offended by what I said

"Please leave Kenny"

"Karen please-"

" _Leave Kenny!"_

It felt like my heart weighed 20 pounds and my eyes burned…I turned around and ran out the room as I struggled to hold back tears

 _ **Cut to: Outside Karen's Window**_

"Her"

"Duh who boss?"

" _Her!_ The little girl who is in the bed!"

"We are gonna take the little girl boss?"

"Yes!"

"Well isn't that kinda messed up boss? I mean she is just little and if we kidnap her for Lucas we would probably go to hell"

Suddenly he was slapped

"Shut up Mimsy! Going to that camp already is hell and he said he would get us out of there if we could just find a way to make that Kenny kid kill him"

"Der I just don't get why he would want to die boss"

"Maybe he goes to that camp to Mimsy. With that emo vampire skin I wouldn't be very surprised"

"Oh boss, boss! I just thought of something! What if he is actually immortal boss and-and Kenny is too but he wants to die because he is tired of being immortal and the only way to kill an immortal is with another immortal so he wants us to do something that is going to make Kenny mad at him which would make Kenny kill him right boss?"

Nathan was silent for a moment before he slapped Mimsy again

"Shut up Mimsy! Now let's go get that girl!"

 **Author's note:** **How did you guys enjoy chapter 11? Now some people were surprised in the last chapter about Kenny and Red possibly being a couple and to those people I want to say…we're sorry ;). Get it? No? Ok then…I still hope you guys enjoyed the chapter nonetheless stay tuned for chapter 12!**


	12. Chapter 12-One Special Edpisode

**Narration:** **Previously on the "Mystery of Mysterion". Kenny brings Red to the hospital to see his sister and she still has no significance to the plot. Karen confronts Kenny after discovering his immortality that he kept secret from her. Karen's young and naïve personality prevented her from truly seeing why Kenny hadn't told her and was greatly offended, than promptly kicked him out. At the end we also learn that she is about to be kidnapped…by Nathan and Mimsy. How will Mimsy fuck this up?**

 **Chapter 12: One special** _ **ed**_ **pisode**

 **Nathan's P.O.V.**

We stood outside the hospital ready to go in

"Alright Mimsy here's what I want you to do, there is a vent on the roof so use this ladder to get high up on the roof. Then enter the vent and use these instructions to navigate through and get to Karen's room. Use this burlap sack and put her in then leave before the cops come"

"Can't we just go through the front door boss?"

"You think they are just going two special ed kids through Mimsy"

"What if we just ask them politely boss?"

*slap* "Shut up Mimsy! Now go"

"You got it boss!"

Mimsy took the ladder from my hands and ran to the back of the hospital, he better not mess this up! I couldn't see him anymore so I just waited outside

 _ **One hour later**_

I saw Mimsy stumbling towards me from behind but he was missing something

"Mimsy! Where's Karen"

"Where's how now boss?"

He spoke slurred and tired

"The girl we came for!"

"I…I have no idea what's going on boss"

I saw something on his shirt

"Mimsy is that pot?"

"You said *pause* I need to get high up on the roof b-boss"

"I meant high as in climb Mimsy! Where did you even get that stuff?!"

Suddenly a blue towel approached us…and it had eyes and legs…and a mouth. It spoke to Mimsy

"Boy that was fun wasn't Mims?"

"Rainbows are sparkly"

"They sure are"

I was furious

"What the hell did you do to Mimsy!"

"I just gave him a little pot"

"A little! Look at him!"

I pointed at him, then Mimsy spoke up

"Hey boss?"

"Whaddya want Mimsy?!"

"That talking blue waffle never gave me a pot he just gave me this plant stuff"

*Slap* "Shut up Mimsy!"

"Hey boss?"

" _What!_ "

"You're a dick"

He said before he passed out. After a moment of silence a nurse came out of the hospital

"Miss can you help us?"

"Oh is this your drunk retard?"

She said pointing a Mimsy

"Actually he's high"

"Do you wanna get high?"

"No you damn towel!"

 **A few hours later**

"Alright are you finally feeling better Mimsy?"

I asked standing by the side of his hospital bed

"Blrphmrplb"

He blabbered

"Dammit feel better faster Mimsy we are wasting time"

"I said I felt better boss…"

"Oh well whatever we still need to get Karen, Mimsy"

"Maybe if you would think of a good plan for once we would have her already boss"

*Slap, slap* "SHUT UP MIMSY! Now you actually did something right for a change"

"I did boss?"

"Yes you fainting actually gave us a free pass into the hospital so here"

"What's this boss?"

"The sack Mimsy, just go and get Karen then meet up with me outside the hospital ok?"

"Gotcha boss"

Mimsy got up and left the room

 _ **One more hour later**_

I was outside the hospital…he must have messed this up again

"Hey boss"

A looked at him

"Where is Karen?"

"I couldn't find her boss"

"Whaddya mean you couldn't-why are your clothes wet?"

"I was underwater for like thirty minutes but I couldn't find her anywhere boss

"What are you talking about Mimsy!"

"You told me to go get Karen right?"

"Yes Mimsy I said go get Karen!"

"Well I couldn't find Bikini Bottom anywhere boss"

I paused, please tell me he seriously didn't do that

"Mimsy I said the Karen in the hospital not the ONE FROM SPONGEBOB!"

"Oh…maybe you should been more clear boss"

I raised my hand to slap him but he cut me off

"Wait boss! I got something for you"

I lowered my hand

"What?"

"You're favorite breakfast is an omelet right boss?"

"Yeah"

He pulled out a massive egg from the sack

"Tada! Here you go boss"

"Oh…well thank you Mimsy"

I took the egg but suddenly everything went black

 _ **Hours later**_

Mimsy rolled me out of the hospital in wheel chair as I was in a full body cast

"Gee that sea monster was sure angry you took her egg huh boss"

"Shut…up Mimsy"

It was silent for a moment until Mimsy spoke

"Hey boss?"

"What Mimsy?"

"If I always get you hurt and stuff then why do you still have me work for"

"Well most special ed kids aren't that smart so technically you're the smartest one that I know"

"Aww thank you boss"

"But your still an idiot Mimsy!"

"But I'm a smart idiot right boss?"

"Shut up Mimsy! I need you to roll me to Jimbo and Ned's guns, we are going to take Karen the hard way now!"

 **Author's note:** **And that was Chapter 12! I hope you guys enjoyed. This was probably one of my weaker chapters but I still hope you guys liked. Also a big thanks to everyone reading this I'm getting so many great reviews and I really feel accomplished so thank you guys so much :D! Tell me what you guys think and stay tuned for chapter 13!**


	13. Chapter 13-Sucess! (Finally)

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". In a very special** _ **ed**_ **pisode Nathan and Mimsy attempt to kidnap Karen and as previously thought they failed but now it looks like Nathan is going to get** _ **HARDCORE!**_

 **Chapter 13: Success! (Finally)**

 **Nathan P.O.V.**

Mimsy rolled me in my new wheelchair toward Jimbo's guns. Even something as simple as push me in a wheelchair is obviously too complicated for Mimsy

"Boss I'm uh sorry that I dropped you like seven times"

"It's ok Mimsy"

"And uh sorry I left you in the middle of that highway

"It's _ok_ Mimsy"

"And I'm really sorry about accidently pushing in that river where you were attacked by sharks then brought you out to see where that sea monster from before ate you again then crapped you out and then you were rescued by the people from Deadliest Catch and were on their boat for two hours and got seasick"

"IT'S OK MIMSY SHUT UP! We are finally here so let's go get a gun"

"But you can't hold a gun boss you're in a body cast"

"Who said I'm holding it?"

We enter Jimbo's guns and Jimbo spoke to us when we came in

"What can I do for you two?"

"We would like a gun"

Jimbo had a long pause before he spoke

"Your…your kidding right?"

"Mmmm we must be on a Prank'd episode"

Ned added

"No we just need to take care of something is all"

"I'm sorry but we just can't give guns to two special needs children"

"Why not?"

"Dur I don't even know how to use a gun boss"

"Shut up Mimsy!"

"Well I can't just give a gun to two minors"

"Mmmmm especially two special minors"

"Dammit!"

I screamed

"Duhh what are supposed to do now boss?"

I ran through my thoughts before an idea hit me

"Roll me to Toys 'R' Us Mimsy"

"You got it boss!"

 _ **Cut to: Outside of Hell's Pass**_

"Uh boss I'm sorry I rolled you to that other store Toyz in Us"

"It's ok Mimsy we got what we needed"

"Those didn't even look like toys boss but some of them vibrated which is pretty cool"

"Shut up Mimsy! Now spray paint that nerf gun"

"Durr can I spray it pink boss?"

"Why Mimsy?"

"So this way we can support breast cancer, I at least want a chance to get into heaven"

"Ugh I don't care if you spray it with piss Mimsy they just can't know it's a nerf gun else they won't take us seriously"

"Durr ok I'll be right back boss"

He's not really gonna pee on it is he? After a few moments he returned with a pink gun…that stunk

"Alright boss let's go!"

"Wait Mimsy I'm not-"

He rolled into the hospital far too fast. As we practically bursted through the front doors everyone looked at us. I had to say something fast

"Ground get on the everybody! I-I mean everybody get on the ground now! We've got a gun"

Everybody screamed as they almost fell to the ground

"Yeah and stay there or I will shoot you with this nerf gun!"

Mimsy said pulling it out

"…God dammit Mimsy"

One person raised his head and spoke

"Oh they must be breast cancer supporters!"

Another guy spoke

"Are they pretending to rob us again? Ohhhh we are going to get you guys back next week!"

Everybody laughed before a woman spoke

"You guys come on in we are glad to have ya!"

Everybody went back to what they were doing before…I was speechless

"Did Mimsy do good boss?"

Mimsy asked me

"Just…just push me to Karen's room"

Mimsy did so. Mimsy opened Karen's door and we saw her, fear filled her face

"W-who are you guys?"

"You're about to find out, Mimsy! Put her in the sack!"

"You got it boss!"

Mimsy said as he entered and she screamed

 **Author's note:** **It's about time they finally got something done! Whaddya guys think of the chapter? Also as a response to a review I've gotten about the last episode I am aware that special needs kids aren't actually stupid, my older brother is actually special needs and he's clever so I am well aware but I again really appreciate the reviews. You aren't a party pooper for leaving that kind of review you just care is all and I knew the last episode was going to get some mixed reactions and I am sorry if I offended anyone. Love y'all and stay tuned for chapter 13!**


	14. Chapter 14-Drowning the Sorrows

**Narration:** **I feel like I'm forgetting something right now….**

 **Chapter 14: Drowning the sorrows**

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

"On this episode of Mountain Monsters, the team hunts down a dangerous and 100% unrealistic creature…again!"

The narrator from the program I had on the television said as I was slouched on my couch and the floor around was surrounded by used tissues and empty alcohol bottles. This was all I could do to try to fight of the pain I felt

"It is a creature that takes residence in the town of South Park, Colorado. It is described as a creature that if half man, half bear…and half pig"

Normally I would feel better watching these shows, nothing better than seeing a bunch of hillbillies running around in the middle of the night pretending to shoot something. But it wasn't helping this time…

"The team actually has an eyewitness tonight who is going to help these men who have nothing better to do with themselves to hunt down the creature!"

" _Leave Kenny! Leave Kenny!"_ Those last words of her's just brutally smashing into my head. I tried to take my mind off of it by watching the show

"Hello everyone my name is Al Gore! I was the former vice president"

"Mr. uh, Gore would you mind telling us when the last time you saw this monster"

"I always see ManBearPig, I've been hunting ManBearPig for years"

"How long have you been hunting ManBearPig?"

"Since 2001 good sir"

"Isn't that the time you left office?"

"Yes but that is also when I saw ManBearPig"

"Answer this Mr. Gore, just what does this creature you've been hunting eats?"

I wish I could kill myself right now…

"Well I believe ManBearPig would eat the same thing a bear and a pig would but also have the same diet of a man"

"One last question Mr. Gore, do you believe that your monster is a threat?"

"ManBearPig is a bigger threat to man than global warming, I'm super cereal. Donate to my website www dot Stop ManBearPig Cerealously dot com to help me end ManBearPig's life right now, I'm super _duper_ cereal"

"Well audience you heard this from a PigBearMan expert-

" _Actually_ his name is ManBearPig"

"Right whatever so you heard it from-"

"He's a half man, half bear, half pig not some half pig, half bear, half man you're talking about"

There was a pause, at least this actually help me forget about Karen…fuck

"We will be back after these messages"

I heard the door to my house open, it was Stan and Kyle! Oh and Cartman

"Dude what is this Charlie Sheen's house?

Cartman said noticing all the alcohol bottles and tissue's everywhere. Kyle was the next to speak

"Hey Kenny we're all about to throw dog crap at Old Man Jenkin's house"

Kyle stated than Cartman spoke

"It's Stan's dog's crap so wear gloves so you don't get any of the fagsies on ya"

"Do you wanna come?"

"No thanks Kyle"

"Dude why? Are you ok?"

"No"

"What's the matter?"

I didn't say anything but they noticed the program I had on

"So we are out in the middle of the lost forest in South Park. We've seen that same tree 20 times and we have no signs of ManBearPig"

"Dude Mountain Monsters?"

Cartman replied toward the commentary, they continued watching as Al Gore and the hillbillies flinched as they heard a twig snap from behind them

"MANBEARPIG!"

Al Gore screamed as he turned around and quickly shot at the noise. The camera man fell

"Kevin?"

One of the team members said before they cut to commercials

"Kinney what the fuck is this garbage?"

I didn't reply to Cartman's question

"Kenny?...What's the matter dude?"

Kyle asked sympathetically, I decided to speak up

"It's Karen…"

"Karen?"

"Karen"

I confirmed

"Karen?"

"Karen"

I confirmed for Stan

"Karen? Karen, Karen? Karen, Karen, Karen, Kerin?"

I didn't bother confirming for Cartman

"What happened with Karen?"

"I just kept something from her I probably shouldn't have, Kyle"

"What was it?"

"You guys wouldn't believe me…you never do anyway"

"Aw Kinney"

Cartman said as he put his hand on my back

"Of course we wouldn't believe you"

"Shut up Cartman"

"Why don't you think we would believe you?"

Kyle asked

"Well if someone you knew for almost nine years told you they were immortal would you believe them?"

"What you're immortal?"

"Yes Stan"

They got silent for a moment and of course Cartman was the first to speak

"Of course Kinney is immortal"

"Huh?"

I asked questioningly

"Yeah you're immortal and I am psychic, Stan has super speed and Kyle has magnet powers and together we are a super hero team known as Your Full of Shit Kinney"

"Cartman now is not the time for…why did you give me magnet powers?"

"You're a jew, you need some money stealing power"

"I hate you Cartman"

I erupted

"Guys I'm serious! I am actually immortal and those three animal spirits in Mr. Slave's asshole told her that I was immortal and now she's mad at me!"

After another pause Kyle spoke

"Kenny I think you drank too much"

"I didn't drink these bottles my dad did and left them there! I only drank that one which was half empty!"

"Okay! Okay Kenny calm down"

Kyle said frightened by my outburst. This would make the third pause we had before Stan piped up this time

"So why don't you just make up with her?"

"There's no point Stan, she's probably gonna die of hope loss in that hospital and it's all my fault…just leave me be"

"…Okay Kenny"

Stan said before leaving with Kyle

"Kinney even if you were my best friend I still wouldn't help you"

Cartman said before he left too. I turned my attention back to the tv

"Hi Billy Mays here and I'm back from the dead to sell you another fantastic product! My flight is still going through purgatory so I've here to give you guys…the Nutsack!"

I sighed

"If you tired of your nuts getting cold when going through your purgatory then the Nutsack will fix that problem! It stores all of your favorite nuts! Peanuts, walnuts, almonds and even doughnuts!"

I'm not ever going to be able to use this

"The secret is in the shape of the sack! The nutsack is designed in the shape of two balls which shrink when it gets cold which keeps your nuts just above room temperature!"

I watched as the commercial cut to a man and a woman. The woman was holding a nutsack and the man said

"Wow lady, nice balls"

"Actually their nuts" ;)

The woman replied before it cut back to Billy

"ORDER RIGHT NOW!"

I turned off the television. Even that ridiculous commercial couldn't make me feel better. Suddenly my house phone rung and I picked it up

"Hello?"

"Kenny?"

"Mom?"

"Have you seen Karen?"

"Whaddya mean have I seen Karen?"

"Have you seen Karen?"

"No, is she missing?!"

"We don't know what happened to her"

My heart sank...she ran away…because of me

"I'M COMING KAREN!"

 **Author's note:** **M'kay that was Chapter 14. It was one of my more goofier episodes. I honestly wish I could animate this on YouTube but I have no clue how I would. Anyway I'VE HIT OVER ONE THOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSANNNNNDDD VVVVVVIEEEEEEEWWWZZZZZZZZZZZZA! Thank all of you guys so so so so so so so much I shat the biggest brick after I saw I've hit that many views it's great! Also on more thing in my author's note, who else is disappointed at Karen's new voice? I like her new design but I miss her old voice it was so damn adorable. For those who don't know what the hell I'm talking about I'm talking about the latest South Park episode. She has a new look and a new voice and I'm very sad about the new voice…But anyways thanks everyone so much for reading this fanfiction I apologize if I'm uploading kind of late in the day but anyways thank to you all for 1000 views and stay tuned for chapter 15!**


	15. Chapter 15-Meeting of the girls

**Narration:** **Previously on AMC's "The Walking Dead" I mean the "Mystery of Mysterion". Kenny went home to all depressed like and watched "Mountain Monsters" where the team and Al Gore hunted down ManBearPig. Cartman, Kyle and Stan came by to invite Kenny to throw dog crap at Old Man Jenkins' house before realizing Kenny was depressed and attempted to cheer him up, but it didn't work. But after watching the nutsack commercial he discovers that Karen is missing…But this chapter has absolutely nothing to do with that!**

 **Chapter 15:** **The meeting of the girls**

 **Red's P.O.V.**

I walked into the girl's bathroom that was located in the park where we had our girl meetings. Strangely I heard lots of rabble before I came in. But the minute I stepped inside the rabbling stopped…

"Oh um hi girls"

I said a little nervous as everyone's attention was on me.

"Have a seat Red…"

Bebe said and I nervously took my seat next to Mille who was giving me the nastiness look. Wendy, Bebe and Annie were at the front of the room and Bebe had the top desk. Everyone in the room is looking at me like I just bought the ugliest pair of shoes from the mall…I tried to break the tension I felt in the room

"So h-how bout we get this meeting going right?! Sunshine, sparkle?"

I said but quickly realizing that was a bad idea as Bebe spoke in somewhat of a dark tone

"Yes you are right Red, so let's talk about you shall we?"

"W-what is there to talk about?"

" _LIAR! YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS!"_

Heidi bursted out

"Heidi Turner step down"

" _I CAN'T! SHE'S DISGRACED THIS SOCIETY'S NAME!"_

"Girls what's going on?"

I asked scared before Wendy was the one to speak up

"Your new crush…"

"Who? Are you talking about Kenny?"

" _YES WE'RE TALKING ABOUT KENNY YOU WHORE!"_

Heidi screamed at me

"Jenny, Lola please remove Heidi from the room"

Bebe calmly asked before they got up and made their way to Heidi

" _YOU'VE MADE THIS SOCIETY LOOK LIKE A JOKE YOU TWO-FACED BITCH! YOU HORRID SKANK!"_

She screamed as she was escorted out of the room…in handcuffs...with stickers on it

"Maybe I like Kenny a little…what's the problem with that?"

I asked innocently before Bebe spoke up again

"The "problem" Red is that Kenny is poor"

"So?"

"Us girls have always tried make our standards for dating look high so this way only the cute boys ask us out, if we had the nerdy boys in the school ask us out none of the cute boys would before interested in us"

"But Kenny's cute…and he's not nerdy"

"No but he is poor, Red"

"I don't understand what this has to do with anything"

"The point is Red how will Kenny be able to buy you jewels or nail polish or dresses?"

Mille decided to cut in

"Or purse?"

"Right"

"Or shoes?"

"Right Mille"

"Or shoes to go with your purse or a facelift or a manicure"

"We get it Mille"

Bebe said

"Girls is it possible that maybe I just like Kenny?"

"No"

Bebe said then Wendy chimed in

"If you not tarnishing our image which wasn't enough for you all the guys in the school are saying you're prettier than _me"_

"Oh come on Wendy it's just their opinion don't get jelly"

" _I'M NOT JELLY!"_

"And I'm not peanut butter"

I responded with that very corny joke

"Is there something else you like about Kenny? Does have some conditioner we've never discovered before?"

Bebe asked

"No I just like him because he's funny…and cute…and nice…and caring…and protective…"

"Red stop acting like your some good person who likes what's on the inside of people because you were the first to date Clyde for his shoes"

"Okay, okay I admit I can be shallow but I'm trying to change…it was wrong of me to do that even if I did get a pair of Air Nike Jordans"

"Ah ha! What girl wears Jordans?!"

Bebe said as if she was trying to imply that I'm not really a girl

"Actually I do"

"Since when do you wear Jordans, Annie?"

"I wear them for gym it's better than wearing my normal shoes I can jump higher"

"That's bull, Annie shoes can't make you jump higher"

"Actually I wear them too"

"I have 3 pairs"

"Lola?! Mille?! Okay whoever has a pair of Air Nike Jordan shoes please raise your hand"

Bebe said and every girl even Wendy raised their hands except for her

"Well that's not important! What's important is that if you like Kenny you make us look bad"

"W-what are you saying?"

There was a pause before Bebe spoke again

"Rebecca…you are no longer one of the girls you may exit the room"

"What! No! You can't make me leave!"

"You can either go out yourself or be sparkle cuffed and forced out"

"That's not fair! I like Kenny because of what's on the inside there is nothing wrong with that, haven't you girls seen the Beauty and the Beast?!"

"Get out Red"

"Alright fine! Be that way! None of girls sparkle with me anyway!"

I stomped my way out but before I leave…

"Nice zit Bebe"

"Wait what?"

I left the bathroom before she could say anything else, but I noticed something across the street…

"Mimsy come on! We have to get out of here before someone sees us"

"Der I'm sorry boss! It's not easy trying to kidnap Kenny's sister and push you in a wheelchair at the same time"

What did he just say?

"Do you want to say that any louder Mimsy?"

"Sure boss! IT'S NOT EASY TRYING TO KIDNAP-"

"SHUT UP MIMSY! I was being sarcastic!"

"Oh sorry boss"

"Ugh just push me to Lucas' house"

"Doyee sure thing boss! Do want me to bring Karen?"

"YES I WANT YOU TO BRING KAREN, MIMSY!"

"Do wanna say that any louder boss?"

"AGH! SHUT UP MIMSY!"

Their kidnapping Karen! I have to tell Kenny now!

 **Author's note:** **Chapter 15! What you guys thinking good, bad or meh. Now I'm going to try to upload more frequently from now on than just weekends. I've been trying to get these chapters out on a daily basis because I hate waiting for stuff like this and I realize it's not exactly fair to have you guys wait too so my uploads are probably going be completely random but as frequent as possible. Thanks for reading and watch out for chapter 16 because you will never know that I'm posting it tomorrow…shit**


	16. Chapter 16-A Larger Role

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". The girls finally confront Red about her latest crush which they do not approve of. Red explains that she likes Kenny for himself and not for any other reason much to the confusion of the girls. They don't understand how Kenny will be able to buy her shoes or a purses or shoes to go with her purses but says that she doesn't care. After being kicked out she notices the abduction of Karen. Red finally has a bigger role in the story but the real question is…for how long?**

 **Chapter 16: A Larger Role**

 **Red P.O.V.**

I run to Kenny's house and knock on the door

"Kenny! Kenny are you there?! Is anyone home?!"

Suddenly I heard a voice but it was across the street

"Hey! Shut up out there!"

People are such assholes. I try to open the door to Kenny's house, it was unlocked so I entered…nothing

"Damn it! He must be at the hospital! But wait…"

The memory of him running out of Karen's hospital room came back to me. I tried to stop him and ask what was wrong but he got on the elevator to fast. She must have said something hurtful to him…he could be anywhere in South Park by now

"Jesus!"

I cried

"Yes?"

" _Oh_ …hey Jesus where did you come from?"

"I am everywhere my son"

"I am a girl…"

"Sorry my son but anyway you seem distressed"

"Yes I am Jesus I-"

"Don't know where Kenny is?"

He finished for me

"Oh um yeah…"

And then it hit me

"Hey Jesus your everywhere right?"

"Well look behind you…"

I did and he was there

"Now look in that corner…"

He pointed and I looked, he was there too

"Now look at the ceiling…"

He was there

"Okay I-"

"Now look under your shoe…"

I lifted my shoe up and he was at the bottom of it and he waved at me

"Okay I get you are everywhere it was a dumb question, I just need to ask you for guidance right now. Kenny's-"

"Sister has been kidnapped and you need to tell him but you don't know where he is so you need my help…"

"Uh yeeeaah so can you help me?"

"Sure just, what's that behind your ear?"

"My ear?"

I reached back there and I pulled out…Jesus, it was Jesus again

"Okay very funny this is kind of urgent so can you please help me?"

"Be glad to my son"

Jesus walked out of the front door and I followed him. He's a lot…weirder than I remember

 _ **Cut to: Hell's Pass**_

"Kenny's here?"

"Yes my son"

"Again I'm more of your daughter"

I said as I kept walking but I noticed he stopped

"Jesus? Are you coming?"

"I try to avoid public places…too many people want to hug me and too many people want my autograph but will be back to help you soon my son just look over there"

"No that's okay"

"Oh…well…I just figured you know since I died for your sins and everything you would do just one thing for me…but I guess if you don't want to its fine…"

He said in a suddenly depressed tone. When you put it like that…

*sigh* "Okay"

I looked but this time he wasn't there…

"Hey you weren't-"

I said as I turned back around before I cut myself off as he was gone…I decided to shrug it off and enter the hospital

"Hey have you seen a boy in an orange parka come in here?"

I asked a doctor

"Oh…him…he tried to kill himself and is now in critical condition I'm afraid…he might not make it…"

" _Kenny!"_

I said in surprise as I felt tears begin to well up…poor Kenny

"Nah I'm just kidding he's upstairs and he's fine. Have you seen my Facebook page?"

My sadness went into anger…not funny. I stomped passed him and as I waited for the elevator to come down

"Asshole!"

"Actually I'm Douchebag, Asshole is upstairs"

I was suddenly tackled and I fell to the ground as I heard the elevator door open

"Kenny?"

"Mrph?"

I think he said Red…it was either that or Ned

"Mrph mr-"

"Karen was kidnapped!"

I quickly spit out, cutting him off

"Mrmrph mrph mrph!"

"Yes she was kidnapped!"

"Mrph mrph mrph mrph mrph?!"

"I last saw her by the park! I think they were heading to the forest"

"Mrph mrph!"

He said…I think he said "Come on" or was it "Gum wrong"? Anyways he grabbed my hand and he practically dragged me out of the hospital

"Hey did you see a kid with orange parka come by here"

"Oh Mr. McCormick, your son in the orange parka…he was kidnapped by a white male early 20's…"

He didn't react

"Naw I'm just kidding I should be a comedian. Have you seen my Facebook page?"

"You don't have friends do you?"

"…no"

 _ **Cut to: The Park**_

"Kenny I know your sister is being kidnapped and all but can slow down a little your hurting my arm"

I said and he finally released me as we reached the spot

"Mrph mrph mrph?"

"I don't know where they are this is where I last saw them"

"Mrph mrph mrph mrph mrmrph mrph mrph mrmrph?"

"Yes I said I saw them going to the forest but it's too easy to get lost in there…"

He sat down almost like he just given up…

"Hey Kenny don't give up now, we can still find her"

"Mrph mrph mrph…mrph mrphs mrph"

"Kenny she doesn't hate you"

"Mrph mrph mrphs"

"No she doesn't…siblings may make it seem like they hate you but deep down they love you and Karen has to she was just probably mad is all"

He seemed to really take in what I said

"Mrph…mrph mrph mrph mrph"

"I know I'm right I'm always right!"

I said trying to lighten the mood

"I just don't understand why Nathan and Mimsy would want Karen…"

"Hmmmrph…*muffled gasp* mrmrmrph!"

"Lucifer?"

"Mrph mrmrph-"

"Kenny you can explain to me later, right now we have to find Karen okay?"

"Mrph mrph!"

"I know I'm right!"

Or did he say I was white?

"Mrph mrph mrph mrph mrph mrph mrph mrmrph mrph…"

"Well we just have to think...he would try to be hiding her somewhere no expects, somewhere were nothing happens"

We both thought about before it hit us

"Canada!"

Or did he say camera?

 **Author's note:** **Chapter 16 everybody! I appreciate all the reviews you guys! I got a review yesterday that this story brings a smile to the person's face it just made my day so thank you all so much for the reviews it means a lot to me! Oh and happy Christopher Columbus day I suppose…nobody really cares about this holiday sooo…yeah that was kind of dumb…anyways stay tuned for Chapter 17!**


	17. Chapter 17-A New Game

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Red went to find Kenny after she witnessed Nathan and Mimsy trying to kidnap Karen which as after she got kicked out of the girl club which was after they found out she liked Kenny which was** _ **also**_ **after Karen got sick…anyways after guidance from Jesus and a little game of "Where's Jesus" she found Kenny and the two of them are now on their way to the north of South Park…which is Canada.**

 **Chapter 17: A New Game**

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

After a long trek through the lost forest, me and Red finally reach the Canadian border…

"Halteth! Who dare attempteth to crosseth the Canadian bordereth?!"

The Canadian border control said. I decided to respond

"Um…Kenny and Red"

"Welleth Jenny and Ted, I am afraideth I can'teth aloudeth you to crosseth the bordereth of Canada buddyeth"

I couldn't understand a word he just said it's…it's like he's speaking a whole other language

"It's like he's speaking a whole other language Red…"

"He is, I think he is speaking the language of Northern Canada…that's what you said right?"

"Yes…do you understand what he's saying?"

"I do know a little bit of Northern Canadian language um…Have you uh seeneth two childreneth that might have came by here?"

"Wheneth?"

"Uh recentlyeth"

"Oh indeedeth I have!"

"Was one of them in a body cast and a wheelchair?"

"Pardoneth?"

"Ugheth, was one of themeth in a body casteth and in a wheelchaireth?"

Red said, slightly frustrated

"Was he wearing glasses?"

"Yeseth!"

"Theneth I dideth saw themeth"

"Greateth! Come on Kenny let's go!"

He stopped us as soon as we continued…with a hockey stick

"Hold oneth! Where might be your passporteth!"

"Oh um…"

"What did he say Red?"

"Why is he gay Red?"

"No _what did he say!"_

I repeated…maybe I should just take the parka off…

"Oh we can't cross without a passport"

"What!"

Anger boiled inside me

"Listen to me you border patrol butthole! My sister is on the other side of that border and we need to cross!"

He seemed confused

"Uh…what did you sayeth?"

I got angrier, the worst part is I couldn't even curse him out as he wouldn't even understand. Red spoke for me again

"He saideth his little sistereth is on the otherside of this bordereth and we need to crosseth…pleaseth"

"Welleth I'm sorryeth. You aren'teth allowedeth to passeth the bordereth withouteth a passporteth"

With a sudden flash of anger I leaped and went for his neck, trying to clobber him as Red pulled me off

"Kenny! Kenny! Calm down let's just go back to town and get a passport"

"You asshole! I hope you get fired"

"Jeezeth what did I say buddyeth?"

"Don't call me buddyeth! I'm not your buddyeth, guyeth!"

"Well don't you calleth me guyeth, friendeth!"

"DON'T CALL YOU ME FRIENDETH, BUDDYETH!"

"DON'T CALL ME BUDDYETH, GUYETH!"

He replied just Red pulled out of earshot…

 _ **Cut to: Photo Dojo**_

"You're not open! What do you mean you're not open!"

I screamed at the Photo Dojo employee just outside of the store

"It means we're closed"

"But we need passports!"

"Yeah and I need a better job, comeback and get some tomorrow faggot"

He said before he walked away…I just broke down after that

"Kenny? Come on Kenny get up…"

"Oh what's the point Red?"

"Pass the joint?"

I took my hood off furiously

"I SAID WHAT'S THE POINT RED! WHAT'S THE POINT OF ME DOING THIS?! PHOTO DOJO IS CLOSED, WE CAN'T GET INTO CANADA AND EVEN IF WE DID GET INTO CANADA HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO KNOW WERE THE FUCK HE IS! IT'S OVER!"

I screamed tears flying from my eyes before I collapsed to the ground again. There was a very long paused. It was so quiet…the only noise we could hear was just the wind…

"If you don't want to get to her then be that way…but that little girl needs someone to rescue her…and I'll be the one to do it"

She said her voice sounding very hoarse and heartbroken. All I heard was the sound of her walking away after that…

 _ **Cut to: Old Man Jenkins' house**_

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"You damn kids!"

The old man said as his house was covered in dog crap. As Cartman, Stan and Kyle laughed I decided to approach them…here goes nothing…

"Hey guys…"

"Oh great it's Clifford the Big Red Bitch"

"Shut up titty titty bang bang I'm not here to talk to you"

"Oh yeah well A! At least my tits are bigger than yours and B!-"

Kyle cut him off

"Just knock it off Cartman"

"What do want Red?"

"Well Stan its Kenny"

"Ugh-"

"SHUT UP CARTMAN!"

We all yelled before he started in…I spoke again

"As I was saying, Kenny's sister Karen was kidnapped and Kenny has just…given up"

There was a pause but Cartman spoke up unfortunately

"So why should we care?"

"Because you're his friend!"

He didn't respond

"And I told you this and thereby not doing anything to alert authorities of Karen's kidnapping you can be arrested"

"I've been arrested several times already"

"What do you mean many? You were only arrested that one time when we challenged the girls to sled racing"

Stan said

"I was arrested in Israel a bunch of times"

"I don't even want to know…"

Kyle said in disbelief. I cut in

"Guys look please, Nathan and Mimsy took Karen to Canada and I need some help"

"Why don't you just call the authorities?"

"I did Kyle and they needed a passport to get into Canada too…"

"Then why don't you and Kenny get a passport?"

"Photo Dojo just closed"

"Pfft what loser goes and gets a passport? I always just make fake ones"

For once I was actually glad Cartman spoke

"You do?"

"Yeah how do you think I got into Israel?"

"Of course..."

Kyle said before I spoke up

"So can you make some for us?"

I asked

"Well let's see…no"

"Cartman come on don't be a dick for once, _just once_? That's all I'm asking for"

I pleaded

*sigh* "Well alright Red…but you have to beg"

"CARTMAN THIS IS SER-"

"Beg…"

I sighed in defeat

"Cartman can you please make us fake passports to get into Canada please?"

"Please you're royal highness"

" _Cartman_ "

"Please…you're royal highness"

He repeated

"Ugh please my royal highness, Cartman can you do it now?!"

"Hrmmm fine but we do it as I say"

Oh no….

 _ **Cut to: Cartman's house**_

 **Kyle's P.O.V.**

"Cartman have you finished the passports yet?"

I asked

"Actually…it's the Wizard King now, are you done rushing me Douche Elf King"

"It's _Drow_ Elf King your royal high _ass_ and I'm not rushing you Red is"

"Actually..."

I heard her as she came out

"It's the Little Red Warrior"

 **Author's note:** **Alrighty that was chapter 17! I know I ask this after** _ **every**_ **chapter but what y'all thinking? Also I kinda wish I was little more creative with Red's name but I thought it would fit. I hope you guys enjoyed and stayed tuned for chapter 17!**


	18. Chapter 18-A Magical Adventure

**WARNING-READ THIS FIRST! THIS EPISODE/CHAPTER CONTAINS RACISM THAT MIGHT NOT BE SUITABLE FOR SOME AUDIENCES. I HOPE YOU ARE NOT OFFENDED BUT IF YOU ARE I WOULD RECOMMEND PASSING THIS CHAPTER BUT SINCE YOU ALL WATCH SOUTH PARK I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD MATTER TO EITHER THE MAJORITY OR ALL OF THE AUDIENCE**

 **ANOTHER WARNING-THIS IS ANOTHER WARNING, IF YOU ARE READING THIS WARNING YOU MOST LIKELY READ THE WARNING ABOVE THIS WARNING AND CONTINUED READING THE FOLLOWING PASSAGE WHICH LEAD TO THIS WARNING THAT IS UNDER THE WARNING BUT IF YOU ARE READING THIS WARNING BEFORE THE FIRST WARNING YOU DON'T FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS VERY WELL. FEEL FREE TO REVIEW THIS CHAPTER ANY WAY YOU WANT, I UNDERSTAND RACISM IS A TOUCHY SUBJECT M'KAY BUT IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY RACISM BUT CONTINUED READING THIS CHAPTER ANYWAY AND YOU WERE OFFENDED EVEN THOUGH I RECOMMENDED NOT READING THIS CHAPTER TELL ME IN THE REVIEW SECTION. I CAN TAKE ALL KINDS OF CRITICISM AND I UNDERSTAND THIS WAS A LONG WARNING SECTION AND MY MORE IMPATIENT VIEWERS PROBABLY STOPPED READING THIS BY NOW BUT IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS ENJOY THE CHAPTER!**

 **Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Kenny and Red attempted to get into Canada but needed passports. After attempting to get some at the Photo Dojo which name reminds me of Mojo Jojo from that one show, Kenny gave up a second time…but Red didn't. Red, not wanting to see anything happen to Karen decided to do the impossible, ask Stan, Kyle and Cartman for help. After Red embarrassingly gave into Cartman's demands he made fake passports for everybody and are now playing a new game…along with Red**

 **Chapter 18: A Magical Adventure**

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"Do you have the passports finished Cartman?"

I asked

"My name isn't Cartman, it is the Wizard King and yes the passports are finished"

He handed me my passport and I looked at it

"Kim Kardashian?"

I asked

"I had to change our names just in case we get into some trouble there"

"And of course you didn't change mine"

Kyle said

"So what's your name then?"

I asked before taking his passport and reading it

"You changed your name to Clark Kent?"

"Why wouldn't I change my name to Clark Kent?"

"Because you're _not_ Superman!"

"And you're _not_ Kim Kardashian she's way sexier than you"

I felt a sudden flash of anger as I took offense to his comment. _I'm sexy too!_ I'm a natural red head how am I not sexy?

" _Well you're not even close to how handsome Superman is!_ You know what you remind me off? The marshmallow man from Ghostbusters!"

"Oh that's funny! At least I don't look like Sarah Jessica Parker!"

"AT LEAST I'M NOT-"

"Guys seriously stop bickering all the time it's just getting repetitive and annoying"

Kyle interjected. What nerve! He always bickers with Cartman

"Why is my name Jo Schmo?"

Stan asked

"I didn't really care to give you a better name, that's why"

Cartman said but I was ticked off so I just decided to get us out

"Guys seriously just whatever Cartman is a dick, we know by now but let's just do what I asked you guys for ok?"

"Ok"

"Fine"

"Whatever"

Stan, Kyle and Cartman answered in that order, before we headed to the Canadian border

 _ **Cut to: The Canadian Border, buddy**_

"Halt! Noneth shall crosseth into-"

"We have passports"

I stopped the Canadian Border patrol before he started

"Oh! Welleth allow me to see themeth"

We all handed them to the border patrol

"So Jo Schmo, Kyle Broflovski, Clark Kent and Kim Kardashian, welcome to the greateth nation of Canada!"

He opened the gate then began playing the trumpet (pathetically) to add some sense of "we are about to embark on a great journey" as we walked into to Canada…but I should have known that wasn't gonna happen.

 _ **Cut to: Canada itself not the border**_

Why did everything look 8-bit?

"So we are in the great 8-bit shit hole known as Canada now how do we find Lucifer, huh Red?"

Cartman asked me in a usual dickish tone. We were approached by two Canadians

"Hey look Olaf more Americans"

Is that supposed to be some kind of Frozen reference?

"Ah that's just great buddy!"

Olaf said with a certain type of sarcasm

"Look here guys! Tell your other American buddy who's turning North Canada into Lucifer Land to leave!"

"Hey guys he's in the Northern part of Canada"

I said excitedly. Of course you know who decided to shit on it

"Wow thanks for pointing that out Miss obvious, your gonna tell us there's grass on the ground as well?"

"SHUT UP CARTMAN!"

I calmed down a little

"Well we know he's up in the Northern part of Canada now so *deep breath* let's go"

We walked for what seems like hours until we saw a house. We approached it and I noticed a sparkle in the corner of my eyes. I walked over to it

"Whoa! Look at these!"

I squealed upon seeing these _ruby red slippers_. These are like my dream, not only are they stylish and they totally match my hair but they're a perfect fit! The weird thing is took them off these feet I dunno I guess the person was dead or something I didn't really care but more importantly I went back the guys to show off

"You guys like?"

I said posing. They will definitely think I'm sexy now

"Where did you get those from, the dump?"

"SHUT UP CARTMAN!"

Suddenly the whole sky went multi colored and a bubble slowly ascended from the sky. Why did things get so weird?

" _Get me out! Get me out of this fucking bubble I've been stuck in here for 2 weeks! GET ME OUTTA OF HERE!"_

I heard a voice come from the bubble which slowly floated in front of me and it looked like there was a fairy or a princess in there or a fairy princess. I popped it with my finger and the fairy princess grew to the size of an average person

"Ugh, oh um thank you little girl"

The fairy being said

"W-who are you?"

"Oh yes um I'm the Wicked Witch of the North and that person you killed was my sister"

"I didn't, I didn't kill her"

I stuttered

"Oh yeah then why are you wearing the slippers?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

I asked her

"Why do you think the slippers are red?"

It took me a second to understand what she said but when I did I immediately tried to remove them but I couldn't

"Eww I want these things off! Why won't they come off?!"

"You put them on so they cannot be removed until you leave this land"

"Figures"

I retorted

"Hey you don't seem very mad your sister is dead"

Kyle stated

"Yeah well she was a bitch anyway. But since you miss uh…"

"Red"

"Red are now the holders of the slippers come with me please, oh and bring your friends I guess"

Well kinda of an interesting start but I'm actually excited! This is gonna be just like the Wizard of Oz!

 _ **Cut to: Unknown place**_

"Where are we?"

I questioned

"We are in Munchkin Land young ones"

"Da fuck is "Munchkin Land" is that some new Dunkin Donuts amusement park?"

Cartman said

"No little fat boy it's a place where the Munchkins live peacefully. Here are some now"

The witch said as we wre walking down a path within Munchkin land and little people dressed as Leprechauns appeared from behind the bushes

"So the Munchkins are basically midgets"

"Yes, yes they are"

The witch stated after Cartman's comment. As we kept walking a stopped as a noticed something…

"Uh Miss witch of the North, what is that?"

"Oh those are the black Munchkins"

"The black huh?"

I said as the dark skinned Munchkins were out working in gigantic field picking cotton and performing all other types of hard labor

"Wow…"

I said virtually speechless

"I'm glad Token isn't here"

Stan pointed out

"Sweet dude I wonder if they have any Jewish Munchkins"

Cartman said, I couldn't even tell him to shut up because was just stunned at what I was seeing. I noticed two white Munchkins watching and eating chicken

"Hey, hey Steve look at this"

One of the white Munchkins said before tossing a chicken wing into the field. Suddenly all the working Munchkins ran after the chicken bone creating a dog pile, some of them even tripping over their tiny legs and they fought over the one bone

"Oh my god…"

Me and Kyle said in even more disbelief

"Hey try tossing a bone in there let's see what happens!"

Cartman called out

"Over here children"

The witch of the North beckoned us over and Stan and Cartman went but I had to drag Kyle over as he was in disbelief

"Alright well I surely hope you enjoyed the magic of Munchkin land"

"It was magically racist that what it was"

Kyle replied to the witch's comment

"Anyways here it is: The Yellow Brick Road"

The witch pointed out to the road in front of us before continuing

"Just follow this road and you will make it to Oz!"

"But we are going to Northern Canada"

"Oh…then just follow the red on the yellow brick road, Farwell"

Here goes nothing I guess. We began our journey down the road. The Munchkins began to sing

~ _Follow the Red Brick Road!~_

 _~Follow the Red Brick Road!~_

 _~Follow, follow, follow, follow the Red Brick Road!~_

 _~Follow the Red Brick, follow the Red Brick, follow the Red Brick road!~_

 _~Your off to North Canada! The best Canada there is!~_

 _~It's full of castles and some flags but it certainly ain't a drag!~_

 _~You'll love the people, you'll love the town and there will never be a single frown because, because, because, because, because!~_

 _~It's the best town to ever be found!~_

 _~Your off to North Canada! The best Canada there is!~_

 **Author's note:** **Ok somethings I'd like to say**

 **I apologize that I didn't upload Sunday like usually do, truly sorry but I went out Sunday and I couldn't upload so did want to do this upload as soon as possible for you**

 **I realize I'm probably going to get some comments about this chapter's racism but this is the only chapter I made like this and I hope no one is offended but this is a South Park Fiction that I wrote and people who know me already know how crazy I am but if anyone was offended I apologize deeply**

 **I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and stay tuned for 19!**


	19. Chapter 19-Moah Adventure!

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Red and the 3 boys travel to Canada and embark on a legendary journey to the mystical North Canada. After taking slippers of the feet of a dead person, Red and the boyz encounter the Wicked Witch of the North who leads them through Munchkin land and puts them on the Red Brick Road…**

 **Chapter 19: Moah Adventure!**

 **Red P.O.V.**

We all could still here the Munckins singing in the distance despite how far we've gotten

"GOD SHUT UP YOU DAMN MIDGETS!"

Cartman screamed, obviously still hearing the singing in the distance

"Uh Red.."

"Yeah Stan"

"Where do we go?"

"That witch lady said just follow the Red Brick Road"

"Yeah but look"

I looked ahead where Stan Marshwalker pointed…it branched off into 3 different paths

"Aww great, just great Red. How are we supposed to get to North Canada now?!"

"Shut up Cartman let me think…"

"It's not Cartman it's the Wizard King!"

He shot back at me before I pondered. What could we do? We could just split up but then maybe one or two of us find North Canada while the rest of us are stuck in the middle of the Canadian wilderness. Suddenly, a man came running out of the forest

"What are you children doing here?! Don't you know?! This is the giant's territory! You have to run!"

The man said before racing away from us, suddenly I heard stomping. It shook the very ground with each stomp. A large humanoid figure that stood at least 7-8 feet tall was approaching as the stomping grew louder…it's features being blocked out by the darkness of the forest but as it came into the sunlight I saw it…

"IT'S HIDEOUS!"

I screamed and Cartman was running around screaming

"Great, just what Canada needs, more filthy Americans"

The giant said. Dick...

"Hey…hey, you must be that Scott the dick guy Ike told me about"

Kyle said

"I might be but I also might not, what's it to you?"

I noticed a parrot on his left shoulder, it spoke

"KAW! Actually, he was Scott the dick KAW! But he got radiation poisoning which caused him to mutate and grow into a giant dick KAW!"

"Damn it shut up Polly!"

Scott said to the parrot on his shoulder. God this place just keeps getting weirder…

"How come you were chasing that guy?"

I asked

"Because he took my cup of Kraft"

"Cup of Kraft?"

"My Kraft macaroni!"

"KAW! Scott does love Kraft maKAWroni"

"Okay well that's great and all but can you move? You're blocking our path"

"You aren't allowed to pass it's already bad enough we have some other American causing mayhem here I'm not letting anymore into the great nation of Canada"

"But we have to go to North Canada"

I told him and he seemed to perk right up afterwards

"North Canada eh? I hear there that a great wizard resides there…Let me come with you"

"Fuck off Scott"

Cartman stated

"Oh and people call me a dick! Come on you don't know what's it's like to have your Kraft macaroni stolen it's not fair!..."

He suddenly started to sing. What's with this place and singing?

 _~I could be sittin on my couch, feeling like a slouch~_

 _~With some pasta in my pouch~_

 _~And with my little spoon I wouldn't be watchin poon~_

 _~If I only had some KRAFT~_

"Dude stop it"

Stan said but he continued

 _~That's asshole took my food and that was just rude~_

 _~Now it's my turn to intrude~_

 _~But I could easily change in just such short range~_

 _~If I only had some Kraft~_

"You don't have to sing you can stop now"

"Seriously we just wanna get to North Canada"

Cartman then Kyle stated

 _~I'd be able to fill my tummy because Kraft is just so yummy~_

 _~Iffff I only had some Kraft~_

"Please stop it"

I said…the bird continued this time

 _~KAW! I could finally sleep and dine and it would be so divine~_

 _~KAW! And not listen to him wine!~_

 _~KAW! He's being keeping me awake and I'm so mad I just shake~_

 _~KAW! If he only had some Kraft!~_

"ALRIGHT STOP SINGING!"

We all screamed at once

"Then just bring me to North Canada! You won't even know I'm there"

"Alright Scott whatever"

I stated frustrated

"Yay! Polly! We are finally going to North Canada!"

"KAW! Maybe I can wish for a less annoying voice KAW!"

"You won't regret this, you won't even know I'm here"

"KAW!"

"Stop it Polly that's bad"

"KAW!"

"Bad Polly"

"KAW!"

"Bad Polly"

 _ **5 minutes later**_

"Bad Polly"

"KAW!"

"Bad Polly"

"KAW!"

"BAD POLLY!"

"I can't believe I actually hate somebody more than Kyle"

Cartman mumbled

"It's alright Cartman, North Canada can't be super far away right?"

We noticed a sign in front of us right after I finished the sentence, it read "North Canada: Super Far Away". Cartman screamed after that.

"Hey guys"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT SCOTT?!"

We all screamed

"Well never mind then! Since you guys want be dicks why don't you talk to that creepy person in front of us?!"

I looked at the person, he had his back turned to us and he was wearing a black cape with a hood…maybe he's lost

"Uh…maybe he's lost you guys"

"Why should we care?"

"Because Cartman it's not nice to leave somebody stranded"

" _Because Cartman maybe he's lost abliblo beublob biblobbelb"_

Cartman mocked me

"Shut up Cartman! We should ask him to make sure he's okay"

"Ok Red sure you can go talk to the creepy dude who is probably a pedophile rapist who will have his way with you…have fun!"

I seriously hate Cartman, have I told you that? Anyways I walk up to the caped figure

"Excuse Mr. Sir are you lost?"

"No mah"

He replied as he turned around…he looked like a white gangster

"Who are you?"

"Mah name is Wayne D mah I'm coming up here from South Park mah to find myself a gang mah because you be trippin you think I'm a real gangster yet mah I've gotta find a squad first mah than I be real gangster shit mah cappin bitches, shootin up other gangs mah it be some real fun ass shit mah"

….What did he just say?

"Aww it's just that gangster dude I saw from my anger management class"

Cartman said

"What from that whole T.M.I. thing"

Stan asked and Cartman replied with

"Yeah"

"Aye it's my bruh porky mah how you be doin mah?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine Wayne D, the hell are you doing here?"

"I be tryin to make a gang mah I can't be no gangsta with no gang mah so I be headin up to that place call North Canada mah I be hearing there be some wizard up in that part of the hood mah so I be hopin he can't grant my wish for a squad mah"

Suddenly music began playing

"Oh no don't tell me he's gonna-"

 _~Imma man without a squad like some bum without no quad~_

 _~They be like "I want it mah"~_

"That doesn't even rhyme"

I stated

 _~Imma get into fights and it would feel right~_

 _~If I only had a gang, mah~_

"You're a gangster why are you singing?"

Cartman asked

"Hey you right mah…I should be rappin"

"NO!"

We all called out but he ignored

 _~Yo, yo my name is Wayne D and imma get a squad of three, cuzzzz people ain't understandin me~_

 _~Sure I might be white but that is alright because imma gangster mah~_

 _~Mah, mah, mah, mah, mah, mah, mah-_

" _ALRIGHT WE GET IT!"_

We all screamed again. God this place is even weirder than South Park…

"Are you gonna let me come to North Canada with you mah?"

"As long as you don't ever rap around us again…sure"

I submitted

"This is just proof that white people shouldn't rap"

"CARTMAN STOP BEING!-You know that actually wasn't racist"

I caught myself…What? It's true! I can't rap to save my life, _My name is Red and I knew a guy named Fred, his brother's name is Ned…._ see?

 _ **Cut to: Next scene**_

"And that is why I'm called a dick"

"Great story Scott I guess your gonna tell us how you met Polly too huh?"

"Yeah! So I actually met Polly at an Animal Shelter, she was returned, 20 times apparently because her owners found her annoying for some reason-"

"Cartman why did you have to say anything?"

Kyle asked as we were about to listen to another story…I wish Kenny was here

"Hey Red"

"What do want now Cartman?"

"Is that one of those little midget dudes hanging himself?"

"Uh what?"

I looked at where he was pointing…

"Oh my god!"

I screamed before running over to the Munchkin hanging off of the tree branch with a rope around his neck…poor guy

"Damn little short stack is frontin mah!"

"Damn I remember they removed that from the Blu-Ray release"

"REMOVED WHAT?!"

I screamed. The hell did Cartman mean Blu-Ray release? It's not like this is some shitty spoof of some movie where some girl from Kansas winds up in some magical place with a Scarecrow without a brain, a Tinman without a heart and some Lion with no courage and their on a quest to Oz to find a wizard who will grant them wishes…or is that exactly what this is? Suddenly, I heard a menacing voice…

"You shouldn't have come to Canada, buddies…"

 **Author's note: Chapter 19 everybody! I meant to upload this last Sunday but I actually had a bit of writer's block. Crazy eh? That's rare for me because I typically don't have trouble writing these chapter but this one I did. On top of that I've playing this game called Evolve a lot more lately because it had a recent update and I've been hooked on it. I hope you enjoyed and watch out for Chapter 20!**


	20. Chapter 20-When all else fails

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Red and the gang ventured deeper into the wilderness of Canada to make it to North Canada. Along the way they met a giant dick without kraft, a white gangster without a gang and some annoying parrot named Polly who's about as stupid and irrelevant as Towelie was supposed to be. But after seeing a hanging Munchkin they encounter the biggest threat to their journey to North Canada…but this is a Kenny episode so absolutely none of that is important.**

 **Chapter 20: When all else fails**

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

I entered Skeeter's bar and went to the serving table

"2 bottles of Whisky"

I asked

"Uh I'm sorry but just how old are you?"

The bartender asked me

"Nine and a half"

"You have pine and a giraffe?"

"I'm nine and a half!"

"Oh…well look kid I can't serve alcohol to a nine year old"

"I've got 50 bucks"

"Suddenly I can, wait here"

He said as he left only to return seconds later, I was approached by Skeeter

"Aye! Nine year old! We don't take kindly to your kind round here!"

"Now Skeeter he ain't hurting nobody"

"No! No! I wanna hear something for Mr. I'm Nine over here…how come you think your grown enough to come into _my_ bar and order _my_ drinks!"

I took a moment to respond

"Cuz I'm nine and a half"

"Oh my bad sir…Aye! Nine and a half year old! We don't take kindly to your kind round here!"

"Now Skeeter he ain't hurtin nobody"

"No! No I wanna hear something from Mr. I'm Nine and a Half over here…what makes you think you can correct me on your age like some ten year old child!"

I took another moment to respond

"I'm almost ten"

"Exactly _almost_ ten, we don't serve kids who are almost ten years old round here. Get out of my bar!"

"My house is too far from here"

"How far?"

"Nine and a half minutes"

"Oh! Oh so now your being a smart ass about it! Look Mr. Nine and a half you aren't welcome to my bar no mores now get out else imma put my foot _nine and a half_ inches up your ass!"

I got up and just walked out after that statement

"Son of a bitch"

He said after my departure

"Now Skeeter he ain't want no trouble"

"You've seen one nine year old you've seen em all, all they care about is video games and toys. Out in the grown up world we ain't got time for no video games or toys he needs to grow his little punk ass up"

Suddenly there was a loud crash in the back room and the Bartender and Skeeter ran to it.

"All the alcohol…it's gone"

"Now calm down Skeeter it's was probably just-"

He stopped seeing something was still there

"What's this?"

The Bartender said as he picked it up

"Pabst Blue Ribbon?"

 _ **Cut back to: Kenny's house**_

"What are we supposed to do now Uncle Grandpa?"

A pizza with sunglasses said to a character on the tv show I was watching. 5 empty bottles laid around the couch and I was still drinking

"Der I don't know. I'm your Uncle Grandpa not your teacher scientist"

I laughed obviously drunk

"Ha Cartoon Network so funny ahaha"

I said somewhat slurred

"What do you think giant realistic flying tiger?"

The strange looking character said to tiger that was obviously realistic…he decided to maul the characters

"We'll be right back to Uncle Grandpa only on Cartoon Network"

I was in tears from laughter

"Ha I love that show man it's so funny"

"My son…what are you doing here?"

I heard the voice to the left of me and I looked to the right of me and responded

"Whaddya think Jeebus? I'm just watching the best TV show ever man"

He looked at the television

"Uncle Grandpa?"

He asked

"Yeah I love Uncle Grandma, my favorite character is the taco with the sunglasses he's funny"

"You mean the pizza?"

"No, no, no not the pieces Jeebus"

"Have you've been drinking my son?"

"What? No I'm just drinking Jeebus"

I took another sip of my bottle

"Besides don't you watch everybody like all the time dude?"

"I don't watch people waste their time, it wastes my time"

I took another sip

"I think you should stop drinking for now my son"

"Oh yeah and who do you think you are? My dad?"

"My son I'm just saying that because you're drunk"

"What now I'm not" *almost pukes*

"You've been looking at the wall the whole time you have been talking to me"

"I don't know what you're going on about"

"Stand up"

He said and I did so, stumbling

"See?! That was nothing"

"Now walk"

"That's easy"

"In a straight line"

"….straight?"

"Yes my son…straight"

"Okay….here I go"

I took a couple steps forward wobbly before I lose balance and fall

"See I walked in a straight line"

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Er 7"

"Wow you actually-"

"Hundred"

"Nevermind"

He spoke again

"But I think you should put the bottles down and help your little sister"

"Who?"

"Karen"

"Oh man I love carrots"

Jesus walked over to me, calmly before picking me up at the scruffs at my parka

"WAKE UP YOU SELFISH MAGGOT! YOUR BABY SISTER IS IN TROUBLE AND YOUR JUST SITTING DOWN YOU'RE YOUR THUMB IN YOUR ASSHOLE WHILE YOUR FRIENDS ARE GOING OUT AND RISKING THEIR LIVES FOR YOUR SISTER AND YOUR JUST SITTING HERE WATCHING THIS DIGUISTING CRAP!"

He swung me towards the direction of the TV

"Knock, Knock Pizza Steve"

"Who's there?"

"Uncle"

"Uncle who?"

"Uncle Grandpa HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR!"

Uncle Grandpa said before Jesus swung me back towards his direction

"PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, OPEN YOUR EYES! I DIDN'T DIE FOR YOUR SINS FOR YOU TO GET THEM BACK AGAIN!"

He slapped my face twice

"WAKE THE UP! WAKE UP DAMN YOU!"

He slapped me in my face repeatedly until I snapped out of it

"Jesus Christ stop slapping me!"

He put me down before brushing off his attire

"Apologizes my son, people need something to keep them going and there you go"

"Didn't have to hit me so hard"

"Now are you going to help your sister or not?"

I was still dazed from being beat the shit out of from Jesus

"I uh why?"

"Because she is your little sister my son"

"But…but she hates me"

"No she doesn't my son, you just made her mad…all siblings do it at one point or another it's normal you've just got to learn how to deal with it is all"

I absorbed his words

"The truth is even though siblings piss each other off, they need each other and even when you say you hate your siblings, deep down…you still love them. You've been protecting her for so long my son…don't stop here"

"…Jesus Christ you're right, Jesus"

"I know I'm right my son but it's sad I had to go god mode for you to understand"

"Yeah I know….sorry"

"It's fine…but I hope you realize your now a fugitive right? For stealing all those alcohol bottles"

"Yeah…"

"But that isn't important at the moment, you better get to Canada fast because your friends are in grave danger"

"Danger? From what?"

 _ **At Canada**_

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"W-who are you?"

I asked the being in front of me. One thing for sure, it was no Wicked Witch of the West, it's…

"The Canadian Devil, guy!"

 **Author's Note: Yeeup I decided to put the Canadian Devil in here, guy. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter of The Mystery of Mysterion and stayed tuned for chapter twani one!...That was from a vine for those who got that…y'know the whole "What's 9+10" thing…and then he was called stupid it-it's sorta last year vine…it had that kid who ran away and stuff…nevermind**


	21. Chapter 21-The Canadian Devil, guy!

**Narration:** **Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Kenny tried to douse his sorrows with beer, alcohol and even cat piss but Jesus guided him through. He tried to get Kenny off his rear to help Karen but he was too drunk to make sense of anything so just had to slap some sense into him…literally. He brought Kenny back to the mysterious realm known as reality and he heads to Canada (again) to help Karen. But as for the gang heading to North Canada they've encountered the biggest problem to ever befall the semi-great nation of Canada…besides Brian Adams**

 **Chapter 21: The Canadian Devil, guy**

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"W-what do you want from us devil of Canada?"

I asked shivering from fear

"Actually it's the Canadian Devil, friend and from what I understand your heading to North Canada yes?"

"Uh no…were actually heading to uh Ottowa"

Cartman said, I hate to admit it but I'm actually impressed with that save of his

"Oh sorry I got the wrong people"

The devil said and just as he turned around to fly away he immediately turned right back

"Hey wait a minute buddy I saw through your trickies! You guys already left Ottowa"

"No we didn't"

"Oh yeah then how come you have that "Free Health Care from Ottowa band on?"

I looked at Cartman's shoulder, the band read "Canada Care: Ottowa"

"Where did you get that Cartman?"

"Where do you think Red? Remember we had to cross Ottowa"

"I never saw you go in the health care store"

"Do you pay attention to me?"

"Okay good point…but what did you even go in there for?"

"Free health care"

"I know that smart fatass but why did you get free health care"

"I had a scrape on my elbow I was checking if it was infected"

"…that's it?"

"Well the health care is free here Red what do I have to lose?"

"Alright enough with the childish Banter guys, I can't let you get to North Canada anyways"

"Why?"

"Because I'm the devil red-head I thought blondes were the dumb ones"

Hurtful…

"Well just how are you going to stop us then hmmm?"

I remarked

"By taking those red slippers, friend"

As he went for them a huge spark of electricity knocked him back

"Ah dammit guy! I forgot those slippers were magical…well alright then I'll just have to kill you then"

"Oh uhhh I don't think that's a very good idea!"

I said startled

"Oh calm down buddy I can't just kill you myself that's against the rules, I can only harm those who go to Canadian Hell"

"Canadian Hell?"

Cartman said confused

"But you'll die in the wilderness of Canada for sure, Canada's wilderness is full of dire animals like dire lions, dire tigers and dire bears oh my!"

"What's a dire lion?"

I asked not knowing whether to be scared or confused

"Oh you don't know what a dire lion is right? It's like a lion…but dire!"

"Oh my!"

"Really Red?"

Cartman replied to my comment then Scott spoke

"You're not gonna stop us from getting to North Canada guy! I'm getting my kraft macaroni back!"

"And gonna get my gang mah!"

"KAW!"

"Oh yeah, well good luck through getting through the wilderness of Canada guys…you'll need it hahaHAhahaHAHAHA! *coughs* need a cough drop guy"

He said before vanishing in an explosion of fire. There was a moment of silence before I spoke

"Where's the next place we have to cross Kyle?"

"Oh uh the next place is Winnipeg"

"Alright I guess let's get going then"

I said before we made our way to Winnipeg

 _ **Cut to: Winnipeg**_

We ran into the town of Winnipeg, out of breath

*breathes* "Man *breathes* he was _not_ joking about those dire lions _phew!"_

I said out of breath due to dire lions chasing us all the way to Winnipeg

"Yeah *breathes* at least there was one cowardly one"

Stan said before we all realized where were

"The fuck are we?"

"I think this is Winnipeg Cartman"

I replied to his comment

" _This is Winnipeg?_ This tiny craphole is Winnipeg?"

"Yes indeed, welcome"

We all heard a voice from behind us and we looked

"Who are you?"

"Oh why I am the Earl of Winnipeg and nice of you to come back little red hood. That's funny, last time I saw you had black hair did you dye it?"

"Yeah, yeah very funny my name is Red by the way and this is-"

"Wait you're not little red riding hood?"

"No"

"Oh apologizes she normally comes around here I saw the red on your head so I kind of assumed you were her, she loves the color red"

"Oh boy isn't that a knee slapper and I suppose your gonna say Rumpelstiltskin comes around here too huh?"

I said sarcastically

"Hey guys what's up?"

I heard another voice so I looked to my side…it was actually Rumpelstiltskin…

"Yes actually, do you want to meet Jack and Jill too? There up that hill"

"No, no that's ok…in fact I don't want to see anymore of Canada ever again"

I said…for some reason I wasn't surprised that Rumpelstiltskin or Jack and Jill were here

"So what brings you buddies to Canada yes?"

The Earl asked us

"Well we are on our way to North Canada-"

"North Canada you say!"

"Don't ask to come along"

Cartman injected

"Hey you must be one of the 3 little pigs…when did you get all fat?"

"That's it he's dead"

Cartman said

"Don't Cartman"

I warned before the Earl continued

"I was gonna say you can't get to North Canada"

"Why not?"

Cartman said irritably

"We had to block off the Northern part of Winnipeg, the place is infested with packs of dire wolves! You know what dire wolves are right? There like wolves…but dire"

"Yes, yes we know"

I finished

"Aren't dire wolves supposed to be extinct?"

Kyle added

"Wait dire wolves are a thing? They actually existed?"

"Yeah, couple thousand years ago, they are a species of the megafauna that roamed-"

"Okay we don't need the nerd lesson from the Jew King alright"

"It's Drow Elf King, Titler"

I chuckled a little bit after what Kyle said it was pretty funny

"Oh oh I get it, just because I like Hitler and I have man tits sure, at least my hair doesn't look like a bloody cotton ball!"

"Guys! So what are we supposed to do about the dire wolves then?"

"Kill them Stan, easy"

Cartman jumped to that conclusion easily

"Well what are we supposed to kill them with?"

Stan asked

"Cartman can sit on one that will kill it for sure"

"Okay you know what Kyle why don't you get your dad to sue it to death that will work"

"Okay guys, bickering isn't helping anything we need to think for a minute"

"I have a suggestion"

The Earl started

"Do you know the Muffin Man?"

"Duh Muffn Mah?"

Wayne D asked

"The Muffin Man"

"Yes I know the Muffin Man, who lives on Duruy Lane?"

I asked

"She's married to the Muffin Man"

"The Muffin Man!"

I said startled

"The Muffin Man"

"She's married to the Muffin Man"

I finished

"Wait…who's married to the Muffin Man?"

Cartman asked…that wasn't part of the song

"The Muffin Man"

The Earl continued

"The Muffin Man is married to the Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man"

"The Muffin Man?"

"Duh Muffn Mah"

"What about the Muffin Man?"

Cartman asked

"She married to the Muffin Man"

"Who's married to the Muffin Man?"

"He lives on Duruy Lane right?"

Scott asked

"Duruy's married to the Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man"

"The Muffin Man is married to the Muffin Man or is Duruy Lane married to the Muffin Man?"

"KAW!"

"Guys! How are we going to get rid of the dire wolves?!"

I asked as that conversation obviously made me lose it

"Muffins"

Cartman just had to add in like a smart ass

"I told you guys just go talk to the Muffin Man he lives on Duruy Lane"

"DURUY LANE DOESN'T EXIST!"

I screamed

"Yes it does look"

The Earl pointed at a street sign that said…Duruy Lane

"He owns the Muffin shop on that lane you can't miss it"

"Thank you Earl but I don't see how Muffins will help us…"

"He knowns a guy that can, I promise. I want those dire wolves dead just as much as you do"

I sighed…slowly wanting to get of this place but I had Kenny's little sister to save…I wonder where Kenny is right now?

 _ **Cut to: Canadian Border**_

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

The Canadian border patrol laid on the ground, beaten badly

"Make me go and get a fucking passport, son of a bitcheth"

I mumbled, letting my anger go from beating the shit out of him… _I'm coming Karen_

 **Author's Note: Chapter 21 peoplez! I am so sorry I have not uploaded in a long time. I know these excuses for not uploading every weekend are getting old and it's not like you guys are begging me to upload every weekend but I didn't have any internet for a while and I'm kind of embarrassed to tell you this may happen somewhat frequently…I try to keep weekly uploads you guys know that by now but if don't upload for an extended period of time it's** _ **most likely**_ **because my house is internetless so I can't upload. I managed to upload for you guys this weekend because I'm at the library. But that doesn't mean I haven't forgot about my wonderful readers though. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and you'll probably be reading chapter 22 right after this so enjoy!**


	22. Chapter 22-The Muffin Man

**Narration:** **Fuck it…**

 **Chapter 22: The Muffin Man**

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"Is this it?"

I pointed out to the gang

"Well Red it says "Muffin Shop" so call me dyslexic but I'm pretty sure that's it"

"Knock it off with the sarcasm you fat dickhead it's getting annoying"

I remarked, he surprisingly didn't say anything afterwards. I walked up to the Muffin Shop, a man popped out with a chef's hat and that long, curly cartoon style mustache…and he was Canadian

"Ah? Yes, yes hello welcome to ze moofin shop what moofins can I serve you today?"

He didn't talk like a Canadian at least

"We were told to come here because you can help us with something"

I explained

"What so you come to ze moofin shop and buy none of ze moofins? What is it?"

"The uh Earl of Winnipeg said you can help us get rid the dire wolves up in Northern Winnipeg"

"Help you with ze dire wolves? Bah! I no kill ze dire wolves I only make ze moofins! I make ze blueberry moofins, ze chocolate chip moofins, ze-"

"Okay we understand you make muffins okay but he said you know someone who can help us with the dire wolf problem"

"Ah yes I do! You want to know?"

"Yes please!"

Wow this was easy!

"Only if you buy ze moofins for 2.99"

Damn it

"No thank you sir we just want to know who can help us okay?"

"Very well, ze person zat can help you is…ze moofin for 2.99"

"No, no we don't want to buy any muffins okay-"

"How about ze 2.29?"

"American money is worthless here anyway what are you going to do with it?"

"Convert it to Canadian money"

"We don't want any of your crappy muffins alright!"

Cartman said as rude as always…

"Very well, zen I no tell you ze person, goobye"

And he closed his muffin shop right afterwards

"Wait, WAIT!...Alright I'll buy ze moofin"

He opened right away after my statement

"Yes, YES! Buy ze moofin! Buy one! Here are ze moofins! Here's ze chocolate chip moofins, here's ze bluberry moofins, here's ze-"

"Tell us the person, please"

"Ha! Ze silly red haired girl said "Tell us ze person". You must buy ze moofin first!"

"…Blueberry muffin"

I said, wilting in defeat

"Ah yes here! One blueberry moofin"

I took it

"5 dollars"

"What?! You said 2.99 then brought it down to 2.29!"

"Yes but you bought ze moofin! 5 dollars"

"Ugh fine here"

I handed him the 5 bucks

"Your light"

"No I'm not! I handed you the five!"

"I said ze 6.25 yes"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did"

"No way! Forget it!"

"Uh-oh! My moofin shop is closing now!"

"Alright, ALRIGHT! Take it! God!"

He took it

"….7.50"

"Okay you know what NO! I gave you the damn 6.25 and you're gonna take the damn 6.25 else I'm going to take this _muffin_ and toss it in the trash!"

"No, NO! My moofins is ze art! You don't through away ze art!"

"Uh-oh! I'm heading to the trash!"

"Okay, OKAY I TELL YOU ZE PERSON!"

That definitely worked

"So who is he?"

"I don't know his name alright but, but he is at ze Canadian prison"

"Damn there's a Canadian version of everything! Canadian Hell, Canadian prison-"

"Knock it off Cartman"

I cut him off before continuing

"You don't know his name?"

"Nobody knows his name, I don't think even he knows his own name"

"Where's the Canadian prison?"

"Somewhere in ze Vancouver! West of here! Just don't throw away ze moofin please!"

"Thank you sir. Guys! We're heading west"

I said and took a bite of the muffin before we left the muffin shop and began traveling west

"Or was it in ze east?"

 _ **Cut to: Canadian Prison**_

"Should we really be doing this?"

"Red do you want to get to North Canada or not?"

"I don't want to get to North Canada, I want to save Karen"

"Prisoner 404 you have visitors"

I heard one of the guards say and then he came out

"The fuck are you people?"

"I'm Red and this is Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Scott the Dick, some bird name Polly and Wayne D"

"Actually it's the Wizard King, Red"

"Whatever Cartman"

"What do all need from me anyway?"

"We were told to come here"

I answered

"By?"

"The Muffin Man"

"Ah…and just what do you need exactly"

"We need help with the dire wolves in Winnipeg, they're in our way and apparently you can help us"

"What's in it for me?"

"We will bust you outta of here"

"Red what the hell are you doing?"

Cartman asked me

"What?"

"You don't just tell a prisoner "We'll bust you out if you help us" we _have_ to bust him out for him to help us"

"So?"

"So he could just run off a Scott free without helping us don't you know anything? Let me handle this…"

He said before turning his attention to the prisoner. That was strangely nice of him…

"So -"

"You don't need to know…"

"Right anyway Mr. No Name I don't want any bullshit from you and you don't want any from me right? Here's the deal: you stay with us and help us with the dire wolves not only will we bust you out we will buy you muffins from the Muffin Man"

I quickly turned Cartman right around

" _Muffins?! That's your payment?! Muffins!?"_

I screamed at him as silent as possible as to not make a scene

"Red hear me out, if he knows the Muffin Man than he must have been to the shop before right?"

"I don't know! I mean I guess so-"

"Right and he makes good muffins"

"How do you know?"

"You gave it to me cuz you didn't finish it"

"Oh..right…sorry"

"I thought you would have it figured out, you're not a blonde"

"Shut up Cartman"

He turned back to the prisoner

"Just how many muffins we talkin here?"

The prisoner asked

"All the ones you want, deal?"

He pondered for a moment

"Why should I trust a bunch of 3rd graders to bust me out of here huh?"

"Because were not 3rd graders we're 4th graders"

"So why should I trust a bunch of _4_ _th_ _graders_ to get me out?"

"Who else is there to trust huh? I come to you with a serious proposal promising to get you out of jail and you're questioning it. How long have you been here for?"

"12 years"

"12 years of no freedom, 12 years of having to suck a man's fireman to survive-"

"The fuck do mean by "fireman"? "

"12 years of being afraid to drop the soap, 12 years of taking it in the butt, how would you like to make it end tonight hmm?"

"…Deal"

"Good…one question though, how did you wind up in here anyways?"

"Oh I sold some retard a bag of "magic" beans"

"What was really in the bag?"

"Pot, I just told him to sniff the beans"

"Very nice man, very nice"

"I know"

"So we are gonna bust you out at around midnight sound good?"

"Sounds just fine as long as I get out of here"

"Fine good sir…pleasure doing business"

"Whatever"

He walked back over to us

"We get him out of here by midnight everyone got it?"

"How are we supposed to do it?"

"Simple Stan…you just have to do what I say"

Oh boy…

"Let's go"

He said and we decided to leave until I noticed him running back to the prisoner

"Oh and by the way I need help with a little problem"

"Another one? What is it?"

"Here's a hint: Do _Jew_ wanna help me?"

"Let's go Cartman!"

I grabbed him and dragged him out. Time for prison break…

 **Author's note: Okay that was chapter 22! I hope you guys enjoyed it and watch out for chapter 23! I know I didn't really have much to say here…**


	23. Chapter 23-Breaking Out!

**Narration:** **Previously on the "Mystery of Mysterion". The gang meets the Muffin Man who lived on Duruy Lane. He directs the kids to Canadian Prison where they meet the man who sold the kid magic beans from that one story and now…they're busting him out of jail.**

 **Chapter 23: Breaking Out**

 **TIME: 12:00 MIDNIGHT, CANADIAN TIME**

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"Okay I've explained the plan to you guys, do you all get it?"

Cartman explained to us…I'm not comfy with the idea of breaking a prisoner out of jail

"I'm not comfy with the idea of breaking a prisoner out of jail"

I explained to Cartman

"Oh man up, girl! Anyways everybody knows what to do…let's go"

We all made our way to the side wall of the jail to avoid line of sight

"See if the coast is clear Polly"

Scott said before sending out Polly into the sky…we all stood quietly…waiting for Polly's signal. She flew in a circle around the perimeter to check…

"KAW!"

She screamed

"Damn not so loud Polly"

Scott whispered as loud as he allowed himself

"Yeah the muthafuckin bird gonna be breakin our cover mah!"

"KAW! SORRY! KAW!"

I pinched my nose…but that was the clear signal

"Scott tell your stupid bird it's phase two"

"Polly! Phase two!"

He whispered as loud as possible and Polly flew towards the cameras at the side of the building and tore the down with her talons

 _ **At the Security Room**_

 **Canadian security guard P.O.V.**

"Yep…staying in this room is sure exciting buddy"

I said with sarcasm

"I sure wish something would HAPPEN here…Huh?"

I shouldn't speak so soon, I took notice at the static on camera three's screen, then camera five's and then six's

"What in Canadian God's name? FINALLY! Something's happening here oh I can't wait to tell my buddies!"

I looked at the security camera

"Whoever is taking out those security cameras is in for a surprise! Because I may be a normal Canadian security guard but when someone messes with my prison _Hoho!_ They see my true identity!"

I spun around in place so fast I looked like a mini tornado but when I stopped spinning, I had a new outfit on. I wore a red mask and red tights and a red shirt with a white circle on the chest with a Canadian maple leaf on it and I wore white shoes with a white cape and my white underwear was on the outside

"Time for them to face…CANADA MAN! FRIEND, GUY AND BUDDY TO ALL! Besides those who enter my prison, but I'll allow them to enter…after all it's been a while since I've beat up some guys…friend"

 _ **Back to the gang!**_

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"You guys ever get the feeling something weird is going to happen?"

I asked innocently not knowing what was waiting for us in that prison

"No why?"

Stan replied as Polly took out the last camera

"Alright that's the last camera, let's go in!"

"Wait Cartman, we're just gonna march right on in there? What about the doors? Aren't they locked or something?"

"Nah you just push them and go in, come on"

Kind of a low security measure but as we were about to walk in we were stopped by a security guard

" _HEY!_ You all supposed to be out here?!"

"Um…yes"

I replied frightened

"Oh okay then…Have a good night friends!"

He said before walking off…huh?

"Isn't Polly supposed to warn us if someone comes!?"

I tried to hold back yelling at Scott

"Uh we didn't go over that part of the plan…"

Ignoring my frustration, we walked right into the prison

"Alright everybody, fan out and find his cell!"

Cartman demanded and we did so. We searched around the prison for his cell for some time before I heard Cartman scream that he found him. We all ran over to the spot

"You found him?"

"Well Red I wouldn't yell "I found him if" I didn't"

"Do you think you should have done that in a prison?"

"There's no one in here, else we would have been stopped already"

The prisoner spoke to us

"How do you kids plan on getting me outta here huh?"

We all looked at Cartman

"W-what do all look at me for?!"

"You came up with the plan Cartman, how are we supposed to get him out?"

"Did I tell you my plan was flawed?"

Just I was about to slug him…

"Soooo…someone dare enter _my_ prison eh?"

I looked behind me

"That's right! Tremble before…CANADA M- Wait a minute…your kids? What are kids doing here?"

"We are busting this drug dealer out of this Canadian crap hole so we can get to North Canada now go put your Superman costume away"

"I'M BETTER THAN SUPERMAN, I'M THE BEST SUPERHERO OUT THERE! I'M BETTER THAN SPIDERMAN, BATMAN, IRON MAN AS I AM CANADA MAN! I will not be talked to like this by a bunch of dirty, stinky Americans!"

He turned around and began talking to the wall

"3 years of no crime to fight and _this_ is what I get! A bunch of kids, Americans no less!...No…they are breaking Canadian law plus they are Americans"

He turned back to us

"I don't care if you're a bunch of kids, prepare to face your worst nightmare!"

"My worst nightmare is you leaving us alone"

Cartman added like a smart ass

"Besides that! Prepare to face…CANADA MAN! BLIZZARD BLAST!"

He said and a icy, blue sphere of energy formed and he fired a bitter, cold blizzard at us from it…we avoided the blizzard. It froze the prison bars…

"Hey Cartman, you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"If you're thinking about beating the shit out of Canada Man then yeah! WARRIORS OF ZARON! ATTACK!"

The whole group went after Canada Man. I was not thinking of that at all

"Cartman wait! I was thinking Canada Man could break the bars for us!..."

They obviously didn't hear me…oh well, I joined the attack

"Oh they are going on the offensive now! They are in for it now! They might have dodged blizzard blast but can they avoid my SNOWFLAKE SHURIKENS!"

Large snowflakes formed in his hands and began to throw them at us. I back flipped to dodge some but one cut my shirt as it barely missed my skin. Stan did a whirlwind slash with his sword and cut the snowflakes in half. Kyle just took cover…It felt like I was in an episode of Codename Kids Next Door

"Respect my authoritay!"

Cartman said as he wacked him over the head with his staff

"Ouch guy!"

Canada Man said before pushing him to the ground, how hero like…

"Alright Polly, get him!"

Scott sent Polly out and it went right for Canada Man's face, slashing him with her talons. The ice was starting to melt off the bars, I had to do something and fast. I charged the bars…nothing. Canada Man knocked Polly out of his face

"Yo mah! You be wantin to square up mah?! Lookin like a ghetto Superman up in this crib mah"

"I'M BETTER THAN SUPERMAN!"

"Hey Canada Man!"

I called out

"Huh? What do want villain scum?"

"Don't you have a special attack?"

"Special attack?"

"Yeah you know how superheroes have a special attack?"

"Hey yeah I do have one!"

"Red I don't think this is good idea"

Kyle said but I ignored him

"Make sure you aim it at me Canada Man"

"You're a brave girl, guy…oh well here I go!"

"Let me get into a good position first"

I walked in front of the of the cell

"Go ahead…"

"Alright friend TIME FOR MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"

A blue energy sphere formed

"Red! Don't do this!"

Kyle yelled, the sphere got bigger

"This is dangerous Red!"

Stan yelled, it got even bigger

"What you doin mah?"

It got so large he had to hold it over his head

"Red! If you die, I'm never talking to you again!"

Cartman said like an idiot, at least there is a positive side if I die

"PREPARE FOR MY SUPER, SPECIAL, AWESOMELY COOL, WAY BETTER THAN ANY OTHER SUPERHERO'S ATTACK!"

As he screamed, the sphere transformed into a hockey puck and he stopped screaming. He pulled out a hockey stick

"I call it.. my _pucking_ awesome attack! HIIIYYAAHH!"

He hit the hockey puck and it came flying at me. The puck came so close to hitting me, I felt the wind from the puck at the speed it was coming, but I dodged it…. _Matrix style!_ It shattered the bars, I hope it didn't hit the prisoner…

*gasps* "She dodged my special attack! How?!"

The puck suddenly came flying from the cell, it hit me on the back of the head

"Oh that's better…"

As Canada Man said that, the puck continued to rebound of the walls of the prison, it broke other jail cells, cell locks and I think it fractured the back of my head…The other prisoners came out of their cells

"Hey look fellas…it's Canada Man"

"Yeah…the man that tossed me in jail"

"And me"

"And me"

"And me"

"I was thrown in here for littering!"

They all slowly approached Canada Man…menacingly

"Now, now hold up guys…You should have paid the littering fine if you didn't want to be in here"

"…Get him!"

All the prisoners began to beat the hell out of Canada Man. On of the prisoners approached us

"Hey, thanks for busting us outta of here…we'll get out your way. FELLAS! LET'S TAKE CANADA MAN TO THE SHOWER ROOM! We will make him drop the soap a couple of times…"

They began to drag him away

"NO! WAIT! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO CANADA MAN! I'M THE BEST SUPERHERO EVER NOOOOOOOO!"

And he vanished into the darkness of the prison along with the other prisoners

"Hey…where's our guy?"

Cartman asked. We all looked into the cell…he was frozen

 **Author's Note: I'm beeeeack! Yup me internet is back and I can now continue with the story. Y'all miss me? Anyways I hoped you guys enjoyed the chapter!**


	24. Chapter 24-Sidetracked

**Narration: Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion"…Deez nuts HA! GOTTI!**

 **Chapter 24: Sidetracked**

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"He's frozen…"

I pointed out

"My mah is frozen mah! He be lookin like a Canadian Cave man, ya ba dabba do mah!"

"Canada Man must have done that when he shot at the bars…what are we supposed to do now?"

Kyle asked

"We can buy some hair dryers"

"Shut up Cartman"

"No wait Kyle I think that's all we can do at this point"

I said actually defending Cartman's statement

"Well we can't buy anything now everything's closed"

"Well not everything Stan"

"It's 12:35 at night, what could possibly be open Cartman?"

"A Wawa"

"Shut up Cartman"

"No wait Stan maybe Cartman's right"

I've gotta stop defending him…

"Maybe there is a Wawa around or some other place that has 24 hour service"

"But Wawa doesn't sell hair dryers"

Scott pointed out

"Well do you know any other stores around here that might be open Scott?"

"No"

We looked at Wayne D

"What y'all looking at me for mah?"

Well he probably doesn't know then

"So I guess we don't really have a choice but to simply just…crash here"

"You mean sleep on a cold, dirty prison floor"

"Or we find some other place to rest, Cartman whatever"

"So are we bringing the prisoner along?"

"Well I don't think we'd be able to move him Scott. He frozen to the ground too"

"Hey wait we don't have to leave the prison, there's beds in the cells"

"Uhhh I don't want to sleep those cells I don't know where those prisoners have been!"

"Either the beds or the floor Red"

"…I'll take the beds…"

I said, admitting defeat to Cartman's statement. After that we each took a bed in one of the cells

"Goodnight Polly"

"KAW! SCOTT! KAWWWWWWW!"

"What Polly?"

"KAW!"

"What?"

"KAW!"

I soon blocked out the babble and I laid down on the bed, as much as I didn't want to. I felt something under the pillow and pulled it out…it was a nail file, typical. But then I heard a cough and it sounded like it came from under the bed. I slowly looked under, my tension rising…there was tunnel that dug out of the prison, again typical. Maybe everything that happened today is just getting to me. Nonetheless I just decided to calm down

"I really hope Kenny is doing alright back in South Park *yawns* and I hope we aren't too late for Karen…I can only imagine what she's going through…poor thing"

I soon shut my eyes and slowly started to drift off

 **Mimsy's P.O.V.**

"Gee that was close boss huh? She almost saw us in the tunnel!"

"Shut up Mimsy! This is bad"

"What's the matter boss?"

"Didn't you just here what she said Mimsy? Kenny isn't with them and they are gonna get Karen themselves!"

"Well what's wrong with that boss? Isn't that what the boss _boss_ wanted?"

"No idiot he wanted Kenny specifically, what are we supposed to tell him?!"

"Well boss we can just tell the boss boss that Kenny isn't with them, my mommy does say honesty is the best policy"

"Shut up Mimsy!"

He says that a lot, he can be pretty mean sometimes but he's good guy. That's why he made me kidnap Karen because he was too nice to do it, well that and his arms are broken

"Alright Mimsy we've got to keep them from getting to North Canada"

"Oh so then let's just take the frozen guy because then they wouldn't be able to deal with the dire wolves right boss?"

"Shut up Mims-wait that's actually good idea"

"Really boss?"

"Yeah go get him Mimsy but just don't forget about me I'm still in my wheelchair"

"Dur okay boss!"

I crawled up the tunnel to get the frozen guy. I like Frozen that was cool movie, especially the part when they sing…I like singing

 _ **4 hours later**_

We finally made it back to North Canada. We would have made it back sooner but I forgot the boss, ha I'm goofy! We entered the castle that the boss boss took over and we saw him on the throne

"Dur hi boss boss!"

"Why did you two take so long? I asked you two to find them not take a vacation"

"Mimsy forgot me after I told him not too"

"Doyee sorry boss"

"Just be quiet for now Mimsy"

Hey! He didn't hit me or tell me to shut up! Made he's tired

"So how close are they?"

The boss got really nervous all of a sudden

"Oh uh *nervously laughs* about that, Kenny was kind of not with them"

"What?"

"Kenny wasn't really with them"

Gee, the only time I've seen the boss this nervous was when he got an invitation back to camp

" _What?_ "

"KENNY WASN'T WITH THEM!..."

Uh-oh…

"What do you mean "Kenny wasn't with _them_ "? Who's them?!"

"Uh Mimsy saw all of them, uh who was there Mimsy?

"A girl with red hair, a fat kid, a kid who looks Jewish, a kid that had a sword and a blue hat or helmet he looked cool, a really tall person with a parrot and a white gangster"

"And no one was wearing an orange parka?"

"Uh no boss boss"

Boss boss growled in frustration before he noticed the frozen guy

"What's up with the ice sculpture?"

"Oh uh h-he was going to help those guys get rid of the dire wolves which was stopping them from getting to North Canada so I thought that by bringing him here maybe they wouldn't be able to get here"

"Hey boss I thought of th-"

"Shut up Mimsy!"

"Well how is Kenny supposed to get here then you twit! How stupid are you?!"

"Uh it was all Mimsy's idea!"

"Yeeup"

Wow he's actually giving me credit this time!

"Well…at least it will stop the others from getting here until Kenny catches up, good job Mimsy"

"I lied I thought of that!"

"Hey!"

The boss tried taking the credit again!

"Grab some hair dryers from the master bedroom and un thaw him Mimsy. Nathan watch him"

"But Karen is in there, all she does is complain"

"Put up with it!"

The boss boss said and I rolled the boss to the master bedroom to grab the hair dryers. I wonder why the boss boss wants Kenny so bad…I guess we will find out when he gets here

 **Author's Note: Okay that was chapter 24 you guys! Also I know this is late and stuff but Merry Christmas! I hope y'all enjoyed your Christmas and this chapter. I guess you could say this is sorta my Christmas present to you guys even if it's late. Also I swear this is the last time I change my user name honest. But I hoped you enjoyed and stay tuned for chapter 25!**


	25. Chapter 25-Another Way

**Narration: Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". After Canada Man so unfortunately frozen the prisoner the gang didn't quite know what to do about the situation so they decided to rest and figure it out in the morning. Little did they know that Nathan and Mimsy weren't far behind…**

 **Chapter 25: Another Way**

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PRISONER?!"

I screamed

"Well I dunno maybe he unthawed in the middle of the night and bailed on us"

Stan said

"But-but I offered to get him out of prison!"

"Well he sure got out now Cartman"

Kyle stated

"He left us…I can't believe he actually left us…everything we've been through to get to this point and he just left us"

I said with my face in my palms

"He didn't run away guy"

I heard an all too familiar voice

"C-Canada Man?"

"That's right little red haired girl. I, Canada Man have returned!"

"But weren't you being raped?"

Cartman asked

"It's rape if you like it? I-I mean what you weren't expecting me to comeback? It's not like those guys were just gonna do that to me and I was defeated and be out of your guy's way it's not a fairy tale. I mean yeah I might not be able to sit down for awhile but it was inevitable that I, Canada Man, HAVE RE-"

"Turned yes, yes I know"

Cartman said, cutting him off

"So what you're not mad at us?"

I asked

"Oh no, Canada Man is FURIOUS!...But my Canadian behind hurts, I-I can't fight like that"

"Oh…that's good I-I think…"

I said trailing off

"So how do you know what happened to that prison guy?"

Scott asked

"Oh yes, prisoner 404 didn't run off he was stolen"

"Stolen?"

I asked

"Yes, he was stolen"

"By who?"

"Some buffed kid with derpy eyes and a kid in a wheel chair and who was in a body cast"

"NATHAN AND MIMSY!"

I screamed out in realization

"Why did they take the prisoner?"

"TO SLOW US DOWN CARTMAN!"

"But why would they want to slow us down Red?"

"BECAUSE!-Er…um...i dunno…maybe to have Karen to himself?"

I said completely unsure…why did he want Karen?

"Why you think he likes her?"

"That wouldn't make sense Kyle, he just moved here…plus I don't think he's ever seen Karen before anyway"

"What if it has to do with Kenny?"

Stan asked

"But what could he possibly want with Kenny?"

"Sounds like a crime! Which means it's time for…CANADA MAN! FRIEND, GUY AND BUDDY TO ALL!"

"What can you possibly do?"

Cartman asked

"Remove your _dire_ problem up in Winnipeg that's what!"

"Really? You would help us with that Canada Man?"

"Sure…you guys are just trying to help your friend is all. I'll be glad to help you out! Anyways get to Winnipeg I'll meet you new friends there. Remember…Friend me on Facebook, follow me on Instagram and find me on Twitter BYE!"

Canada Man said before flying through the ceiling…why do superheroes do that?

"Wow that Canada Man is a cool guy"

Kyle stated

"Mah shut up mah"

"Yeah that's something Butters would say"

Cartman explained

"Come on let's head back to Winnipeg!"

I said, excited. Finally we're making progress!"

 _ **In North Canada**_

 **Karen's P.O.V.**

The doors to the bedroom opened and I gasped

"W-what do you two want?"

"Dur hi Karen! We just need some hair dryers is all to unfree-"

"Unfreeze! Yeah we were playing game of Simon Says and Simon says SHUT UP MIMSY!"

"Well…w-what do you need hair dryers for?"

I asked. I was scared…they've done terrible things to me here. They beat me!...in board games! I still fell the beating from last night's game of Sorry. They weren't sorry at all…

"Well for our hair obviously"

The kid in the body cast and who was in a wheelchair said

"There are some in the closet"

I told them

"Alright Mimsy go get them"

"But you didn't say Simon says go get them boss"

"SIMON SAYS GO GET THEM MIMSY!"

"Doyee okay boss"

Mimsy walked over to the closet, opened the door and went inside. When he came out he stood in front of the doorway with four hair dryers…but he didn't move

"What are you waiting for Mimsy? Come back!"

"But Simon didn't say comeback boss"

"Mimsy when I get out of this body cast I'm going hit you for all the times I couldn't hit you because I'm in this cast"

"Did Simon tell you to do that boss?"

"SIMON SAYS SHUT UP MIMSY! SHUT, UP AND SIMON SAYS TO COMEBACK AND PUSH ME OUT THE ROOM!"

"Okay boss!"

Mimsy said with a surprising amount of optimism. He did as Nathan or Simon or whatever his name instructed but Mimsy dropped the hair dryers before leaving and shutting the door. They started talking but their speech was muffled

"Mimsy where are the hair dryers?"

"Simon told me to come back, push you out and to shut up…oh man I lost didn't I boss?"

"Yes you lost Mimsy, now Simon says go get the hair dryers and come back out"

"But I lost boss, simon doesn't tell me what to do anymore"

"JUST GO GET THE HAIR DRYERS!"

He came back in and picked up the hair dryers

"Bye Karen!"

"Uh bye Mimsy"

And he left the room…I wonder how Kenny is doing…I was mean to him, wasn't I? I-I was just upset he was keeping secrets from me…we tell each other everything and I mean he had a good reason not to tell me but…I just hope wherever he is…he's okay

 _ **Meanwhile in Munchkin land**_

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

~ _We sing to you, the lollipop gill~_

 _~The lollipop gill~_

 _~The lollipop gill~_

 _~We sing to you, the lollipop gillllllll~_

 _~We welcome you to Munchkin landddd~_

"I'm not staying here for long can I just go?"

I asked this witch lady I met

"Nope it's mandatory to listen to our welcoming songs upon entering Munchkin land"

"Well is it almost over? I'm in a rush"

"Oh you still have to get through the second verse"

I growled

 **Author's note:** **Okay chapter 25! If you are looking for me to explain why I didn't upload…I don't have any excuse aside from laziness, I know, I know…you may start the throwing of the eggs and booing me, apologies people I apologize. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and stay tuned for 26!**


	26. Chapter 26-The Chat

**Narration: Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Canada Man promised he would help the gang with their** _ **dire**_ **problem, see what I did there? In the meantime Nathan and Mimsy have to unthaw prisoner 404 while we saw how Karen was doing…that's it.**

 **Chapter 26: The Chat**

 _ **Nathan's P.O.V.**_

"Ok Lucas…we have the prisoner unthawed…now what?"

"Is he in the chair?"

"Yes, Mimsy strapped him in"

"Durrrr strappy chair boss"

"Shut up Mimsy"

"Very good…now like I said before tell him my demands ok?"

"Sure…push me in the room Mimsy, not in the broom, the _room_ Mimsy got it"

"Doyee alrighty boss"

He pushed, but into the wrong room

"MIMSY!"

"I did it boss! Am I smart now?"

 _ **Interrogation Time!**_

Mimsy after several attempts even pushing me into the wall…3 times he finally pushed me into the right room.

"So you're the prisoner that's trying to help out those kids from South Park correct?"

"Who the hell are you two?"

"I'm glad you asked…I am Nathan..."

"So uh…who's your friend?"

"And I'm Mimsy! See boss? I said my name for you"

"Shut up Mimsy"

The prisoner chuckled

"What's so funny?"

I asked

"Nothing…just seeing how dysfunctional you two are amuses me"

"Dysfunctional?"

"It means we don't work well together"

"Shut up Mimsy! I know that"

I turned my attention towards the prisoner

"If it wasn't for how incompetent Mimsy was you wouldn't be laughing would you?"

"It's also funny seeing a kid in a body cast attempt to intimidate me"

"For your information!-Mimsy push me back and forth like I would be pacing"

"Durr you got it dude"

He pushed me towards the prisoner and back to him…not what I meant

*sigh* "I'm not the one you should be scared of here"

"Oh really…and just who should I be scared of exactly?"

As I opened my mouth to talk…

"Doyee the boss boss"

"The boss boss?"

The prisoner asked

"Yes my bo-*clears throats* Lucas…he wanted us to bring you here"

"And why is that exactly?"

"You were helping those snot nosed kids get here"

"They promised me a moofin, how could I turn that down?"

Slightly confused I decided to make him a better deal

"Well how about we offer you something better?"

"What?"

"You see that on your ankle? That's a shock collar"

"If it's a collar why isn't on my neck?"

"Mimsy put it on"

"Mimsy do good! Mimsy do good!"

"Shut up Mimsy, we need you to find this kid and bring him here, show him the picture Mimsy"

Mimsy held up a picture of Kenny

"He should be easy for you to find as he should be in Canada by now, it's unlikely for him to abandon Karen. Bring him here and we will take collar off your ankle"

"And if I just decide to leave Canada?"

He asked

"ZAP! 700 volts of electricity"

He gulped

"Intimidated now?"

"I'll admit, a little…fine I'll go fetch your kid for ya"

"It was a pleasure doing business with ya"

"You're a the second kid that said that to me"

"Really? Whatever let's go Mimsy"

"Okey boss"

Mimsy left the room…without me"

 _ **One shut up Mimsy later**_

"So what did he say?"

"He will do it"

"Terrific and the best part is I don't have to worry about those darn kids"

We heard a knock on the window and Lucas opened it

"What Canada Devil…"

Lucas said

"I'd like to inform you that you should be worried about those darn kids, Canada Man destroyed the dire wolves for them with his ultimate attack"

"No…NO! I DON'T WANT THEM HERE! STALL THEM!"

"What am I supposed to do guy?"

"I dunno call the Canadian P.E.T.A. or something!"

"Are you paying me again friend?"

"Sure whatever just STOP THEM!"

"Alright guy jeez I'm on it"

The Canadian devil flew away

"Hey boss boss what are we gonna do now?"

"Polish my shoes, do the laundry, wash the dishes, walk the dog, order pizza, make sure it's anchovies, feed the fish, iron my clothes, pay the electric bill, clean the gutter, buy toilet paper, mow the lawn, clean the toilet, vacuum the floor, vacuum the ceiling, replace the light bulb, shine the windows, buy nutsacks for my donuts, go do the lottery and scrub the bathroom floor it's filthy in there"

"..."

Mimsy lightly pushed me away

"This is bullcrap Mimsy"

"I know, how are we gonna vacuum the ceiling?"

"Not that Mimsy, we are being treated like slaves"

"I'm used to it, you always treat me like one anyways"

*sigh* "Shut up Mimsy…"

 **Author's note: Hiya everybody I finally posted chapter 26 for y'all. I've doing a lot of storyboarding for next story so this is why I haven't been on in a while. I'm gonna attempt to post tomorrow to make up for the past 2 weeks I haven't posted as long as I don't have any homework but if I don't tomorrow it will definitely be sometime this week. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and watch out for 27!**


	27. Chapter 27-The Kool Kidnapping of Kenny

**Narration: Previously on "The Mystery…y'know there's really not much summarize. Nathan and Mimsy just persuaded the prisonah…that's uh it….yeah….yup….indeed….so…..um…on with the chapter?**

 **Chapter 27: The Kool Kidnapping of Kenny**

 _ **The Prisoner's P.O.V.**_

I asked people around Winnipeg if they seen parka boy

"Hey random Canadian civilian"

"Yes that is me"

"Have you seen some kid in an orange parka around here?"

"No I'm afraid not?"

"Damn it…you can like go somewhere now no one really cares about you"

I look for more Canadians

"Hey you"

"Me? Hey guy"

"Yeah, yeah whatever you seen anyway kid in an orange parka?"

"No I'm afraid not"

"Agh you're useless"

"…yes…I am useless, you see it all started when I was-"

"Nobody cares shut up, HEY YOU OVER THERE! YEAH YOU! COME HERE REAL QUICK!"

"What do you want buddy?"

"You, see, kid, orange parka, yes? No?"

"No"

"Ugh then what are you still doing here you're not important SCRAM!"

I asked another Canadian, and another and another and another and you get the picture, the point is I can't find no one that saw this damn kid

" _Ugh this is pointless! He could be anywhere in Canada and they want me look around and find him, idiots…"_

I decide to ask one more person before I grab the chainsaw to saw the collar off

"Yo, guy"

"Well that was rude, don't call me guy if I'm not your guy it's Canadian custom friend"

"Hey wait if I'm not allowed to call you guy don't call me friend"

"Hmph! Well alright then budday!"

"Don't call me buddy, guy"

"Don't call me guy friend"

"Don't call me-wait I see where this is going. Look I'm not in the mood for the whole "Guy, buddy, friend argument. I need some help"

"Oh my sincerest Canadian apologizes, what do you need budday?"

"Ugh….well have you seen a kid in an orange parka"

"Hrmmmmmm nope sorry budday"

"Ugh well what good are you then?"

I began to walk away

"Oh but wait budday I need to ask you something"

"No you don't go away"

"Yes I do, have you seen a kid in a dress over her orange parka?"

I stopped

"What?"

"Yeah I chased after her because I saw her slipper came off on the stair case in that Canadian Red Robin over there, it would be cool if it was glass slipper wouldn't it budday"

She? If it's a girl then it can't be the parka boy

"Uh a dress over her parka?"

"Yeah she had beautiful blonde hair but it was over her parka sorta of like a wig"

"Where did she run off too?!"

"Dunno I saw her leave the restaurant after I finished my-"

"Let me guess Canadian Hamburger"

"Well actually Canadian Chicken Fingers, I was gonna get that next time"

"Whatever thanks I suppose"

"Do you want me to give you my number in case she comes back?"

"Hey…yeah actually"

He wrote his number on a slip of paper and gave it to me. He's been the most useful person to me so far

"Uh what's your name?

I asked

"Guy"

I held back that quick flash of frustration

"Thanks…Guy"

I said through gritted teeth before walking away to search for Kenny

 _ **Next scene**_

I've been looking for either 2 hours or 2 days I dunno anymore I mean the sun went out so had to at least be 2 days or maybe it's been 2 week but the forest is really dark, I'm extremely hungry, west is up and turquoise is green yep I'm not crazy YOU'RE CRAZY!...my phone rang

"Hey budday whass-"

"MICHEAL BAY IS ILLUMINATI, THERE IS NO ONE NAMED GEORGE MCCLAIN AND ARE TOMATOES VEGETABLES? OR FRUITS? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW! AHAHAHAHA!"

"Um rrrrright…anyways the parka girl came back…she said her name was princess Kenny from the land of Zaron…man Americans are weird"

"IMMA ON MY WAY BACK I JUST HAVE TO ESCAPE THIS CLOSET FULL OF PIDGEONS I'M TRAPPED IN!"

"Uhhhh closet full of pigeons?"

"YES….don't you know? Pigeons talk to me…..I HEAR THEM! *gasp* no..NO GO AWAY!"

"W-what's happing budday?"

"The pigeon king is here YOU HAVE TO SHUT UP!...No, no, no, no, NO I'M NOT BIRD FEED NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

 _ **One extremely short mental recuperation later**_

I arrived back at the Canadian Red Robin…that uh whole mental breakdown I just had that never happened….never happened

"Hey budday"

"Yeah hey and stuff where's the parka boy"

"In the bathroom"

"Oh that's good…do you have an aspirin? My head is killing me…"

The parka boy came out the bathroom

"Do you happen to know a Karen McC-"

He knocked me down before threatening to fire an arrow at me

"Normally I would have no problem beating the shit out of a kid but I'm exhausted so just follow me and I'll show you where she is"

I got up and The Princess Kenny looked at Guy before hesitantly following me

 _ **North Canada….**_

Me and the Princess entered the castle where we saw Lucas

"So Kenny you've finally arrived…."

 **Author's note: Okay so obviously we are arriving at the end of the story. Thanks for the reviews guys really, they make my day…other than that I don't really have much to say. Thanks for readin and I'll see y'all in chapter 27.**


	28. Chapter 28-The Truth

**Narration: Previously on "The Mysterion of Mystery-Mystery of Mysterion my bad" Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just a cliffhanger I suppose….on with the story!**

 **Chapter 28: The Truth**

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

I stood there staring down Lucifer

"Ah Kenny you finally made…why are you in a dress?"

"Where's Karen?"

I said

"What?"

My speech was muffled

"Where's Karen?"

"Bears are in?"

"DAMMIT WHERE'S KAREN?!"

"Oh I'm sorry Kenny *clears throat* Karen is currently imprisoned! She will be enslaved into hard, eternal manual labor if you don't stop me!"

Another voice cut in before I said anything

"Yeah and you don't want that he makes us do it"

"Shut up Mimsy!"

Both Lucifer and Nathan said at the same time before Lucifer continued

"Anyways as I was saying *clears throat* your sister is imprisoned and-"

I knocked him over before threatening to shot him with my arrows

"I'm not playing games, WHERE'S KAREN!"

"Can I FINISH?!"

He said furiously before his eyes glowed red and I was soon levitated and launched to the wall

"Now….Karen as I said TWICE before is imprisoned and you'll have to fight me to the death if you want her back"

"Lucas I know that you want to get out of this eternal loop you're stuck in ok? But I just can't kill you Lucas"

"I thought you might say that Kenneth and I have an offer that you can't refuse…"

"Oh and what's that, you're gonna kill me?"

"Ohohoho no that's would just be dumb…if you do not kill me, Karen would have much more in common with you…"

"What do you mean?"

"Ugh she will be immortal too"

It took me a second to absorb what he said. I soon broke down in laughter. He can't be serious

"Oh so you think I'm playing around do you? MIMSY!"

"Durr yes boss boss?"

"FETCH ME THE BOOHOOHOOHOOHOOOOK!"

"You got it boss boss"

Mimsy ran off to get the book. I heard glass breaking, stuff falling and even an elephant noise before he returned

"Here boss boss"

"Dammit Mimsy I told you too-"

I stopped…it was the book…he didn't screw up?

"What's the matter boss boss?"

"It's…it's the book…"

"What about it?"

"Um what you weren't gonna like…bring me a hair dryer or something and then you explain why you brought it and I'm gonna say "Shut up Mimsy" or s-something like that"

"Why would I do that boss boss?"

"Huh?...Al-alright then uh, t-thank you?"

"You're welcome boss boss!"

"Oh come on he never does that with me!"

Nathan yelled. Lucifer soon continued

"Yes ah anyways!"

He flipped through the pages until he found it

"HA! Right here the spell to turn your baby sister immortal!"

Holy water, Holy Grail and holy shit he's serious!

"You…you wouldn't!"

"Oh I would Kenny…I…would"

I shot an arrow at him and grabbed it and it burst into flames within his hand

"Finally my time has come…"

He said, my arrow attack has failed me so naturally, I try another

"Rainbow Attack!"

I shot a rainbow out of my hand to try to hit him before he summoned a great wall of fire to block it

"I thought you wanted me to kill you…"

"Oh just showing off is all"

"But how did you even get those powers?"

"That's none of your business kid, how did you learn a rainbow attack?"

"Alright valid point"

"Hey uh boss boss"

"What Mimsy?"

"You know those uh people we saw without Kenny"

"Yes? What about them?"

"They're here"

"You know what we planned on, COMMENCE IT!"

"Sure thing boss boss, boy you sure do like being loud today, come on Nathan"

Mimsy pushed Nathan out of the room

"Huh…he's actually doing stuff right…..weird…Alright Kenny"

He began to turn around

"I won't fight you, just kill me and then we can-"

He noticed that I wasn't there

*sigh*"Why does he have to make things difficult? Beelzaboot!"

He shouted then a small wall of fire came out of the ground and opened like a door and the Canadian Devil walked out

"What do you want guy?!"

"Find Kenny and bring him here now…"

"I'm expecting a LOT of Canadough after this budday…"

He flew down the corridor to locate me. I frantically ran down different hallways to find her…I've open every door I see…bathrooms, game rooms, ball rooms, bed rooms and none with Karen.

"Where are you little buddy? I need to bring you back so I get paid some Canadough…"

I hid in one of the rooms quickly as I heard the Canadian devil's voice

"Come out, come out friend! You don't have to be scared of me, I'm just the Canadian version of Satan, which I guess is pretty scary"

I heard him opening doors, he was getting closer…

"Come on guy…Sure I'm Canada's Satan but look on the bright side of things. I'm not the Canadian Reaper, that's guy is just stupid"

I began look for a place in the room to hide but it was took dark in there for me to see anything. He was getting very close…

"You're making me mad guy! I'm just doing my job for that lame kid so he can pay me, I'm not gonna hurt you or anything…maybe"

He finally opened my door

"Oh hey there um little girl, did you see a boy in an orange parka come by here?"

I was frozen…

"Oh you might be afraid of the wings, the horns, the devil tail, the red skin and this staff I use to jab people, but you don't have be afraid I'm just the devil…of Canada"

I felt completely paralyzed

"Hey it's okay buddy I do my work through Freemium gaming, every time you buy something on your phone app, it's alllllllll this guy. I'm not gonna kill ya, I'll just suck you of all your money until you're in poverty and you don't have enough money to buy food or water and eventually that will kill ya…kind of like a money vampire, it's funny stuff really"

I still couldn't move

"Yes um well this is awkward now, I'm just gonna go and if you see some boy in an orange parka come by here just come tell me please. Oh and I like your parka"

He flew off…I walk out slowly out of the room, still in disbelief. He was gone…he actually bought it…being a princess rules! Quickly discarding that thought I keep opening doors until I find the right one

"Kenny!"

"Karen!"

We both run up to each other and hug each other as tight as we could

"What did he do to you?! Did he harm you?"

"No…well I mean he did beat me"

"WHAT! SHOW ME! SHOW ME WHERE HE BEAT YOU BECAUSE I'M GONNA BEAT HIM THERE ALSO SO FUCKING HARD THAT, THAT PART OF HIS BODY WILL BE UNRECONGNISABLE!"

"He beat me in checkers…"

"I'LL BEAT HIM IN HIS CHECKERS-wait, Checkers? As in the board game checkers?"

"We also played Chutes and Ladders, Trouble and even Charades, Nathan was terrible in it though"

"He was playing board games with you?"

"Well Charades isn't exactly a board games, more so just a game, game"

"He…he didn't harm you?"

I asked her

"Well no…but he told me things that did"

"Like what?"

"He told me about you…what you are…why you lied…and why he brought me here"

I listened intently

"He told me that he brought me here to try to make you kill him because he has powers like you do…he said that he wants out of this world before it's too late and you're the only one who can help…"

"W-what does he mean "before it's too late"?"

"He said that you and him were cursed from birth when his mommy and daddy and our mommy and daddy said that spell thing I saw in my vision-"

"Vision what vision?"

"The one I had at the hospital…I saw mommy and daddy chanting something and then this monster came and it-it looked like it ate her…Lucas said it was a demon"

I was blown back from what I was hearing, but I continued listening

"He said that the demon was evil and he didn't find some way to die soon he would become evil too…and so would you"

"D-don't listen to that bullshit Karen, First of all he wanted to die because he wanted to escape his loop of constantly dying and second of all he's already evil"

"No he's not Kenny…he didn't hurt me, he played with me and even said he was sorry for kidnapping me and that he didn't _want_ to become a monster!...And I don't want you to become one either…"

"Karen I'm *laughs* I'm not becoming a monster"

"Lucas said that the evil from the monster controls you and makes you a bad person. He said it happened to his dad and he said he's a real **asshole** apparently"

I...I was speechless

"He said it was going to happen to him and you too! You've been doing bad things lately Kenny!"

"Karen calm down, I-I haven't been doing bad things-"

"You told me wrote that book and blamed Butters for writing when mommy and daddy found out"

"What the Tale of Scrootie McBoogerballs?"

"Yes that one!"

"Stan, Kyle and Cartman did it too"

"And then you tried to Sarah Jessica Parker killed because Cartman told you too!"

"Who told you about that?"

"And what about the time you tried to make Tammy give you a blowjob?"

"It's a guy thing Karen, you wouldn't understa-"

"And the time where you didn't help Stan when the Japanese were killing whales and dolphins until he got famous?"

She was beginning to cry

"Well that was uh-"

"What about the time you tried to make money off of Token? What about the time you didn't stop Ike from having sex with his teacher? What about the time you smoked cigarettes behind the school after the assembly? What about the time you tricked someone into giving Japanese weapons? What about the time you kept getting high off of cat pee and what about the time mom found you in a Batman costume with a rope around your neck and you were touching your pee pee!?"

She broke down in tears…

"Karen I-I know I've done some bad things in the past, but I do good things all the time"

"I know you do *sniffle* but I know you're more responsible than that Kenny *sniffle* I love you and I don't want to see you turn evil Kenny…you're all I have"

She broke down again. I held her

"Karen don't cry okay? I'm not gonna turn evil"

"You *sniffle* you won't?"

"No…because I'm your guardian-"

The bedroom door was kicked right of its hinges. It was Lucifer…

 **Author's Note: Alright good people that was chapter 28! What did y'all think? Too dark? Too long? Too emotional? I think this was my longest chapter of the series. Wow…Also again I'm late on this but Happy Valentine's day guys! I not only hope you enjoyed your Valentine's day but I also hope you enjoyed chapter 27 as well…stay tuned for moah!**


	29. Chapter 29-They made it

**Narration: Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". After an intense confrontation with Lucifer, Princess Kenny ran off in a frantic attempt to find Karen. Lucifer sent the Canadian Devil to retrieve him but when the devil found him he did not recognize him due to the dress and the wig. This gave Kenny an opportunity to run off and find Karen. However…Karen confessed that Lucifer has confided in her and told her many things that her young, innocent little ears probably shouldn't have heard…Karen broke down in tears after explaining the possibility that he might turn evil. Kenny attempted to tell her that he was her guardian angel as proof that he wouldn't turn but as he was about to say…he came in…**

 **Chapter 29: They made it**

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

"So Kenneth…she told you a lot hasn't she?"

"You have too and let me tell you that's a bunch of bull crap, I'll never turn evil"

"You can't stop it Kenny…neither can I. But that's why I want to die...I refuse to become like my father and I doubt you want to be like yours"

"Pfft…m-my father is a great man"

"Oh cut the crap with a butter knife _Princess_ , Karen also confided in me as well and told me about your guys family problems"

I turned my attention towards Karen

" _You told him about dad!"_

"I'm sorry"

"Why would you do that?! You barely know him!"

"Well he's not such a bad person Kenny, so I-I told him y'know"

Lucifer spoke back up

"See? This is why you have to kill me. I will not become what my father has become I refuse!"

"So how do you know it will even work?! Didn't we die in the South Park Mall Parking lot and wind up at the Sunken City of R,lyeh?"

"That's because we died at the hands of Cthulu smart ass! We died at the hands of the most evil thing in the universe, of course we aren't going to wind up in heaven!"

I heard Karen's soft voice speak up

"Kenny…if, if you want to die with him you can"

"Karen what?!"

"I don't want you to wind up like our dad either…what if you stop loving me?"

"Dammit Karen I'm not gonna wind up like dad! I'm not gonna kill myself, you still need me!"

"No I don't Kenny"

"W-what?"

"I don't need you Kenny, I'm growing up…I'm gonna be a big girl in a few years and, and sometimes I made it through without…I can take care of myself…"

I didn't know what to say…but Lucifer did

"Aye…having parents that lack any care toward their child can cause the child to grow up much faster"

I exploded

"SHUT UP! YOU'VE MESSED UP KAREN'S MIND WITH YOUR DEMON-SPAWNING BULLSHIT! I SWEAR IF YOU TALK TO HER EVER AGAIN I'LL….I'LL!"

"You'll what?! _Kill me?!"_

I calmed down not really having a response

"If you're that mad at me, then kill me. Then I will definitely never talk to Karen anymore right?"

He tossed me a knife…

"It's simple really, one slice to my neck here-"

He pointed to his jugular vein at the side of his neck

"One quick slice and I'll die in a matter of seconds and I will never be able to talk to Karen ever again…just do it"

 _ **Outside the Castle**_

 **Red's P.O.V.**

"Come on guys…time to rescue Karen"

"Not so fast!"

I heard a voice say and I looked up the castle wall only to see

"Nathan and Mimsy…"

"That's right Red! Now you have to…Mimsy turn me around already!"

"Doyee sure boss"

He did so but

"Turn me around TOWARDS the intruders!"

"Oh hehe sorry boss"

"Yeah I'll "hehe sorry boss" you"

He turned Nathan around to face us…not like he could look down from the top of the wall anyway but whatever

"Now as I was saying before, you aren't allowed in the castle because you'll interfere with Lucas' work"

"Lucas?"

Kyle asked

"Doyee the boss boss"

"Shut up Mimsy"

Cartman decided to step in, god help us

"Oh yeah well how is you going to stop us when you can't even lift your arm to hit Mimsy?!"

"Like this, BEELZABOOT!"

He poofed in…nothing dramatic

"What!?"

"The plan jack-ass the plan!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah"

He snapped his fingers…again nothing dramatic. Suddenly a bunch of fiery doors came from the ground and opened, revealing men…Canadian Men?

"Um…you're stopping us with Canadians? Are they just gonna fart us to death?"

Cartman asked. The Canadian Devil answered

"Actually I'm borrowing these guys from Canadian Hell. They are pedophiles…Canadian pedophiles"

"Oh…shit"

Cartman said

"That's right friend, eh you can go get em guys just you just do whatever you want"

The devil poofed away undramatically and Mimsy and Nathan followed. The pedophiles charged us so we split up each attack and running and dodging try to avoid whatever they were planning to do to us. As I fought one of them picked me up from behind…I screamed with everything I had and he dropped me then fell. Scott was over his fallen body

"Hey you saved me Scott, thanks! But you aren't scared?"

"They're pedophiles little red haired girl"

"Hey I'm gay, guy"

One said approaching him before Polly attacked him

"Look we will hold him here, you go and get Karen so we can leave"

"Thanks Scott…maybe you're not such a dick after all"

"I've been saying this for YEARS!"

I ran off into the castle and hit the main hall

"Hallways…everywhere…"

I had no clue where to go…until I heard a scream

 **Author's note: Okay that was chapter, what are we at now? 29? Yes that was Chapter 29! This was kind of hard to write honestly so that's why I took a little while on this apologizes if it's not terribly good but the problem I have with my story is that there was no prewriting involved. I honestly should have because it would have come out much better as I literally made up these chapter as I went along. But from now on I'm storyboarding me stuff, this is the only exception. Thanks for reading and watch out for chapter 30…right? That's where we're at?**


	30. Chapter 30-Prefinale

**Narration: Previously on the "Mystery of Mysterion". The gang has made it to Lucifer's castle….that's uh…that's it**

 **Chapter 30-Prefinale**

 **Red's P.O.V.**

I ran down the hallway, frantically searching for the source of the scream. As I ran down a hallway I heard what sounded like a struggle going on from the room on my right. I opened the door to see Lucifer trying to plunge a knife that was in Kenny's hands into his neck. Kenny was obviously resisting…and he was in a dress?

"Come on Kenny STAB ME!"

"No!"

"Kenny!"

I said surprised and that stopped the confrontation

"Red…"

Kenny said back surprised

"Hey Kenny isn't that the girl you-"

Karen started to ask but was cut off by Kenny

"AHHHHHHGH!"

"Oh right sorry hehe"

Karen replied…girl he what?

"Why are you here Red?"

"Well it didn't look like you were trying to save Karen so I just took matters into my own hands"

"You came here by yourself?"

"Well I had some help…"

Suddenly there was a lot of noise coming from outside the room and then Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Scott, Wayne D and Polly came bursting into the room. A Canadian pedophile was slowly walking up to the room

"Aye let me touch your butthole guy"

"RAAAAAAAGH"

Cartman screamed before slamming the door shut. They were breathing heavily before their attention was brought to us

"Some help?"

Kenny asked

"Soooo what's going on here?"

Kyle asked, obviously noticing the scene before him

"How did you escape my plan for you guys?"

"What the pedophiles? Easy we just ran dummy"

Cartman responded to Lucifer

"But, but there was more than that! I had guard dogs and…and Canadian Satan! And then that prison guy was supposed to be the backup plan to that you-you didn't encounter any of that?!"

"Nope"

"No"

"Nu-uh"

"Nah"

"No mah"

"KAW!"

"Note to self: When Nathan's limbs heal, break em again"

Lucifer silently said to himself. We kind of stood there in silence until Kyle broke it

"Sooo what now?"

"Throw Lucifer to the pedophiles?"

There was a silenced period of thinking

"Yup"

"Sure"

"Why not"

"Let them fuck his butthole mah!"

"Polly says do it KAW!"

"Yes well how about you hear what I have to say first hmm?"

Lucifer explained

"No I think considering the fact we walked into this North American frozen shit hole called "Canada", slept in a dirty prison cell after watching some crappy, fake ass Canadian Superman get raped-"

He was cut off by a scream in the distance

"I'm better than Supermannnnnnnn!"

"-and then almost get raped by your Canadian pedophiles I think we should let them make your butthole so wide that when you shit, your crap just falls out"

I decided to step in

"Okay Cartman, first of all _ew,_ second of all we should let him say what he has to say and then we throw him to the wolves wouldn't you say Kenny?"

"Absolutely, you better start talking"

"Alright, alright here's what I have to say"

He began and took a deep breath

"…bye"

He said and before we can even respond he vanished in a puff of red smoke. We all coughed and gagged before the smoke cleared and when it did he was gone

" _Still think we should have let him talk Red?!_ "

Cartman said with extremely angry sarcasm. My face flushed with embarrassment and I decided to stay quiet

"Where could he be? He could be anywhere in the whole castle by now"

Kyle stated

"Well does it matter? I mean we got what we came here for which is Karen and the pedophiles are gone. We have a free pass out"

Stan stated

"But what about Lucifer?"

"Karen! That's not important now we just have to get you out, alright?"

Kenny quickly interjected

*sighs* "Okay…"

"Are all thou't ready?"

Cartman asked us

"Yes wizard fatass"

"Shut up Kyle, at least I'm not wearing a bunch of sticks on my head"

"At least I can fit in my outfit"

"SHUT UP KYLE!"

With that last scream for Cartman we proceeded out of the castle. As we made it out with no problem whatsoever Kenny suddenly got jumped by Lucifer. Scott, Kyle, Stan and Wayne D pulled him off. He suddenly transformed into a black demon and that instantly scared them off of him

"Oh shit mah he a demon n shit mah he need da holy ghost mah!"

"ONE THING KENNETH MCCORMICK, I JUST WANTED ONE THING!"

He screamed in his monstrous form

"I WANTED TO BE RID OF THIS WORLD KENNETH, I WANT OUT! AND IF YOU DON'T KILL ME-"

He grabbed Karen with his devil tail

"I'LL KILL HER AND IF YOU STILL REFUSE THEN I'LL JUST KILL… **EVERYTHING!"**

"Guys quick let's stop him!"

I called out and we all charged aside from Kenny who stood in complete fear. He suddenly spread out a pair of bat-like wings with a huge wingspan and that alone sent use barreling backwards. He flew off towards the top of the castle letting lose a screech so grisly that it is completely indescribable…

"Kenny! Kenny come on he has your sister!"

I said to him attempting to shake him out of his mortified state. He didn't respond

"Kenny? Kenny we have to go come on!"

Kyle said to him. Still no response

"Mah he bought your lil sis up to the top of da building mah we got to go up and dis squad gotta pull an exorcist on his black ass mah!"

Kenny still didn't respond…I growled in frustration

"AGGGGGH Come one guys we have to save her!"

I said before we all stormed into the castle, leaving Kenny there

 _ **Kenny's thoughts**_

" _Is this what's gonna happen to me?...Am I going to become as insane as him? I…I can't…become that…I-I can't…please I just can't…."_

 **Author's note: Ello chaps! That might be chapter 30 alrighty! I ain't have an idea what accent I'm crappily typing up here or even why I'm doing it. It's definitely not to through your seething rage off my lack of updating recently ahoho no. Certainly not. But all the crappy jokes thanks you guys for reading and watch out for chapter 31 alrighty!**


	31. Chapter 31-The Finale

**Narration:** Previously on "The Mystery of-

 **Red:** We don't have time for this!

 **Chapter 31: The Finale**

 **Red's P.O.V.**

We made it to the top of the castle yet we didn't see him or Karen. I looked up only seeing the blackened night sky, then I looked over the edge and saw just how high up we were…did I mention I have a fear of heights?

"Alright Lucifer give up Karen and face us"

I heard Kyle scream, bringing my attention back to what we were up here for

"Or you could just face Kyle"

Cartman just had to add. We heard a demonic sounding response…

"Where's….Kenny?"

All of us darted our heads around looking for the source of the response.

"Where's KENNY?!"

The voice asked in sheer wrath, I stiffened from fear.

"He's-he's not here, so fight us you uh…not good person!"

Kyle was obviously scared to think of a worse name. He heard the slow flapping of huge wings…he appeared of the edge of the roof in his demonic form…Karen wasn't there. He began to speak…

"Leave…now…"

"N-no!"

Kyle adamantly yet fearfully protested

"I said LEAVE!"

Lucifer screamed

"Welp I'm out!"

Cartman said attempting to flee but Kyle grabbed the back of his collar

"I said no!"

Kyle said with now worked up courage

"We demand to fight you now!"

"No no don't listen to him only he wants to fight you!"

Cartman said terrified

"Hehehe…do you really think you could face me?"

"No!"

"Shut up Cartman!"

We all said in sync

"We can easily face you and beat you so fight us!"

Stan said now burning with confidence.

"There is a difference between you and me… _you can die_ "

"Well there's a difference between you and me to! There is six of us and only one of you!"

Stan fired back

"You sure?"

Me, Stan, Kyle and Cartman all looked behind us only to see Scott and Wayne D…running away

"No way I don't play dat shit mah!"

"I may be a dick but I'm not a dumbass!"

They said as they ran off

"K so there is four of us"

Stan corrected

"That's bullcrap why do they get to leave?!"

After Cartman said that Lucifer blasted a mighty stream of fire from his mouth directly at us. We probably would have been dead if it wasn't for Stan Marshwalker's shield.

"Stay here guys!"

Stan said before pushing past the mighty blaze of flames with his shield before plunging the sword down his throat, stopping the flames and allowing us to move in. Lucifer barreled back, choking on the sword. I pulled out my heart arrows and began to shoot at him…they had little effect on him and he soon spit the sword back out at Stan, knocking him back. He came after me next, as he flew at high speeds towards me I rolled out the way. He missed and dug his claws into the floor of the ceiling to stop him sliding. I loaded my bow again but he smacked it out of my hands and it went over the edge. I was defenseless

"I'll save you Red!"

Kyle announced before he ran in with…a leaf blower and turned it on. Lucifer turned towards him

"A leaf blower, really?"

Kyle's face filled with fear as he bent the tube of the leaf blower upwards and slashed Kyle with his claws

"Hey…he hurt Kyle…only I'm supposed to do that!"

Cartman said before charging at Lucifer and body slamming him. Surprisingly it worked and knocked him over. Lucifer laid out stunned on the ground and Cartman ran over to his head with his staff.

"That's a bad Lucifer!"

And smacked him on the head with the staff

"Ow…"

"That's a bad Lucifer!"

"Ow"

"That's a bad, bad Lucifer BAD!"

"Ow, Ow, OW!"

Lucifer yelled and then smacked Cartman away

"That's enough!"

He said getting up

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU CHILDREN"

He brought his clawed hands over his head and a huge black and red ball of pure energy formed between them

"I'LL DESTORY THIS WHOLE PLANET IF I HAVE TO!"

He flew up

"I'M!"

The ball got bigger

"DONE!"

It got even larger

"WITH!"

It was unimaginably large

"THIS WORLD!"

He threw it as we all cringed. After a few seconds…nothing happened and we looked only to see Scott! Holding the orb back!

"Scott!"

I screamed with excitement but I noticed he was a lot bigger…even larger than Lucifer. He threw the ball back at Lucifer and he dodged it. The ball exploded in the sky illuminating the world below it with a red glow. The pure force of the explosion generated powerful winds but Scott shielded us with his enormous body.

"Scott!"

"Hello little red haired girl"

"I can't believe you pushed the ball back! And look at you! You're an even bigger dick now!"

"How are you gonna call me a bigger dick? I'm not a bigger dick!... _I'm a huge dick!"_

"I thought you ran off!"

"Oh I did and then I came back"

"But how did you get so large?!"

"I drank something called Viagra and it made me huge! I like to keep it in my house just in case"

Lucifer dove towards Scott at high speed, furiously and they locked arms however Scott was surprisingly stronger and threw Lucifer over the edge of the ceiling,

"Scuse me for a minute"

Scott said to us before jumping of the edge of the ceiling, elbow first like a wrestler. We all looked over the edge to watch the fight

"Damn where's popcorn when you need it?"

Cartman said

Scott the now huge dick repeatedly punched Lucifer in his demonic face. Lucifer countered by wrapping his devil tail around his neck and attempted to strangle him. Scott pulled out a fresh bowl of KRAFT macaroni and threw it at Lucifer's face…he instantly released Scott

"Ouch! The cheesy goodness of KRAFT macaroni burns my eyes!"

As Lucifer stood up and tried to wipe his eyes, Scott grabbed his tail and then threw him straight through his castle. The ceiling shook violently and we all tried to regain our footing

"Hey Scott, could you be a little more careful were still up here y'know?"

"Sorry little red head girl, just climb back down"

"Well we can't now you destroyed our only exit…"

"Oh okay then I'll just help you guys down"

As he walked over here he tripped over a tail…a demonic tail

" **We're not finished here!** "

Lucifer jumped up several feet into the air and when he came down attempted to punch Scott square in the face. Scott rolled out the way last minute and Lucifer's punch missed plunging straight into the ground. Scott countered by attempting to punch him but Lucifer breathed a might breath of flames at him. Scott grabbed his throat stopping his breath. Lucifer kicked Scott in the stomach which sent Scott up against the wall of the castle. Lucifer held Scott's arms against the wall, he buried his claws into the wall to secure his grip around his arms. Lucifer attempted to stab him in the face with his devil tail. Scott dodged every attempt and kicked him in the balls. Lucifer stepped back and lost his grip to clench his now smashed balls.

"That was a dick move Scott…"

He said hunched over in pain. Scott lifted Lucifer's head

"Thank you"

Said Scott before he smashed his head straight through the wall of castle. The castle began to crumble and tip over. We all screamed and then it fell but once again…we were okay. But we were trapped not by rubble, but a bubble…a berry bubble.

"Hey Bradley!"

I screamed in delight

"Who is this Bradley you speak of red head? My name is not Bradley but Mint-Berry Crrrunch!"

"How did you know where we were?"

I asked

"You're brave friend with the saggy pants over there informed me!"

"Wayne D!?"

"Sure as hell mah"

"I was in town because the Prince of Canada called me in to help him and Mint-Berry Crunch always answers the cry for help!"

"Help!"

Bradley I mean Mint-Berry Crunch turned his head to see Lucifer pinning him to the ground, strangling him. He set us to the ground before flying over to him

"Excccuse me sir but I'm going to have to ask you to let him go at once!"

"And who the hell are you? And how are you flying?"

Lucifer asked

"That's because I'm a super hero! With the combined powers of Mint and Berry I'm-"

He was smacked away by Lucifer's tail and sent flying head first into the rubble

"An idiot"

Lucifer finished his statement for him before turning his attention back towards Scott who was slowly having the life strangled out of him. Mint-Berry Crunch bursted out of the rubble and angrily flew back towards Lucifer.

"Excccuse me sir but I wasn't finished!"

"Oh my _devilish_ apologies please continue…. _the longer the better_ "

He said looking back down at Scott

"*clears throat* as I was saying before I'm a superhero, with the combined powers of mint and berry I make-"

He did a 360 spin

"Mint-Berry Crrrrunch!..."

He looked at Lucifer

"Excccuuussssse me are you even listening?!"

He looked back at Mint-Berry Crunch

"Oh sorry can you repeat yourself one more times, he's almost dead"

"That's it! I've tired being nice to you mister scary devil person but now I get serious!"

Bradley began to charge an attack

"Yeah, yeah can you give me a second he's going limp"

"Oh I'll give you a second alright…Berry Bomb!"

Bradley threw a pink ball of energy at Lucifer which violently exploded, sending Lucifer flying through several trees. Scott didn't move…

"Alright…"

Lucifer said, getting up

"If Mint-Berry Fucktard wants a fight he'll GET A FIGHT!"

Lucifer flew furiously towards Bradley and attempted to punch Bradley, but Bradley was smaller and faster, It was like swatting a fly…a fly that smells like mint and berries.

"Frost breath!"

Bradley said before blowing several mint leaves towards Lucifer's face and his face then slowly froze in ice.

"What's the matter mister devil man? You _froze_ there for a second"

The ice suddenly broke from a blast of fire from Lucifer's mouth and it hit Bradley. Lucifer then ripped a huge chunk of earth from the ground and threw it at Bradley

"Instant trans _mint_ ion!"

He said before teleporting behind Lucifer. Lucifer was oblivious to where he was…Bradley cupped his hands

"Mint"

A pink sphere of energy formed

"Berry"

He paused

"BLLLLLLLAAAAAASSSSSTTTT!"

He fired it straight towards Lucifer and it hit. But Bradley was grabbed as he still fired the blast…

"But…but how did you-"

"Because I'm immortal bitch"

Lucifer said before he threw Bradley in his mouth and swallowed him. Bradley landed into a pit of stomach acid before he flew out of it

" _How did he withstand my Mint-Berry Blast?! This I going to require drastic measures!"_

He said surprised, his voice echoing in the belly of the beast. He began to charge energy. He was surrounded by a pink sphere of energy

"You ready for this Lucifer it's my ultimate attack! Mint-Berry Nova!"

As he screamed that the sphere got larger and larger until Bradley's whole body flashed green and then it exploded violently and powerfully. Just like that Bradley was out

"Ha! He stood no chance against my Mint-Berry Nova!"

Bradley's joy soon turned to disbelief when he saw Lucifer in one piece and even worst…unharmed

"But… _how?_ You-you should be blown to bits….you should be dead!

"I can't die idiot I told you I'm immortal. Do any of you listen? None of you can destroy me, only one can destroy me"

"That would be me…"

Lucifer turned his head hearing that all familiar voice

"Kenny…now you show"

"Alright I'm here…and I'm going to kill you"

"Oh and you may Kenny but…

He formed the huge orb of energy in his hands once again

"After I destroy this world!"

"Hey! That wasn't part of the deal!"

"Well I've added it to part of the deal! I'm sick of this world, nobody ever had the time to care about me, people have made fun of me and if I can never be happy… **nobody can!** "

The ball grew

"Fuck the deal"

The ball grew again

"Fuck people"

The ball grew once more

"Fuck this world"

Ball grew so large it was visible from space

"AND FUCK YOU!"

As he was about to throw it he froze…the ball vanished in his hands and there was an arrow in his neck…he fell to the ground and shockingly he died…A huge black stream of particles poured upwards into the sky from his body…until there was no more. He died…he really died.

"Oh my god you killed Lucas"

"You bastard

Kyle said, finishing Stan first statement

"That pale fuck is dead Kenny saved us!"

Cartman yelled in delight and we all celebrated right there and then but it was very short lived

"Guys….I didn't"

We all stopped

"You didn't Kenny?"

"No I didn't Red…"

"But you had to! You're the only immortal here!"

I protested

"But if you didn't…who did?"

We all looked at each other for an answer…

 _ **The Next Day**_

 **Kenny's P.O.V.**

I walked next to my friends who were waiting for the bus. We all just stood there…silent. What could we say after the events of yesterday? Well Kyle tried to take our minds off of what they were on

"So…how you all been?"

"Good"

Stan replied

"Fuck off Jew"

Cartman responded. I stayed silent

"Kenny? Is Karen ok?

"She's fine…she's sleeping at home"

"You gonna ask Red out or what? You know she wants the dick"

"Don't you think it's a little soon Cartman?"

Kyle asked

"Oh what you want to ask Red out Kahl?"

"Shut up Cartman"

The bus came and picked us up. Stan, Kyle and Cartman sat but I decided to sit next to Red and y'know fuck it! I asked her out

"Y'know…after everything we just been through Kenny…I'm kinda not in the mood for that…I'll just stay single for a while…"

"Oh alright then…we still friends?"

"Course we are Kenny"

Feeling like fool I just got up and walked to sit with Cartman

"Kenny wait-"

She stopped me

"It really wasn't you that killed Lucifer?"

"No…wasn't me"

"Okay then…sorry I-I just wanted to make sure is all…thanks"

"You're welcome"

I sat down and simply wondered to myself and wondered…who was it?

 **Morgan Freeman:** _And so with Lucifer slain by an unknown hero, Kenny and his sister were safe from the clutches of the demons. Kenny however will always remain uneasy as he wonders if he is destined to reach the same level of insanity that Lucifer has undergone. Lucifer himself on the other hand is finally at rest. He finally got what he wanted. And so for now, everybody lived happily ever after…_

 _ **Karen's P.O.V.**_

"Karen come downstairs you have to get ready for school"

I didn't respond

"Karen! Do you hear me?!"

"Yes mom sorry"

"Well come downstairs young lady school is about to start"

"Okay mom"

I yelled back so she could hear me. I was almost ready to go downstairs but I needed to do one more thing…I walked over towards my dresser and opened the door pulling out an **arrow.** Looking at this arrow made her feel guilty…for what she did with it

"I'm sorry Lucas…I'm so, so sorry…"

 **Author's Note:** What did y'all think? That was it…the story is over. Sorry that the ending took so long to get out. School was almost over and I didn't really have time to write this on School days cuz this is a very long chapter so I just waited for summer. Was it worth the wait? I appreciate you guys reading my story it means a lot to me…thank you all so much and I hope you all enjoyed. Please share your thoughts and opinions on this chapter, you're all the best goodbye


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